You Were Always There
by Pilarcita
Summary: Tragedy seems to be dogging Lou's footsteps, but someone special is always there to help her back to her feet. Will she ever see the love he has to offer her?
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

Lou watched with pained eyes as Jimmy rode up cautiously. She wanted to struggle against the ropes that bound her, but knew it would be futile. She'd already tried, more times than she could count. This was the icing on the cake of a horrendous few days. It seemed like everything had gone wrong since she'd sent Kid packing. Now, she had to stand here, on her tiptoes, waiting to be rescued like a damsel in distress.

She barely heard the exchange between Jimmy and her captor, Hopkins. She was too busy trying to tell Jimmy with nothing more than her eyes to ride out of here. She wasn't worth his life. She wanted to scream at him as he reached out and unfastened his gunbelt, dropping it to the ground, but the rope bound tightly around her throat strangled all sound before it could reach her lips.

She watched in disbelief as Jimmy pulled his other pistol, carefully hidden in the back of his pants and took aim. In the split second before the shot's report hit her ears, she knew he wasn't shooting at Hopkins. The angle was all wrong.

Then she couldn't see anything else as the rope holding her on her tiptoes suddenly relaxed, releasing the tension that had held her in place. Without its support, she tumbled to the ground, her hair obscuring her sight of what was going on. Wordlessly, frantically, she ripped the twisted hemp off over her head, pushing her hair out of her face, desperate to see what was going on.

But already it was too late. She'd heard the second shot Jimmy fired, too late. She'd heard Jimmy's pained grunt and Hopkins satisfied laughter. Without a thought for her captor, she raced to Jimmy's side, reaching him just as he hit the ground. She struggled to scream out his name, but could manage only a hoarse whisper.

"Jimmy! No!"

Dropping to her knees, she frantically pushed his coat out of the way, desperate to see just how bad his wound was. Hearing Hopkins moving toward her from behind, she reached out and wrapped her fingers around Jimmy's fallen gun.

"You're a lucky lady," Hopkins sneered. "I didn't really think he'd do it."

With no warning, she turned and fired into his chest at point blank range. He looked at her in surprise, before falling silently to the ground, dead. Lou hadn't waited to watch. She'd known exactly where her bullet was going and had no more thought for the man behind this tragedy.

She was already back to inspecting Jimmy's wound. Whatever one said about Hopkins, there was no denying, even one armed and shooting with his off hand, he was a good shot. He'd put a single bullet right through Jimmy's heart. Already, Lou could hear the rattle of death in Jimmy's labored, wheezing breaths.

"No," she whispered, gathering him close to her chest. "No." She wanted to say so much more, to tell him so much, but everything she wanted to say was locked inside a jail of pain, sorrow and guilt.

Jimmy struggled to reach out with one hand, wiping her silently falling tears away one last time. She reached up with one hand, continuing to cradle him to her chest with her other arm, and covered his fingers with her own.

"I'm sorry," he gasped. "I'm sorry."

She started to shake her head, denying his guilt. This wasn't his fault, it was hers. But it was too late. She watched, desolate as the last light of life faded from his eyes.

**Chapter 1**

Lou rode slowly into Rock Creek, dreading the prospect of telling everyone what had happened. How was she supposed to inform them Jimmy was dead? She still couldn't quite believe it herself.

Sundancer moved in closer to Lightning's side, snuffling at Lou with his muzzle, as if commiserating with her pain. He'd been acting upset the entire ride back, unable to figure out why his master was lying, inert, across his back instead of guiding him home like usual. Lou reached out and patted the stallion's head gently, looking back to make sure that Jimmy's body was still securely tied across his horse's back. She could have had him buried back in Willow Creek, but that wouldn't be fair to the others. They deserved the right to say goodbye. So, against the advice of the local sheriff, she'd brought Jimmy home.

Passing the church, Lou drew Lightning and Sundancer to a halt, gazing curiously at the somber crowd exiting the small white building. Her brow creased in a concerned frown as she realized Teaspoon and the boys were at the head of the crowd, carrying a coffin. They were all dressed in their Sunday suits, their faces stoically still in the afternoon sunlight. Having lived with them so long, she could read the pain they were all trying to conceal. To her discerning eyes they looked, each and every one, as if someone had reached in and ripped their hearts out through their chests. But there was no way they could already know about Jimmy! No one could have reached Rock Creek faster than she had.

The group reached the bottom of the steps and carefully turned the casket away from her, moving toward the graveyard at the edge of town. Lou strained, trying to see who was there and who wasn't. All she could tell for sure was that there were only four people carrying the casket. Now, maybe one of the boys was out on a run… but something deep inside told her otherwise.

Unable to wait anymore, deeply afraid of what she would find out, Lou opened her mouth and croaked as loudly as she could, "Teaspoon!"

When the mourners continued on her way, she tried again, pushing her aching throat to allow her to yell louder. "Teaspoon!"

This time Ike, recognizable by his red bandana'd head looked back in her direction, then elbowed Teaspoon, who was in front of him. Teaspoon looked back at Ike in irritation, then, followed Ike's shaking head to look in Lou's direction. Turning to the boys, Teaspoon said something, and they all stopped and waited for her.

Still trying to see their faces, Lou urged Lightning forward, Sundancer following along behind on his leadline. Reaching the funeral procession, Lou looked down and finally got a good look at all the casket bearers, Cody, Noah, Ike and Teaspoon.

The first words out of her mouth were, "Teaspoon, where's the Kid?"

But they were nearly drowned out by Cody's own question, "Lou? Where's Jimmy?"

"I'm sorry, Lou," Teaspoon said tentatively, looking down significantly at the casket he and the boys were still holding. "There's been some trouble and…."

But Lou didn't need Teaspoon to finish the story. She already knew. She could see the tearstreaked face of that schoolteacher Kid had been mooning over in the first row of mourners behind the casket, leaning heavily on Rachel.

First Jimmy, now the Kid. It felt like her life had suddenly fallen apart around her. And it was all her fault. She'd ruined everything, for everyone. She could feel her future being eaten away by the shadows encroaching on her life, the shadows she'd invited in with her fears and selfishness.

"Someone catch him!" she heard faintly, even as the shadows closed out the rest of the world.

Lou could feel strong, gentle hands pushing her hair off her forehead, followed by a cool cloth being carefully put in place. Moaning, she turned her head away from even that scant comfort. She didn't want to wake up and face reality. She wanted to sink back into the blessed emptiness of unconsciousness.

"I think she's comin' round," she heard Cody mutter nearby.

"Better go get Rachel," Noah said.

The gentle hands ministering to her simply continued to move, picking up the cloth she'd dislodged and replacing it tenderly.

"Lou, honey? Are you back with us?" Rachel's concerned voice asked.

"Leave me alone," Lou muttered, not opening her eyes.

"I'm afraid we can't do that, honey," Teaspoon's gruff voice came to her. "We need to know what happened to Jimmy and you need to know what happened to Kid."

"No," Lou forced out through her still aching throat. "I already know. I killed 'em. I killed 'em both."

Lou sat in the barn, motionless. She'd just finished mucking out Katy's and Sundancer's stalls, along with Lightning's. She'd taken on the care of Jimmy's and Kid's horses, as well as her own, ever since her return a week ago.

Despite her resistance, she'd eventually had to listen as Teaspoon explained to her what had happened. How Kid had been sucked into an unholy triangle between Samantha, her mother, who was a former slave, and her old beau who was apparently also her father and her mother's former owner. Teaspoon had tread delicately, not wanting to hurt Lou more than necessary, but she could read between the lines. Kid had found someone who would let him protect her the way Lou hadn't, and had died doing so.

As Lou had figured, his death was her fault. If she hadn't chased him away with her pride, stubbornness and fear, he'd still be alive today and they'd be planning a wedding. A wedding that, though she'd said 'no', she'd wanted more than anything.

And Jimmy would still be alive today, too, if it hadn't been for her. She'd made a mistake, let him get too close that night at Willow Creek in her attempt to forget how much she was hurting over Kid. The next morning, feeling guilty for having led him on, she'd taken off on her own, before he'd woken up. If she hadn't done that, Hopkins would never have been able to bushwhack her and set up his dastardly little plot.

Lou watched as Katy stuck her head over the stall wall and nuzzled at Lightning, trying to get his attention. Sundancer whickered in the next stall over, feeling left out. Pulling a piece of hay out of the bale she was sitting on, Lou started shredding it into tinier and tinier pieces, each one jagged and sharp, just like the shattered pieces of her life.

The sound of the Rachel ringing the dinner bell, had Lou lifting her head and looking out the barn doors. She watched as her remaining brothers trooped in for supper, the sight of their decimated numbers adding another bruise to her already bloodied soul. She thought about joining them, but just couldn't make herself do it. She was bad luck. She should just leave, before anyone else got hurt.

"Is she comin'?" Cody asked, a concerned tone to his voice.

Rachel sighed as she let the curtain fall back into place before turning to face the assembled men at the table. "Doesn't look like it."

"We've got to do somethin', Teaspoon," Noah said. "She's mourning herself sick."

"I know," Teaspoon said heavily. "Just yesterday I caught her tossing back up what little she'd eaten for breakfast out behind the barn."

*And she's not sleeping at night,* Ike signed.

"But all she wants to do is sleep during the day," Buck added. "Just this afternoon, I found her curled up asleep in Katy's stall."

"I just don't know what to do for her, boys," Teaspoon admitted slowly. "I've tried increasing her chores, to take her mind off things. But that ain't workin'."

"And I've tried getting her to talk, but she just sits there, like a lump on a log," Rachel said as she began dishing out the evening's stew.

"I've had to take her off the run schedule. I just don't trust her to make it there in one piece. Buck, you'll have to take her run tomorrow."

Buck nodded understandingly.

*I'm going to see if I can get her to eat something,* Ike signed, standing up to grab a couple of biscuits and walking out the bunkhouse door, toward the barn.

"Good luck, son," Teaspoon whispered, as the others silently turned their attention to consuming the meal none of them really wanted to eat.

Lou rolled over restlessly in her bunk. The sounds of the night were thunderous amidst the silence of the nearly empty bunkhouse. With Buck out on her run and Noah headed the other direction, it was only her, Ike and Cody tonight. The lack of noise was worse than the cacophony she'd always complained about before.

Finally giving up the fight, Lou sat up and looked around. She knew what she had to do. She just had to get up the courage to do so. Her eyes slowly roved over the forever empty bunks of her missing friend and lover, then turned to the temporarily empty ones of Buck and Noah before coming to rest on the beloved faces of Ike and Cody. She watched them for a long moment as their chests rose and fell with the steady breaths of slumber.

She nodded to herself. There was no time like the present and she needed to leave before her selfishness got anymore of them killed. Slipping down off her bunk, she quietly pulled on her clothes and packed up the few belongings she was going to take with her. Slinging the saddlebag over her shoulder, she grabbed Kid's bedroll and Hickok's jacket before walking toward the door. Pausing next to the table, she pulled a sealed envelope out of her pocket, setting it carefully in the middle of the table where it couldn't be missed. With one last look around the bunkhouse, she turned and walked out the door. Forever.

The soft sound of the closing door woke a lightly sleeping Ike. He raised his head and quickly checked Lou's bunk. Looked like she was up on one of her midnight rambles again. She'd been taking a lot of strolls in the dark lately. Letting his head fall back down on his pillow, he settled in to wait, knowing he wouldn't get anymore sleep until he heard her sneak back in in an hour or two.

The sudden sound of horses galloping out of the yard a few minutes later though, had Ike jumping out of his bunk and rushing to the window. This was something new and it worried him. He reached the window just in time to see Lou disappearing toward the West, mounted on Katy, Lightning and Sundancer trailing along behind her.

He turned toward Cody's bunk to shake him awake when he noticed the letter sitting in the middle of the table. A sudden sinking sensation filled his heart with dread as he slowly moved toward it, afraid to find out what it said, yet even more scared to wait until morning to open it.

Reaching out with one hand, he grabbed the missive and ripped it open, reading the three sparse lines in a matter of seconds.

_I've already gotten two of you killed. I can't wait around to see who's next. Please don't follow me. –Lou_

Dropping the letter back onto the table amidst the remains of its envelope, Ike grabbed his own, ever ready saddlebag, even as he stumbled into his clothes, and rushed out the door after her. Someone had to save her from her own self-destructiveness. Since Kid was no longer around to do so, Ike would gladly pick up the challenge.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

With three horses at her disposal, Lou was able to keep moving throughout the night, switching mounts every hour or so, traveling east toward St. Joe, Missouri. Although she was following the general direction of the Express route, she was careful to stay off any of the trails riders would use. She was in no mood to come across anyone who might recognize her.

By daybreak, though, she knew she needed to get some rest. Already the lack of sleep and hard riding was making her lightheaded. Lifting her head, she slowed Lightning from a full gallop to a walk as she sought out a safe place to stop for awhile.

Eventually, she found a copse of trees overhanging a washout in the bend of the Platte River. Leading the horses to water, she let them drink their fill before staking them out to rest and graze. Pulling out Kid's bedroll, she laid it out in the shade of a large oak tree and, using her hat to cover her eyes and Jimmy's jacket as a blanket, she promptly fell into a deep, exhausted, dreamless sleep.

The sound of a twig breaking, followed by Sundancer's whicker of greeting to another horse woke Lou. Without even looking to see who it was, she sat up, her cocked revolver held out in her hand, pointed straight at the intruder.

Ike stopped in his tracks, his hands raised above his head, his horse's reins draped casually over one of them.

"Damn it, Ike!" Lou grumbled. "Why'd ya follow me? I told ya ta leave me alone."

Ike just stood there, not responding until Lou softened and lowered her weapon, uncocking it as she brought it down to her lap. Breathing a sigh of relief, Ike moved to her side, hunkering down on the ground next to her. Leaning over to catch her eye and make sure she was paying attention, he began to rapidly sign.

*I was worried about you. You shouldn't be alone right now, Lou,* he told her.

"Maybe," Lou shrugged, standing up and beginning to pack up her gear. "But it's safer than endangering you boys with my presence."

Ike followed her, reaching out to grab her shoulder and force her to look at him. *What are you talking about? You've saved our lives more times than I can count. How are you a danger?*

"You wouldn't understand," she muttered, staring at the ground.

*Make me understand,* he pleaded. *I'm worried about you, Lou.*

Suddenly, the words started tumbling over themselves in their eagerness to see the light of day.

"Kid wouldn't be dead if I hadn't pushed him away. And I didn't have to. I loved him, I wanted to marry him, just not yet. But I was too stubborn to see his side of things," she started to lose steam. "Too damned scared," she muttered so quietly Ike wasn't even sure he'd heart her right.

*Kid made his own choices, too. You're only responsible for your actions. You didn't make him accept that man's challenge, or show up for that duel.*

"Maybe," she sighed, unwilling to accept the absolution Ike was offering her. "But that doesn't change the fact Jimmy's dead cause of me."

*Jimmy would've been proud to die for you. He loved you.*

"I know," Lou wailed, collapsing in tears into a surprised Ike's arms. The torrent of sobs she'd been denying for days suddenly would be quieted no longer. Unable to get her attention so he could talk to her, Ike simply held her tight and let her cry herself out. Eventually, he slid to a seat on the ground, still holding her close, her head tucked under his chin, and he began to rock her back and forth like a small child, making indistinct humming noises in his chest, the closest he could come to a soothing murmur.

After awhile, the sobs tapered off and Lou hiccupped a few times, before she began to try scrubbing her face dry with the backs of her hands. She paused as Ike thrust a clean handkerchief under her nose. Accepting it, she finished repairing as much of the damage her crying jag had caused as she could.

Able to put it off no longer she began to speak in a quiet monotone, forcing Ike to lean close to hear her.

"I know Jimmy loved me. He told me so. And I'll carry that guilt to my own grave."

*I don't understand.*

"When we got to Willow Creek, the return package wasn't ready yet. We had to spend the night. I was so upset over Kid and that, that… schoolteacher… Jimmy just wanted to cheer me up. He bought me a dress, took me to a fancy dinner, with wine and everything, then to a festival they were having in town. There was this guy playing music, and Jimmy started dancing with me, right there in the street. The kind of thing I'd always wished Kid would do, you know? And I was so mad and so hurt that when Jimmy stopped dancing with me and started kissing me, I let him. I let him."

Even though she stopped talking, Ike could tell there was more to the story, so he just sat there, waiting. Eventually, she moved on.

"Maybe I'd had too much wine at dinner, maybe I just wanted to feel loved again, but I… I went back to the hotel with Jimmy and we spent the night there. Together. Just before he went to sleep, he whispered he loved me. That's the moment when I realized what a mess I'd just made of everything. I'd done something Kid could never forgive or forget and I was about to rip Jimmy's heart out too, because I didn't really love him. Not that way. Not the way he needed. I'd just wanted to feel needed so desperately. So, I got up, got dressed and took off. Figured I'd pick up the package and be ready to go by the time Jimmy woke up, so there wouldn't be any time to talk."

*So? It's not like you haven't picked up a package a hundred times before. How'd that put Jimmy's life in danger?*

"That gunfighter, Hopkins? He'd been watching Jimmy ever since we got to town. He'd seen us together and figured we were 'in love'. He decided I'd make the perfect bait to sucker Jimmy into a gunfight Hopkins would still have a chance to win. And he was right. Jimmy chose to save my life, rather than his own."

Once again, Lou broke down, unable to handle the weight of her own emotions. This time, as the crying tapered off, she fell asleep in Ike's arms, not having gotten enough rest yet after her night of hard riding.

When she awoke several hours later, feeling groggy and out of sorts, she discovered Ike had set up camp, with a proper fire and a squirrel roasting over it for supper. Her stomach reminded her she'd had nothing to eat since breakfast the day before, rumbling ominously.

Ike turned toward her as he heard her moving on the bedroll and his mouth spread into his endearing smile. He held a cup out toward her. Getting up, Lou walked over and took the cup from him, sniffing at the freshly brewed coffee appreciatively. Sitting down across the fire from Ike, Lou stared into the flames, not ready to talk yet. Ike let her alone as he finished cooking supper, only rousing her when he handed her a plate with half the roasted squirrel and some cornpone on it.

While she ate the food he'd provided, Ike tapped his chest to get her attention. She looked up to see him already signing.

*Do you want to move on tonight? Or get some rest and head out in the morning?*

Lou shrugged. "Don't rightly care. You should head on back to Rock Creek though. They're sure to be missing you by now."

Ike shook his head almost violently. *I ain't leaving you.*

"They need you, Ike. No one can work with the horses as well as you."

*You need me more right now.*

She opened her mouth, about to threaten to sneak off while he was sleeping, but he held up a hand to forestall her.

*You try leaving without me and I'll just follow you. I ain't letting you alone until I know you're going to be alright, Louise.*

Giving up the argument, she returned to her meal. After wiping up the last bit of grease with the last bite of cornpone and stuffing the lot in her mouth, Lou looked at Ike contemplatively. If any of the riders were as stubborn, or more so, than her, it was Ike. She knew she wasn't going to be able to lose him. With a deep sigh, she finally spoke.

"We'll spend the night, then, and start out in the morning."

Ike nodded, clearly pleased by her decision.

*So, where are we headed?* Ike asked the next morning, as they mounted up and started heading east again.

"I'm goin' ta St. Joe ta get Jeremiah and Teresa," Lou said. "It's time I did what I promised our Ma I'd do, get them out of that orphanage and keep us together. Teach them what it means ta be part of a real family."

*And then?*

"Ain't thought that far," Lou admitted in a small voice. "I'll come up with somethin'."

Ike nodded and left her to her own thoughts as they crossed the wide prairie in companionable silence.

Ike drew his horse to a halt as he crested the rise that overlooked the orphanage just outside of St. Joe. Curiously, they'd circled the growing city, instead of passing through it. But he hadn't questioned Lou's decision. This was her quest, she was in the lead. He was just there if she needed him.

He watched as Lou spurred Lightning into a gallop down the small hill toward the front gate, admiring the figure she cut on her horse's back. She was a mighty fine rider and an even finer woman, when she let herself be. He could so easily see why both Kid and Jimmy had fallen so hard for her. Heck, all of them loved her a little bit. It would be easy, with the least bit of encouragement, to fall even further.

Shaking his head ruefully at his own thoughts, Ike urged his horse into motion and followed Lou down to the mission. When he entered the courtyard, she was already dismounted and disappearing into the Mother Superior's office. He quickly followed.

"I'm sorry, Louise, but I can't."

"What are you talking about? They're my brother and sister!" Ike could hear the mounting anger in Lou's voice and reached out to touch her shoulder, letting her know he was there for her, even as he wondered what the matter was.

"It's Missouri state law, Louise. If I let you take Jeremiah and Teresa the government could shut down our entire operation. What would happen to all the other children in our care?" the nun asked. Quickly, she answered her own question. "They'd be handed over to whoever would take them in, regardless of their suitability as parents, or, even worse, turned over to a workhouse. You wouldn't want that, would you Louise?"

Lou wordlessly shook her head, even as her eyes filled with tears. Ike could see her hands fisted so tightly at her sides her knuckles were turning white, silent testimony to her own internal distress.

Finally, he pulled at her shoulder so she'd turn to look at him. *What's wrong?*

"They won't let me take Jeremiah and Teresa 'cause I'm a woman," she muttered angrily through gritted teeth.

Ike looked questioningly at the Mother Superior, who nodded in confirmation.

"We can only adopt the children, or allow them to leave with relatives, who are married. No single men and, especially, no single women. I'm sorry."

Ike nodded in understanding. The rule wasn't exactly unheard of, many orphanages in Nebraska Territory and other surrounding states followed it as well. He held up a finger to the nun, asking for a moment of privacy.

She nodded in understanding and gathered her skirts around her. "I'll just give you two a moment to talk things over. I'll be back in a few minutes."

Lou started to say something, but clamped her lips shut and glared at Ike as he motioned for her to wait. After the nun left, the words exploded out of her mouth. "What are you doin' Ike? It ain't like we can change anythin'. I can't endanger the rest of the kids for Jeremiah and Teresa. I'm just gonna have ta sneak in and steal 'em in a week or so. I'll haveta wait a bit so's the sisters don't get in any trouble over it."

Ike shook his head. *I have another idea. One that would be a lot safer and would let us leave with the children today.*

Lou snorted. "Yeah, right. And what's that?"

*Let's get married.*


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Lou just stared at Ike, dumbfounded. Her mind sputtered to a complete halt. She could barely comprehend the words he'd signed and seriously doubted she'd read his signs right. Finally, she shook her head and croaked out an astounded, "What?!"

*Let's get married,* Ike signed again, a small smile hovering around the edges of his expressive mouth. He knew he'd more than shocked Lou, but they didn't have much time if this was going to work. *It doesn't have to be for real,* he continued signing as fast as he could. *Not like it would've been for you and Kid. I know that. But lots of folks get married for more practical reasons out here everyday. And what better reason could we have than to get Jeremiah and Teresa out of here?*

Lou shook her head as if poleaxed. He'd said what she'd thought he'd said. But she still didn't quite understand.

"You want to marry me? For my brother and sister?" she asked incredulously, not sure whether to feel thankful or insulted.

Ike nodded happily and breathed a sigh of relief. She was starting to catch on. Now that he had her full attention, he felt he could slow down and explain properly.

*You don't really think there'll be another Annie out there for me?* he asked. *Someone who'll overlook all this?* He pointed at his throat and his bald head. *And want me anyway?*

Lou watched his impassioned plea with a puzzled expression. Why would he offer to do this for her? Especially after what she'd told him just the day before.

*You know I love you, Lou,* he continued. *We all do. I want to be there for you. And I love your brother and sister, too. I grew up in a mission much like this one and I know just how horrible it can be, no matter how nice the people who run it are. They'll be much better off once we get them out of here.*

She stared at him for a long moment. Finally, she asked, "What if you do meet someone, someday? What then?"

He smiled ruefully and shrugged. *I doubt it'll happen. We'll just have to cross that bridge when and if we come to it.*

He had an answer for everything it seemed, and his solution would work. After pondering his suggestion for what seemed like forever. She found herself slowly nodding. "Alright," she said. Then added a warning, "But it's a marriage in name only."

In response, Ike held out his hand toward her. She took it in her own and they shook, sealing the deal.

"Are you two sure you want to do this?" Mother Superior asked doubtfully. "It all seems rather sudden." She turned toward Lou to ask, "What about that young man who came with you the last time you visited? The one with the odd name? I got the impression he was your beau. Honestly, I expected you to come back married to him when you came to pick up Jeremiah and Teresa."

Lou closed her eyes in pain and Ike reached down from his position standing behind her chair to place a comforting hand on her shoulder. She grabbed his fingers and squeezed tight as she answered, "Kid's… gone. Dead."

Lou had to force the last word out over the lump trying to close her throat. She squeezed Ike's fingers so tightly he winced in pain, but never once tried to pull away. The Mother Superior, watching the young couple before her, took in all their actions and reactions with a raised eyebrow.

Finally, she sighed and said, "Well, I won't tell you what you can and can't do. You're both adults. But I will warn you, this will be a true marriage in the eyes of God and man. There's no backing out of this later on down the road."

"I ain't got no reason to," Lou murmured. Behind her back, Ike simply smiled at the nun, placing a hand over his heart before looking down at Lou. She nodded. She couldn't read Ike's signs, but she'd gotten his message all the same.

"Why don't you two go give Jeremiah and Teresa the good news then," she smiled at them, "while I inform Father Armando he has a wedding to perform."

In no time at all, Lou found herself standing next to Ike before the aged priest who, along with the nuns, ran the orphan mission. She looked up at her groom, standing tall and proud at her side, and felt unaccountably nervous. They weren't marrying for love. They were good friends. They could make this work. For the children.

The thought had her eyes flitting to the two children, scrubbed to within an inch of their lives and dressed in their Sunday best, sitting quietly on the front pew behind her. Jeremiah and Teresa. They were the reason she was standing here. The reminder gave her the strength to go through with the marriage, despite her own fears and worries.

It was hardly the wedding of her dreams. Kid wasn't the man standing at her side. Teaspoon hadn't been there to give her away. She wasn't wearing the perfect white wedding dress she'd spent hours laboring over herself. No, she was standing in front of a strange priest, next to one of her best friends, almost a brother, in her riding clothes, without any of her Express family or friends present.

The ceremony unfolded almost like a dream as her thoughts wandered to and fro. She would have completely missed her vows, if it hadn't been for Ike's surreptitious squeezing of her fingers to get her attention.

In a bare whisper, she promised to love, honor and obey the tall man at her side, till death did they part. She almost giggled maniacally over the obey part. They both knew that would never happen. She just prayed it would be her death and not his that parted them. He deserved better than to die because he'd tried to help her.

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride," the priest intoned, bringing the ceremony to a close.

Ike leaned in and chastely pecked Lou on the cheek, even as Jeremiah and Teresa came bounding up to them as if suddenly catapulted across the chapel. Jeremiah wrapped his arms around Lou's waist as Teresa entwined herself around Ike's leg.

"Congratulations!" they shouted in unison.

"Indeed, congratulations my dears," Mother Superior smiled as she walked up to the couple. "May you have a long and happy life together, Mr. and Mrs. McSwain."

Lou turned to look at the nun in a moment of shock. When had that happened? How had she lost her own name in the process of entering a marriage of convenience? A frantic glance at Ike found him shrugging. Deciding to think about the name change later, Lou turned back to the children.

"You two better go get your bags," she said. "We need to hit the road if we're going to make camp before nightfall."

As they watched the children scamper off, Ike tugged at her elbow. When she looked at him, he signed, *Where are we going?*

Lou shrugged. "For now? Away from here. Can't say as I've thought beyond that."

"Jeremiah, chew with your mouth closed. And swallow before taking another bite," Lou scolded her brother. "Just because we're in the wilderness is no excuse for bad manners."

Ike swallowed his laughter as he listened to Lou imitating Emma. It was like she'd morphed into a shorter, more slender version of their first station mother when they'd ridden away from the orphanage with her brother and sister in tow. Ike was fascinated at this change in her. Yet he could still sense the underlying layer of pain and grief she was trying to ignore.

After the kids had finally fallen asleep and Lou and Ike had tidied camp, they settled down for a last cup of coffee before turning in themselves.

*We're gonna need ta get more supplies,* Ike signed.

Lou sighed. "I know. We ain't got no meat or beans left after tonight. One of us can hunt, but that'll only tide us over for a day or two. We're gonna have ta go into town."

Ike wondered at her obvious reluctance to going into St. Joe proper, but her every word and movement screamed at him to not ask. So he kept silent, something he was good at, and just nodded.

"What's that?" Teresa asked excitedly for what seemed like the hundredth time since they'd ridden into St. Joe. Lou didn't even bother to look anymore.

"Stay close," she warned instead as she rode up to the boardwalk outside the general store. "And remember, we're just here for a few supplies."

Lou dismounted and tied Katy to the hitching post before turning to help Teresa off Sundancer. Jeremiah had already climbed down off Lightning and was copying Lou's motions at the hitching post. Soon, Lou was leading a small parade into the store, Teresa holding tight to her hand while Jeremiah followed close on her heels and Ike brought up the rear.

"Go over to the candy section and pick out one piece each," Lou told the children. They immediately scampered off to make their choices. Lou turned to Ike and asked, "So, what should we get? It'll need to be more than canned beans and jerky."

Ike smiled. *Probably some basics, like flour, oats, cornmeal, salt, coffee, and… yes, we'll need beans and jerky, too.*

It didn't' take them long to gather what they wanted and head over to the clerk. But, when they looked at the pile of stuff, Lou groaned. "We'll never get all this into our saddlebags, not even with the extra horses."

*How much money do you have on you?* Ike asked. *Do you have enough to get a packmule?*

"Yeah," Lou said, twisting her mouth in a grimace. "I took out everything I've saved over the last couple years before I left. I just didn't want to spend so much of it right off like this."

*One packmule ain't going to put much of a dent in your savings. And we still won't have touched mine. Why don't you head on down to the livery and see about that mule and I'll go over to the bank and make arrangements to get my savings.* Ike paused a moment before continuing. *I'm guessing we're not going back to Rock Creek?*

Lou paled slightly and shook her head quickly in rejection. Turning, she headed toward the livery without another word. Ike watched her for a moment before turning in the other direction, never noticing the tall, debonairly dressed man standing on the corner also watching Lou move down the boardwalk.

"Hello! Anybody here?" Lou called out, peering into the depths of the barn.

"How can I hep you sonny?" a skinny, grizzled man with a straggly grey beard and just a few wisps of hair still clinging to his skull poked his head out of the tackroom. He hawked and spat, sending a stream of tobacco juice to join the manure and old straw scattered about the barn floor.

"I need a packmule. How much you charging?"

The man, shorter than Lou herself, straightened to his full height and swaggered out to the barn entrance where Lou was standing. "Ain't got none."

"What?"

"You heard me, I ain't got none. Sold the last mule to a wagon train drover not 10 minutes ago. Got a good team of oxen, if yer lookin' ta supply up, and a couple ridin' horses. Mustangs. But ain't got no more mules."

Lou's eyes narrowed at the man's spiel.

"Wagon train?" she asked, curiously.

"Ayup," the man nodded, moving the wad of tobacco tucked into his lip from one side of his mouth to the other. "Ain't yer heard? St. Joe's become the jumping off point fer most wagon trains headed west… Oregon, Californy, the silver mines in Nevada, gold mines in Colorady. 'Course, most folks that roll through here are homesteaders, headin' west in search of land. Farmers!" Once again the man spat in the dust, this time in disgust.

Lou nodded slowly as she digested what he was telling her, and a plan began forming in her head. "Where can I find one of these wagon trains?"

"Most are camped just outside of town," he said, pointing down the street with his chin, toward the nearby river.

"How much for three yoke of oxen and a wagon?" Lou asked.

"Ain't got no more wagons. Ye'll have ta head over to the Conestoga offices, down on 3rd Street and order one. Probably take a week or so. The oxen'll cost ya $65 a yoke, so… that'd be… " he paused to calculate the total in his head, "One hunnert, ninety-five dollars. Cash mind ya, I don't give credit."

"That's highway robbery," Lou nearly screeched. "I can get 'em fer half that price."

"Not 'round here, ye cain't," he retorted assuredly. "Buy 'em or not, sonny, those oxen'll be sold by the end of the day at $65 a yoke."

Lou glared at the man before turning around and marching toward the bank. The prices were outrageous, but she wasn't willing to give up on the plan that was brewing in her head.

*You want to go to Oregon?* Ike asked.

"I don't know 'bout goin' all the way," Lou shrugged, "but, yeah. We can stop when we find a nice town, or a decent place ta set up a farm. It's what I always wanted ta do once I got Jeremiah and Teresa. Get our own place."

Ike glanced over to where the children sat on the edge of the boardwalk, carefully sucking on their candy sticks, trying to make them last as long as possible. He could see Lou's point. And he would enjoy farming again. It was what he'd been raised to do, before his parents were killed. He nodded.

*We can at least check,* he said. *Let's ride out and see if there's a train that'll take us before we start buying supplies, though.*

"Sounds good to me," Lou smiled. "Hey kids," she said, turning to her siblings, "guess what? We're going to go find us a place out on the wild frontier!"

She laughed at their excited cheers. Ike smiled, enjoying their exuberance and joy. None of them noticed the tall man standing in a nearby doorway, smiling knowingly around a cigar clamped between his teeth.

* .

Chapter 4

Lou stood next to their brand new team of six oxen, hitched up to a well provisioned Prairie Schooner, as Conestoga's recently revamped wagon model was being called for its resemblance to a seagoing craft. The last two weeks had been busier than she'd ever thought possible, but she was well satisfied with the work and happy to finally be moving out.

Ike had found a wagon train forming up that not only had room for the newly formed McSwain family, but was eager to welcome them. They would be traveling with the wagon train, but would also be working for the wagon master as scouts and hunters. The skills Teaspoon had taught them over the last year and a half had saved them quite a bit of money, Lou mused, as she silently blessed their mentor.

They'd spent more than she'd wanted to, but less than most of the others. Now, they were fully provisioned with foodstuffs, wagon, spare equipment in case of breakdowns, and all the animals they'd need to survive this journey. Along with the six oxen to pull the wagon and their horses, they'd bought or bartered for a pregnant cat, they'd be able to trade the kittens for quite a bit later on, six chickens and two roosters, a milk cow with a calf and one large dog to stand watch over the lot.

Proper provisions, hunting and scouting skills weren't the only things that separated the McSwains from their newfound traveling companions, though, Lou thought as she watched wagon after wagon pull out ahead of her. All of them were overloaded with unnecessary items the pioneers were loath to give up. From personal experience riding the trails in Nebraska and Wyoming Territories, she knew half of those family heirlooms, or more, would end up abandoned along the side of the trail soon enough. In that sense, she figured, they were lucky. They had nothing with emotional attachments to bid goodbye to.

"Shhhh," she whispered to the nearest ox as it moved restlessly in its traces. The large animals, each of which outweighed her by six or seven times, were getting nervous spending so long standing while the other wagons pulled out. But, it couldn't be helped. Part of their deal with the wagon master was that while one of the McSwain 'brothers' was scouting ahead for their next camp, the other was designated to ride drag, making sure no one fell out of formation.

Lou ran a careful eye over each of the wagons, making sure everything was properly lashed down and in place. Some of the members of the wagon train had chafed at taking orders from what they considered to be mere boys, but this group of tenderfeet was so green they wouldn't catch fire in the desert.

Mentally, she ran through the eight other families in the train. The first wagon belonged to the Nolans, a freed black man, school teacher, his white wife and her father, heading west so they could live in peace. And hadn't it gotten the goat of the Graysons, a Missouri banker, his wife and three daughters, that the Nolans had drawn the lead position this first day. After the Graysons, came the Metcalfes, the strangest father daughter duo Lou'd ever seen. It was more like their roles were reversed, with Emily Metcalfe acting like the adult and her father, Carl, more like an immature adolescent. Next were three interrelated farm families from Tennessee, the Stuarts, with so many children amongst the three couples Lou'd yet to figure out the exact number or which of them belonged to which couple The seventh wagon belonged to the O'Callahan's, an older couple, recently immigrated from Ireland, and their five sons, ranging in age from 30 to 5. Bringing up the rear, was the man already referred to simply as Preacher and his wife. In reality they were Mr. and Mrs. Edward Heath. Mrs. Heath, Lou had no idea what her first name was, was pregnant, just barely starting to show.

"Jeremiah, Teresa," Lou called to the two youngsters, chasing each other happily through the abandoned campsite. "Come on, it's almost time for us to go."

"Yes, Lou," Teresa answered obediently. Both children ran and climbed onto the back of the big wagon. They'd have to walk for most of the journey, so Lou had decided to let them ride as long as possible. The horses they'd decided to reserve for hunting and scouting duties. No telling how good the grazing was going to be further west, and they didn't want to waste any more of their supplies than necessary supplementing the equines' feed.

Ike rode up next to her just as she was about to snap the whip and start the oxen on their way.

*Everything set?* he asked. *I can still take this first shift and you can scout ahead today.*

Lou shook her head. "No, I drew short straw. I know I ain't as good as you with the oxen yet, but I'm gettin' there. 'Sides, I ain't gonna get any better without just jumpin' in there and doin' it."

Ike nodded soberly, touched his hat in farewell and galloped off toward the head of the wagon train. Lou twitched the whip in her hand, flicking it just over the heads of the lead yoke of oxen and shouted, "Get on there, Boss and Bessie. Move on out! Giddup Jess and Jud! Move it, Hap and Hop!"

With a soft lowing of protest, the big animals lurched forward, pulling the wagon out onto the road, headed west. Lou walked at their side, carefully guiding them with the whip and a long prod, called a goad. Every time she successfully snapped the whip, Lou felt a warm spot deep in her soul for Noah, who'd taught her the basics. But, much as she missed her Express family, she wasn't willing to go back and bring danger to their doorstep.

Their first week on the trail had gone well, Ike mused as he cantered back toward the wagon train after finding a suitable spot along the Platte River to stop for the night. Once he reported in, he'd head back out again to see if he couldn't scare up a little game.

Before sighting the wagon master though, Ike's eyes went straight to his own wagon, at the end of the train. He smiled as he watched Lou teaching Jeremiah how to drive the oxen. Once she'd gotten a handle on it herself, she'd been eager to pass that knowledge on. It warmed Ike's heart, when he saw how motherly Lou was with her brother and sister. It was a side of her they'd rarely seen in the bunkhouse. It was a side of her he loved.

Shaking his head, Ike turned his smiling face to seek out the wagon master. But his eyes caught on the middle wagon, the Metcalfes', just as the skirts of one of the Grayson' girls' fancy dresses fluttering in the breeze spooked the Metcalfes' mules. The lead pair reared straight up, almost coming straight down on top of the Grayson girl. Her large brimmed prairie bonnet prevented her from seeing the danger headed her way. Luckily, Tim Nolan saw and made a running tackle, pushing her out of the animal's way, to safety.

Mrs. Grayson and her other two daughters screamed hysterically, even as Ike, Lou and Stan Henderson, the wagon master, came rushing up. Henderson and Ike quickly helped Emily Metcalfe get the animals back under control, while Lou checked on Tim Nolan and Constance Grayson.

"Get your dirty hands off me, you nigra!" Constance Grayson spat at her rescuer. "How dare you! My father'll have you horsewhipped for this!"

"He tries and I'll shoot him so full of holes yer mother'll be able ta use him fer a colander," Lou spat out. Pointing to Tim, who'd already risen to his feet and was brushing the prairie dust off his clothes, she added, "This man just saved your life. You oughta be thankin' him, not cussin' him."

Turning to Tim, she asked, "Are you alright, Mr. Nolan?"

"Just fine, young man," he said, nodding in Lou's direction. "Thank you for asking," he added pointedly, before turning to walk back toward his own wagon.

Lou sighed as she watched him trudge back to his anxiously waiting wife, and the way Mrs. Grayson sniffed and pulled her skirts aside so he couldn't accidentally touch them. She had a feeling there was going to be trouble between those two families, sooner rather than later. Her eyes narrowed even further as she watched Mrs. Grayson and her two other daughters, Prudence and Charity, converge on the still upset Constance. More specifically, she was taking a closer look at their clothes.

*What are you doing?* Ike asked, as he settled down next to the fire wearily. Jeremiah and Teresa had run him ragged once he'd returned from hunting that afternoon with several large grouse to add to the various cookfires.

Lou held up the pair of pants she was hemming. Speaking around the straight pins in her mouth, she muttered, "I'm shortening these for Teresa."

*Why?*

"That bonnet she wears and them skirts? They're a danger. Constance Grayson never even saw that mule comin' fer her around the wide brim of her bonnet. And it was her skirts that spooked the animal in the first place. Dresses are too dangerous."

Ike nodded. It made sense. *You know that's going to cause a scandal, though?*

Lou shrugged. "Teresa's life is more important."

"Those boys shouldn't be allowed to have charge of a darling young lady like little Teresa," Mrs. Grayson spoke up. "Letting her run around in pants like that. Why, it's un-Godly. Am I not right, Preacher?"

"Now, Mrs. Grayson, under normal conditions I might agree with you," Pastor Heath began placatingly. "But those 'boys' as you call them have good reasons for what they've done, and I can't say as I disagree with them."

"I've already tightened my skirts and shortened the brims of my bonnets," Mrs. Heath added in quietly. "So as to prevent another such incident as the one that almost took your dear Constance from us."

"My darling Connie's clothing is quite appropriate for a girl her age," Mrs. Grayson defended heatedly, before turning on the Metcalfes, "And would never have caused any problems if you would have had proper control of your animals. Just goes to show what comes of letting a woman do a man's job," she sniffed.

"Leave my daughter out of this," Carl Metcalfe growled.

"She handles those animals better than your husband does yours," Lou spoke out, translating for Ike's rapid fire signing. "You should spend more time worrying about your own family and leave others alone."

"Now, now, folks," the wagon master tut tutted, trying to get everyone to calm down. "I know what happened has everyone on edge. But we can't go taking this out on one another. We're only a little more than a week into a six month journey! One in which you will face perils that will make this week's look like a walk in the park. You've got to learn to get along."

Mrs. Grayson huffed in exasperation and motioned to her daughters and husband. "Come along. I won't stay where I'm not wanted."

Mr. Grayson glanced apologetically around the group before following his wife and daughters away from the central campfire and back to their wagon.

"I wish she would," Mrs. O'Callahan muttered. "This journey would be a mite more peaceful without the likes o' her around."

A short time later the weekly meeting broke up, after deciding that they would continue to follow the tried and true route along the Platte River up into Nebraska Territory rather than attempting a new shortcut the wagon master had heard about.

As Lou herded Teresa and Jeremiah toward their own wagon, Teresa tugged at her coatsleeve.

"Yes, Resi?" Lou asked, leaning down toward her sister.

"I like my new clothes," Teresa said. "They're just like yours!"

Lou smiled and hugged Teresa close. "Come on, it's time to get you two into bed. Mornin's gonna come awful early. And there'll be no more ridin' in the wagon after this."

"Mr. McSwain? Ike?" a soft feminine voice called from the edge of the light cast by their fire.

Lou poked her head out of the back of the wagon to see Emily Metcalfe standing nervously nearby.

"Ike's not here," she said. "He'll be back in a few. He went to check on Mr. Nolan. Their cow's been off her feed lately. Can I help you?"

Emily smiled at Lou and nodded. Twisting her hands nervously in front of her, she said, "I wanted to thank you and your brother for comin' to my defense earlier. I'm not used to that."

"You didn't do anythin' wrong," Lou shrugged.

"I know, but, folks don't usually care 'bout things like that."

*What do you mean?* Ike asked, walking up to join them.

Emily looked at him in confusion.

"He just wants to know what you mean by saying folks don't usually care about right and wrong," Lou interpreted.

"Oh," Emily said, blushing a little. Ducking her head she said, "Well, my Pa? He likes to gamble a bit. He's good and he usually wins. But, he's had problems before. He won't stand for others cheating him. Can't keep his mouth shut. We're out here 'cause a senator's son got shot back home, after Pa accused him of cheatin'. Pa wasn't the one doin' the shooting, but he was the one took the blame."

Lou nodded sympathetically, looking across at Ike. Both had been through similar problems before. Moving toward the fire, Lou picked up the coffee pot and held it up.

"Want some coffee?" she asked.

"Sure," Emily said, following her over. Ike joined them. Soon, the three were chatting away like old friends.

After Emily finally left, and Lou and Ike were spreading out their bedrolls underneath the wagon, Lou turned to Ike and said, "She likes you."

*What?*

"You heard me. She likes you."

*Don't matter,* Ike shrugged. *I'm already married? Remember.*

Lou just looked at Ike strangely, before rolling over and closing her eyes.

"What is that awful stench?" Lou muttered one morning as she crawled out from under the wagon, blearily blinking out into the hazy early morning light.

Ike shrugged as he finished gathering the eggs from the hens roosting in cages hanging from the bottom of the wagon.

*Scrambled eggs?* he asked, holding up the basket full of eggs. *We've got quite a few today. Coffee's already on.*

"Sure," Lou smiled, walking toward the pot sitting on a stone at the edge of the fire. The closer she got, the stronger the foul stench that made her want to wretch got. Bending over, she got a facefull of the smell of the brewing coffee and gagged. It was the coffee. No. Looking over at Ike, she realized it was her, not the coffee.. Standing up, she began to head away from camp in search of a place to do her business in privacy. "I'll be right back to help."

On her way back, she stopped by the river to wash her face and hands. Rounding a small copse of trees, she found Emily bent over, industriously scrubbing at a small piece of white cloth. As Emily held it up to the light to check its state of cleanliness, Lou recognized the menstruation belt in her hands.

She stopped suddenly in her tracks as her mind began to calculate how long it had been since she'd last used hers. Her face blanched. It had been too long. Way too long.

Chapter 5

"Watch out, Ike! Make sure you've got her legs tied tight!"

Lou watched anxiously, holding her end of the lasso attached to the thrashing, complaining cow's neck taut. If anything happened to Ike… she wouldn't let herself complete that thought. Ike had determined, after checking the Nolans' ailing cow several times, that one of her stomachs had gotten dislodged. In order to fix it, they were going to try a roll maneuver.

"Ready?" John Stuart called as Ike stepped back from where he'd been double checking the ropes binding the animal's feet together. At Ike's nod, John and Charles Stuart began pulling their rope, attached to the animal's rear hooves, to one side. Ike came over to Lou's side and together they began to pull the rope attached to the bovine's head and front hooves in the same direction. Soon, the bellowing cow was resting on one side. But they weren't done yet. Now, they all heaved and tugged until they had the cow on her other side. After repeating the rolling motion several times, Ike stepped in to the upset cow's side and carefully released the ropes holding her down.

With a last indignant moo of disgust, the animal lumbered to her feet and trotted off to reassure her anxious calf that all was well with the world.

Ike and the Stuarts walked over to join the Nolans, who'd watched the entire operation in fascination.

*We'll have to keep an eye on her for a few more days,* Ike said, Lou interpreting for him. *But, if I'm right, that should have taken care of her problems.*

"And if he's not, we'll be enjoying a nice beef roast," Charles Stuart cracked. The men all laughed. Lou smothered a grimace. So many of the foods she used to enjoy were now just turning her stomach. Even Ike was beginning to notice her sudden apparent lack of appetite.

"I can't thank you enough, gentlemen," Tim Nolan said, holding out his hand. Ike and Lou immediately reached out to shake, while the Stuarts stood back, shuffling a bit, looking confused and unsure how to handle the situation. "We'd never have known what to do without your help."

*You've got a lot to learn about living on the frontier,* Ike said.

"But you're hardly alone in that respect," Lou added on her own. "Even those of you who've been farmers will be facing challenges we've never dealt with before. This is a whole 'nother world."

"Ain't that the truth," John smiled good-naturedly. "Never thought to find myself working side by side with a nigra. And an educated one, at that."

"I'd prefer the term Colored," Tim replied, accepting the comment with good grace. "Although I don't think that's quite what young McSwain here meant."

"Speaking of educated," Lou spoke up, "I was wanting to talk to you about a little schooling for Jeremiah and Teresa? Maybe on Saturday afternoons, when we're resting?"

A short time later, as Lou and Ike moved back toward their own campsite, Lou looked around at the group of circled wagons. It had taken a few weeks, but the disparate families were starting to form a community with the habit of working together for the good of all. She grimaced a bit as her eyes lit on the Grayson wagon. Well, most of them anyway.

*Looks like the Graysons could use a little help,* Ike commented, pointing toward Mrs. Grayson and her three daughters. They had a squawking chicken surrounded and kept chasing it back and forth toward each other. Yet, when it came within reach of one of the women it would begin pecking at her, and she would squeal and run away.

"Smart chicken," Lou muttered. "I'd like to take a peck 'er two outta them myself."

Ike gave Lou a quelling look and she sighed. "Alright, alright. Let's go help."

Walking up behind the four women, Lou reached out and grabbed the chicken with both hands, one on its feet one around its neck, to keep it from pecking and scratching at her.

"You can't let it scare you like that," she said. "Now, what did you want to do with it?"

"We're planning a proper Sunday dinner, complete with fried chicken, for Mr. Grayson," Mrs. Grayson sniffed.

*Have you ever butchered a chicken?* Ike asked.

At their confused looks, Lou added, "Um, do you know what to do next?"

"No," Mrs. Grayson said shortly.

"We always had a maid who bought the chicken at market, already butchered," Constance sniffed. "Why didn't we bring a maid along, mother?"

"That was your father's decision."

"Well," Lou said, "one of you needs to put some water on to boil."

"Oh, we've already got that done," Charity, the youngest of the sisters, and least snotty in Lou's opinion, offered eagerly. "What's next?"

"You got a ax?" Lou asked.

Four heads swung slowly, side to side. Lou sighed.

*They're gonna have to wring its neck, then,* Ike signed.

"No, you mean I'm gonna have to do it," Lou grumped under her breath. Turning back to the women, she said, "Watch close, 'cause I ain't gonna be runnin' over here every time ya want ta butcher a chicken."

With quick, smooth motions, she grabbed the chicken's neck in both hands and twisted in two different directions. A distinct snap could be heard by all.

"Oh, oh my!" one of the Grayson women murmured.

"It's still alive," Prudence shouted. "Put it out of its misery!"

"No, it's dead," Lou said. "It ain't feelin' nothin' now." Letting the dead, flopping chicken dangle at her side, she looked around. "Alright, where's that boilin' water?"

Charity pointed toward the tripod hanging over the fire next to the wagon, with a pot dangling from its center. Lou walked over and checked the pot. Determining that it was big enough to handle the entire bird, she held it up by its feet and dunked it into the water.

Gagging at the sour stench pouring off the bird as she removed it from the water, she handed it over to Mrs. Grayson.

"Here," she gritted out. "You should be able to pluck it now."

Without another word, she turned and ran off into the woods to empty her stomach of all she'd eaten that day. Ike watched her go, worried, for a moment, before continuing on to their own campsite. He knew she wouldn't want him following her, but it was hard not to.

"Ike, where's Lou?" Jeremiah called excitedly, as he passed the O'Callahan wagon, where Jeremiah had made friends with the middle boy, 13 year old Liam.

*She's taking care of personal business. She'll be back in a few minutes,* Ike said.

Jeremiah nodded. "Look what Liam showed me how to make!"

Ike took the child's toy, called a Jacob's Ladder, and looked it over approvingly. While not perfect, it showed a certain attention to detail and care for craftsmanship that he liked. Jeremiah showed great promise at working with his hands.

*Good job.*

"Thanks! I can't wait to show Lou!"

*She'll be impressed, I'm sure.*

Ike was impressed with how quickly Jeremiah and Teresa had not only learned to read his signs, but even begun signing back. They'd gotten so good at it, that recently they'd started teaching the other children in the wagon train. All the kids thought it was great, a way to speak secretly without most adults being able to understand them. Now, it wasn't unusual for Ike to round the end of a wagon and find a group of youngsters signing away industriously to each other. He shook his head in wonderment at the idea.

When Lou walked back into camp, still wiping her mouth with her sleeve, Ike noticed she looked pale.

*Are you alright?*

"I'm fine," she said shortly, walking over to the food supplies to begin getting things out for supper.

Ike followed her, touching her elbow to get her attention. *Are you sure you're not getting sick? We're coming up on Rock Creek soon. You could go see the doctor there.*

If anything, she paled even further, jerking away from him to turn back to the food.

"I said I'm fine. Just leave it alone," she snapped at him.

*Are you sure you won't come along?* Ike asked as he looked down from his mount at a wan Lou. *Teaspoon, Rachel and the boys would love to see you. And…*

"Don't even say it," Lou snapped peevishly. "I left with no intentions of ever goin' back and nothin's changed that. You wanta visit, yer free ta do so. I ain't even gonna stop the young'un's from visitin'. But I ain't gonna put the others at risk with my presence."

*You're being silly, Lou,* Ike signed, a reproving look on his mobile features.

"Yeah, Lou, you ain't a danger to no one," Jeremiah chirped up from his position behind Ike on the horse.

"Stay out of things you don't understand, Jeremiah."

"And it's 'are not' not ain't," Teresa piped up from the safety of her position in front of Ike, surrounded by his protective arms. Just as Jeremiah was reaching out to smack his sister for her comment, Ike grabbed his arm and shook his head in a demanding, *No!*

Jeremiah settled for sticking his tongue out at her instead. Teresa just sniffed and turned away.

"Ike? You comin'?" Emily Metcalfe called from the rear of the group of departing pioneers. Ike waved to indicate he'd be there in a moment.

Turning back to Lou, he begged, *Be careful, I don't like you staying out here all by yourself. You know how dangerous this territory can be.*

"Precisely, I know what to expect. Especially 'round here. You can stop worryin' about me. I'll be fine. Now, git!"

Ike nodded unhappily and turned his horse to follow the path forged by the others from the wagon train who'd already left for town. He smiled as he caught up with Emily and her father. They'd become close friends with the McSwains over the last few weeks on the trail.

"What are you planning on picking up in town?" Emily asked, happily looking forward to the break from the monotony of their journey. By the end of the day, the pioneers would have emptied Tompkins' store of every possible portable item, and then some. This was their last chance for any sort of provisioning until Fort Kearney. And, from what Ike had heard, Kearney wasn't exactly stocking up for travelers anymore, not with the war back East.

*Not much we need,* Ike shrugged. Jeremiah translating for him. *Mostly going to be visiting with friends.*

"You've got friends in Rock Creek?" Carl Metcalfe asked curiously.

Ike nodded and began to explain all about their Express family.

Lou sighed as she watched Ike and her siblings ride away, chatting happily with the Metcalfes. The sight bothered her for some reason, but she refused to dwell on it. She had other things to worry about right now.

It was a relief to have some time to herself. She'd been fighting so hard not to admit what she knew was happening to her body. But she didn't have much choice. This week she'd missed her second monthly. And she'd always been regular as clockwork. There was no longer any room for doubt. At least on that front. She cringed away from the next thought that tried to push its way into her head. She just wasn't ready to deal with that yet.

After tidying up camp, Lou grabbed her saddlebags and walked down to the old watering hole. She found it ironic, or maybe it wasn't since Ike had scouted out their camp, that the wagon train had camped near Kid's old thinking place. Well, she needed to do some thinking. Might as well do some cleaning up while she was at it.

Soon, Lou was resting on a rock, warming herself in the sun as she let her hair and clothes dry out. The water had been chilly, but it felt soooo good to be clean again. She desperately missed having regular access to the shower Teaspoon had rigged up for the riders. She sighed as that returned her thoughts to the changes going on in her body, and their cause. One hand came to rest against her still flat belly.

"Louise, what a surprise to find you out here all by your lonesome," a well-remembered slick, oily voice from her past oozed across the clearing to her. Lou stiffened, one hand creeping under her hat toward her gun. But she froze at the ominous sound of a pistol hammer clicking into place. "I wouldn't do that if I were you, Louise."

Opening her eyes, Lou turned her head to face one of her worst nightmares head on. Wicks. Lyle Wicks. The man who'd stolen her childhood, her innocence from her, then left her bleeding on the floor. The man, who if you thought about it, was why she'd ended up with the Express.

"What do you want, Wicks?" she asked, refusing to let the fear his voice engendered in her show.

"Where's Charlotte? And the money you two stole from me?" he demanded harshly, motioning for her to stand up at the same time.

"Now, how would I know that?" Lou asked, reaching for her shirt and pants, pulling them on over the longjohns she was still wearing. "I ain't seen you or her in more than three years."

"She disappeared with it the same day I saw you in St. Joe. I know you're behind it!" He paused to laugh. "You may have changed your name, Lou McSwain, but you still had those two brats in tow. Did you really think I wouldn't recognize you?"

Walking up to her, he reached out with one hand to run a finger down her cheek. "You were always pretty, Louise. But you sure have grown into a beautiful woman." Feeling her shiver of fear, he smiled evilly at her. "Too bad you'll always be that frightened little girl, deep down inside." The timber of his voice dropped an octave as he purred to her, "You're mine, Louise. You've been mine since we celebrated your birthday together. You'll always be mine."

"Go to hell," Lou gritted out, spitting in his face. "I'm no one's. I belong to myself."

Wicks slapped her across the face, then grabbed a handful of hair at the back of her head, dragging her in close against his body. "Ooooh, you've still got spirit. I like that. Maybe I'll just take you back and make you earn the money Charlotte stole from me. What do you think of that?"

Lou smiled up into her tormenter's eyes. "I'd say, good luck tryin'."

Without another word, she brought her knee straight up, lodging it as high and tight as she possible could between his legs, spread wide for balance. As he tilted forward in pain, she reached out with her hands to grab his ears and help his face smash down into her other knee. When he fell to the ground, groaning, she kicked his gun away and brought up hers, which she'd unobtrusively palmed while getting dressed.

"I ain't a little girl anymore, Lyle Wicks, and you ain't got nothin' I want." As he started to make a move to get up, she slammed the toe of her boot into his diaphragm, sending him back to the ground, then stomped, hard, on the hand reaching out for her ankle. "See, I've done more than get strong. I've learned how to handle scum like you, from the best."

With that, she stepped back, cocked the trigger and pulled. With no expression on her face, she continued to pull the trigger until the only response was an empty click. Letting her gun arm fall to her side, she collapsed to her knees on the ground and just stared at the remains of the man who'd inhabited her nightmares for so long, the man whose influence on her life had stolen any chance she'd ever had at happiness with Kid.

"That's for all of us, all the girls you've ruined and tried to ruin over the years. And even for Charlotte. She deserved anything she may have taken from you and more. Now, she'll be safe. We'll all be safe." Once again her hand crept up to rest protectively over her belly.

Lou sat there, staring at the body of Lyle Wicks, watching as it started to bloat in the afternoon sun, flies and buzzards hovering around, drawn by the scent of death. So lost was she in her thoughts, she never heard the sounds of someone crashing through the brush. When a large hand came to rest on her shoulder, she jumped, turning ready to fight, only to nearly collapse in on herself as she saw Ike looking down at her with nothing more than concern in his eyes.

Suddenly, all the pain and worry of the previous few days and the fear of the last few hours became too much for her. Before Ike could even ask her what had happened, she collapsed into his surprised arms, bawling her eyes out.

Once again, Ike found himself cradling a sobbing Lou in his arms. Holding her close, offering her the only comfort he could, even as he struggled to understand why she was so upset. It wasn't like she'd never killed a man before. It couldn't be that. He knew there was something more, something that had been bothering her for awhile. He just hoped she'd trust him enough to talk about it, soon.

Lou didn't understand why, but it felt good, safe and comfortable, being held tight in Ike's arms. It felt, right. Like this was where she belonged. Like she'd come home. Even as her tears tapered off, she found herself hoping Ike wouldn't let go of her.

She knew he was about to ask her what had happened, so, to keep him from letting go, she started talking. Slowly at first, in a barely audible voice, she began to tell the story of Wicks' attack on her, Charlotte's aid in her midnight escape and how she'd eventually ended up with the Express. Only here, in the safety of Ike's arms, did she feel capable of putting into words what had happened to her.

Yet, even as the thought occurred to her, she began to feel horribly guilty. Ike wasn't the one she should've been telling this tale to. Pulling away from him, she muttered, "If I'd only told Kid. Things would've ended so differently. He wouldn't have died. Jimmy would still be here…"

*Maybe,* Ike said, reaching out to place a comforting hand on her shoulder for a moment before continuing. *But they're not. And I think Kid would've been happy you had someone you trusted enough to share it with. He would've hated seeing you in pain as much as I do. He'd have wanted you to be happy.*

Chapter 6

Lou stood at the tailgate of the wagon, showing Teresa how to mix a batch of baking powder biscuits. Since she had scouting duty today that meant she also had breakfast detail. Ike and Jeremiah were feeding the stock.

Watching as Teresa carefully stirred the white batter that would go with bacon for breakfast, Lou swallowed back the bile trying to force its way up.

"Dang it," she muttered angrily, turning away from the suddenly disturbing sight of the biscuit batter.

"You alright, Lou?" Teresa asked, worried. They'd all noticed her odd behavior the last few days, but she wouldn't talk to any of them. She just kept getting crabbier and crabbier.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Lou muttered, starting to walk away. "You know what to do next. Call me when yer ready ta put them in the dutch oven."

"Sure, Lou," Teresa said quietly, taking the batter out of the bowl and plopping it down onto the well-floured surface of the tailgate to begin kneading the dough.

"Still grouchy Lou today?" Jeremiah asked, timidly poking his head around the corner of the wagon, having just finished feeding and watering the livestock. Teresa nodded morosely. "Here," he suggested. "Why don't you give me that. I'll finish the biscuits while you go milk Samantha."

Teresa happily traded chores and, grabbing the bucket, took off quickly to find the milk cow. Jeremiah shook his head as he watched her running across the field, braids trailing out behind her. She stopped at the first of the Stuart wagons to pick up young Peter Stuart, the only other child on the wagon train her age. They'd spent almost every free moment playing together the last few weeks. And, oh, hadn't that gotten Mrs. Grayson's goat! Eventually, Teresa made her meandering way, Peter now in tow, to the temporary corral where all the milk cows were herded together.

"Samantha," Jeremiah muttered to himself in disgust. "Oddest damned name I've ever heard of for a cow." Turning to the dough in front of him, he began to use a tin cup to cut it into circles for biscuits. "Don't know why Lou insisted on it."

A sudden angry shout interrupted his internal conversation. Looking over to Lou by the fire, he saw her with a skillet raised over her head, chasing after the Grayson's little pug dog. It was running for all it was worth, little legs churning through the dust, their rasher of bacon clenched tightly in its jaws.

"Come back here, you varmint! I'm gonna skin you alive!"

Lou caught up with the dog at the same time that Mrs. Grayson descended from her wagon to see what all the ruckus was about. Jerking the bacon away from the canine, Lou started to swing the skillet at the now whimpering animal.

"Don't you dare," screeched Mrs. Grayson. "You touch one hair on my Poppy's precious head and I'll have you horsewhipped." Bending over, she gathered the trembling dog into her arms, holding him tightly to her heaving chest.

"Then you'd better keep that nuisance in your own camp from now on," Lou gritted out. "I can't afford ta be feeding it bacon every morning. It steals one more piece of food from my camp, it even pokes its damned nose in my direction, and I'll shoot the danged thang and toss it in the cookpot!"

Mrs. Grayson sucked in a shocked breath, before turning to stomp back toward her wagon. Looking around, Lou noticed the crowd her temper had gathered.

"Y'all can go 'bout yer business. Ain't nothin' ta see here," she snapped, turning back toward her own camp.

Ike, returning from his own morning chores, shook his head. Something had to break, and soon. Lou's temper was getting worse and worse. Sure, the dog was a nuisance, but there was no call to threaten to eat it.

"Wagon's West!" came the daily call that got the train lumbering on its way. Progress was slow and grating on Lou's nerves. She was used to covering 75 miles in a day. The train was on a roll if it made 10. Sighing, she turned her horse down the route the train was taking and urged it into a gallop. Time to go find tonight's campsite.

Ike watched her take off from where he was walking alongside the oxen pulling their wagon in the permanent drag position. He hoped she'd be back for lunch today. He wanted to talk to her, try to get her to open up. He knew what had happened with Wicks was bothering her and that she was feeling guilty for having told him, not Kid. But it felt like there was something more. And, she still wasn't eating right. Normally, Lou could, and would, keep up with the rest of the boys when it came to eating everything in sight not nailed down. Lately, though, she'd been surreptitiously giving half her food to their dog, Duke. The other half came back up a short time later, like as not. She was starting to look tired and drawn and was losing weight, not something she could afford to do to begin with. She'd always been such a slight thing.

Lou enjoyed the morning back in the saddle, flying down the trail on Lightning's back, letting the wind ruffle through her hair. She was able to simply be. She didn't have to worry about the babe in her belly, or what everyone's reaction would be. She didn't have to think about all the things that were bothering her. With a sigh though, she eventually slowed the horse and began to search along the banks of the river for a suitable camp spot.

Shortly before noon, she rode back up to the moving line of wagons to report to the wagon master on what she'd found. Drawing Lightning to a standstill on a rise overlooking the train, she let her eyes drift down its line, until they came to rest on Ike, and Emily, walking alongside her wagon. Emily was chattering away while Ike kept their oxen heading in the right direction. Lou smiled a bit at the sight.

When he caught sight of her waiting, the wagonmaster, Stan Henderson looked up at the sun, almost directly overhead, and raised his arm to shout…. "Wagons Halt!"… indicating it was time to stop for the noon break.

In a stuttering line, the wagons began grinding to a slow halt. Lou watched in growing horror as she saw two of the Stuart boys playing on the opened tailgate of their wagon, apparently oblivious to the order to halt. One of them was Teresa's new little friend. Lou began to look around for Resi, when, out of the corner of her eye, she saw the Stuart wagon jerk to a stop, sending Peter flying off the end of the tailgate, right under the hooves of the oxen pulling the next vehicle. Even from her distant position, she could hear the screams of horror from onlookers as several adults rushed in to pull the child free.

Riding up to join the gathered group of concerned family and friends, Lou could tell it was already too late. In her few short years she'd seen too many dead bodies. The oxen's hooves had so badly mangled the boy Lou would never have recognized him if she hadn't seen him playing just moments ago.

Not wanting them to witness any more of the horror before her, Lou began herding the shocked children away from the scene, even as Ike helped several of the men carry the boy to a shady spot near the trail. It looked like they weren't going to make the campsite she'd found tonight, afterall.

"What happened to Peter, Lou? Will he be able to play with me again after lunch?" Teresa asked.

Lou stopped in her tracks and looked down at her little sister. Hunkering down on her knees, she looked Teresa in the eyes. "Honey, Peter won't ever be able to play with you again. He's…." suddenly she found herself choking up with tears over the death of a child she'd barely known, "he's dead."

"But, he just fell out of the wagon," the little girl protested.

"Resi, you know how dangerous those oxen can be," Jeremiah scoffed. "There's no way he could've survived being trampled by six of them! Don't be stupid."

"Jeremiah! There's no call to be mean," Lou reprimanded him, as Teresa threw herself into Lou's arms, wailing for all she was worth. "How would you feel if it had been Liam who'd fallen instead?"

Standing, Lou picked up the little girl and continued on her way back to their campsite, a chastened Jeremiah following in her footsteps.

Seating herself next to their wagon, leaning up against the rear wheel, Lou awkwardly patted her sister's back. "There, there," she murmured. "It'll be alright."

"No it won't. Peter's never coming back, never, ever, never," she wailed at the top of her lungs.

Not knowing what to say to that, Lou remained silent and continued to hug the little girl. Eventually, Teresa fell asleep in Lou's arms. She still sat there holding her little sister close. It so easily could have been Jeremiah or Teresa. Lou couldn't believe how scared she'd been.

"I'm sorry, Lou," Jeremiah finally broke the silence. "I wasn't' trying to be mean."

Lou looked up at her younger brother and saw the tear streaks down his cheeks. Holding out one arm, she beckoned him close. He moved over and slid under her arm to cuddle up to her side.

"I know you weren't honey," she said quietly. "He was your friend, too, wasn't he?"

Jeremiah nodded his head in a silent yes.

Feeling Teresa stirring in her arms, Lou decided to broach the subject that had been preying on her mind. "Do you see now why we don't let you play on the wagon while it's moving? How dangerous it can be?"

"Yes, ma'am," Jeremiah whispered.

"Good," Lou sighed. Looking up, she watched as Ike trudged back to camp, his shoulders bowed in grief as well. When he was close enough to speak, she asked, "How are they doing?"

*Not well,* he sighed. *John Stuart is putting together a casket, but I think the boy's father is losing it. He was their only son.* Ike shook his head.

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Teresa asked from her place on Lou's lap.

"Yeah, what can we do? Anything'd be better than sitting here seeing poor Peter falling off that wagon over and over again," Jeremiah added.

Ike looked at Lou and she nodded. It would be better to keep the kids busy. *Resi, could you go help the O'Callahans with the littler children?*

Teresa nodded eagerly, immediately jumping up and running across to the O'Callahan wagon.

"What about me?"

*The funeral will be this evening, before supper,* Ike said. *No one's going to want to spend a lot of time cooking afterward. Could you and your friends get your fishing poles and catch us a mess of fish?*

"Yes, sir! I'll get right on it," Jeremiah said and was soon rummaging through the wagon for his pole.

"Thanks, Ike. They needed something to keep them busy," Lou said, smiling wanly up at him. He nodded.

*Our help is needed, too.*

"Grave detail?" she guessed. Again he nodded. "Let me get our shovel and I'll be right there."

As she stood to go, he reached out for her arm.

*You don't have to do this,* he started to sign.

"Yes. Yes, I do," she nearly whispered. "That could've been Teresa. Or Jeremiah. It could've been you or me. Yes, I have to do whatever I can to help, because it could be one of us next time."

Without another word, she walked away. Ike watched her go, a pain growing in his heart.

"Lou! Lou McSwain! Lou! You can stop now," Stan Henderson called to her. "Let someone else take a turn. You can't work that hard for so long in this heat!"

"I'm fine," she said, continuing to swing her shovel in a rhythmic heave ho motion. "I'm almost there."

"Ike," the wagonmaster said, "can you talk some sense into your brother."

Ike shook his head and shrugged. No one had ever been able to talk sense into Lou once she had her mind made up.

"Done," Lou panted, reaching out to hand her shovel up to Ike. Then, taking his hand, she used it as leverage to pull herself out of the grave, a shiver crawling up her spine as she did so. Rising to her feet, she swayed momentarily next to Ike. He reached out a hand to steady her.

*When did you eat last?*

She looked at him, uncomprehendingly. Then, suddenly, simply slumped into a heap at his feet.

Lou! he shouted in his head, wishing for the millionth time he still had his voice. No one else noticed as he frantically bent over to check on her. Everyone was too busy taking care of all the details needed to bury one, too young victim of the trail west.

Once assured Lou was alive, Ike carefully gathered her into his arms and carried her back to their wagon. There he climbed inside and laid her down on the pallet the children slept on. Then, he simply sat beside her, waiting. He didn't know what else to do and had no one to ask for advice.

Thankfully, it wasn't long before Lou began to come to, her head moving restlessly from side to side as her eyelids fluttered once, then twice, before opening fully. Her brown orbs met his expressive green ones.

Suddenly, he was angry with her. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he began to 'talk'.

*What's wrong? And don't tell me nothing, because something is obviously going on!* he gestured emphatically.

Lou started to turn her head away, to deny him the chance to have his say. This enfuriated him. Reaching out he grabbed her chin and forced her to look his way. With exaggerated gestures, he continued his tirade.

*I've had it, Lou! You act as if you're the only one anything happens to! Stop playing the martyr. You ain't the only one to survive a tragedy. Well, guess what, you're my wife, admit it or not. What happens to you happens to me. When something's wrong with one of us, then it's wrong with both of us. You can't keep trying to shoulder all the burden. That's not how it works.*

He was really angry, a startled Lou marveled, watching as his arms swung wildly about. It was odd, being bawled out in complete and total silence, she thought inconsequentially. The only sounds in the confines of their wagon were Ike's harsh breathing and the occasional pounding of a fist against his chest.

*And don't you go trying to give me that crap about this being a marriage of convenience. If you haven't noticed, there ain't nothing convenient about this. But I'm still here! We're a family. Long before you and I made any vows, we were a family. Nothing's changed about that. And family sticks together. Didn't you learn anything from Teaspoon?*

Finally, she opened her mouth to say something, but Ike glared at her to 'shut-up' and continued on with his tirade. So, she settled back on the pallet and waited. When his motions eventually slowed, she peeked up at him through her eyelashes.

"May I speak now?" she asked meekly.

He nodded choppily, his anger still in full force.

"I'm pregnant."

This stopped all movement from the tall man hovering over her. Until he suddenly dropped to the pallet at her side, his eyes now twice the size they'd been just moments before.

*Pregnant? With a baby?*


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 7**

"With a horse!" Lou snapped sarcastically. "Of course, a baby."

Ike stared at her for a moment, then taking Lou by complete surprise, jumped to his feet, grabbed her around the waist to lift her up and smack a big, noisy kiss on her forehead, before hopping out of the wagon and turning several cartwheels and handsprings. Lou moved to the tailgate to watch his exuberant celebration, laughing at his sudden excitement.

Running back, he hopped up on the wagon's tailgate to sit next to her. With almost exaggerated care, Ike wrapped an arm around her shoulders and asked, *How far along are you?*

All the lighthearted laughter slipped away from Lou with those simple words. Looking down at her hands, she began picking at a stray thread hanging from one cuff.

"About two months," she muttered.

Reaching out to tilt her chin up so she could see him, he asked gently, *Jimmy?*

Lou shrugged, again looking away from him. Blushing slightly, she added, "Maybe. Or Kid."

Pulling her tight against his side, he gently kissed the top of her head and placed a hand gently over her stomach. With one hand he awkwardly signed, *It doesn't matter. Either way, this child is a piece of one of our brothers that will always be with us.*

Lou looked up at Ike to see if he was serious. His green eyes bored into hers, and she could tell, he was indeed happy about this news. She didn't understand, couldn't understand.

"How can you be so happy about this? Raising another man's child? A wife who isn't. And you know what they're all going to think once I start showing!"

Ike slid away from her a touch in order to use both hands. *They'll think whatever we tell them, especially if we don't wait until you're showing to announce who you really are. Besides, since when did you care about what others thought?*

Lou shrugged. "Don't know. Just do."

*As for the rest, I've always wanted a big family, lots of children. It's been a pure joy having Resi and Jeremiah around. I can't wait to add this little one to the lot I get to spoil.*

Lou had to chuckle at that. Spoil the children, Ike certainly did, in the best way possible, with lots of love. He was strict, but with such a gentle hand they hardly noticed. Sometimes she wondered how he managed it.

*Besides,* he continued, *"If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband's brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband's brother unto her. And it shall be, that the firstborn which she beareth shall succeed in the name of his brother which is dead, that his name be not put out of Israel."*^

"What was that?"

*Just something Preacher Heath said last Sunday. Guess it sort of stuck with me.*

She was so busy contemplating those words, she completely missed his next comment, *And you're the only kind of wife I want.*

"What's this?" Lou asked when Ike handed her her breakfast the next morning. Next to the cornmeal mush was a handful of some sort of flat biscuit.

*Soda crackers,* Ike smiled at her. *I remember my Ma practically lived on them when she was expecting my little sister. Said they were the only thing she could keep down.*

Lou stiffened. "Where'd you get 'em?"

Ike busied himself with lifting a spoon to his mouth and chewing slowly so he wouldn't have to answer, but Lou wasn't going to let it go.

"Well? I thought we agreed to wait a bit more before.. sayin' anythin' to the others." The decision had come after a lot of fast talking on her part. Ike was ready to have her quit scouting and hunting right away. But Lou had insisted she could continue with her work for the wagon train, at least until she started showing.

Finally, reluctantly, Ike said, *Mrs. Heath.*

"What did you tell her?"

*Just that you were feeling poorly. I didn't give nothing away.*

Still uncertain, but unwilling to break the fragile peace they'd established the night before, Lou let it go. Reaching down, she picked up one of the soda crackers and brought it to her nose. Unlike coffee, bacon and half a dozen other foods they ate on a daily basis, the scent didn't turn her stomach. That was a good sign. Sticking just the tiniest corner of the cracker in her mouth, she bit it off and chewed, slowly. When her stomach didn't protest, she tried a larger piece. Before she knew it, the crackers were all gone, as was half her cornmeal mush.

"Guess they work pretty well," she finally admitted, looking up at Ike as he was about to gather the dishes for washing. "Thanks."

*You're welcome,* he signed, smiling broadly at her.

Pulling out that morning was tough. No one had any heart for the journey after the previous day's events. And the sight of John and Paul Stuart having to pry Peter's mother, Amy, away from his grave so they could leave was heart wrenching.

Lou could only imagine what the poor woman was going through. Many times that day, every time she heard Amy Stuart break into tears again, Lou had to fight the urge to place a hand over her own growing child. The more real this baby became, the more attached to it she was getting. Regardless of whose it was.

"Can I walk with you today?"

Startled, Lou turned to find Emily standing nearby. With a smile, she nodded. "Sure."

"Oh, good," Emily said, relaxing with relief. "I'm getting so sick of talking about nothing but cards and guns with my Pa! Even Ike was boring as all get out, yesterday. He kept going on and on about the merits of oxen over mules for pulling wagons!"

Lou laughed out loud. Although she couldn't say it, she could certainly sympathize. She'd had those days herself, living in the bunkhouse. Lou liked Emily. She was a sweet, straightforward woman, and practical. So practical that after Lou'd started dressing Teresa in boy's pants for safety, Emily'd taken one look and gone and gotten, or made, a pair for herself. She didn't wear them all the time, but certainly on trail days. That had been enough to further scandalize some of the more conservative members of their group of travelers. But Emily had just shrugged and moved on with her life. Lou admired that in her.

Lou shook her head as she silently marveled at just how impractical the other women's dresses were. The skirts were bad enough, one light prairie breeze had them swaying and flapping in such a way as to spook even the calmest of animals. That's without counting all the petticoats that went underneath, or the over bodice that buttoned up to the neck. The dresses, all by themselves, consisted of some 12 to 15 pounds of material. Lou was surprised none of the other women had yet collapsed from heat stroke. She'd seen it happen before, back when she'd been with the Express.

Turning to Emily, she asked, "So, what do you want to talk about?"

With one thing and another, the days slid into weeks, the weeks into months. Slowly, the wagon train inched across the prairie, toward the Rocky Mountains. Lou breathed easier, the further from Rock Creek they got. When they passed the town of Sweetwater, she once again insisted on staying behind with the train, while Ike took the kids into town, again travelling with the Metcalfes.

"Lou, what's that?" Jeremiah asked, from his position behind her on Katy's back.

Lou looked where he was pointing and in the distance saw the smoke rising from the small cluster of buildings that made up Fort Bridger.

"That would be the Fort we've been on the lookout for," she smiled. "Fort Bridger."

"Have you been there before?"

"Sure have, little brother," she said. "Used to ride through it real regular. It's got a Pony Express station there, along with an Army Post and trading station."

"Bully!"

Swinging Katy back around toward the wagon train behind them, Lou said, "We'd better go tell the others the good news!"

That night, they camped just a couple miles away from the Fort, with plans to arrive mid-morning the next day. It would give the tired travelers the rest of the day and all weekend to relax and socialize before picking up their journey west again.

After Jeremiah and Teresa were tucked into their pallets in the wagon, Ike came out to find Lou sitting by the fire, industriously sewing at something.

*What's that?* he asked curiously.

"A dress," she mumbled around the thread in her mouth.

Picking up one end of the material, Ike shook it a little before teasing, *Looks a bit big for Resi.*

"Ha, ha! It's fer me and ya know it."

*What happened to that pretty pink dress you had? Or the blue one?* he asked curiously, settling down next to her.

She said nothing for a moment before muttering, "Don't fit no more."

Ike sat up straighter as he looked at her. *Does that mean it's time?*

Unhappily, she nodded, before bursting into tears. Grabbing her hand to get her attention, Ike smiled at her. *It's going to be alright,* he reassured her. *You'll see.*

Lou smiled tremulously up at him, desperate to believe his words.

"Well, I'll be, if it ain't Ike McSwain and Lou Mc-"

"Nice to see you, too, Carter," Lou rapidly interrupted the tall, bluff man who ran the trading station at Fort Bridger. "These are Jeremiah and Teresa, my brother and sister."

"So, ya finally went and picked 'em up, hunh?" he laughed. "Here, why don't you two have a piece of candy?"

The kids eagerly reached out to accept the round hard pieces of horehound candy William Carter* was holding out toward them. Before sticking them in their mouths, both looked at Ike, awaiting his silent permission to eat. Carter watched the interplay in bemusement.

"Why don't you two go outside and play?" Lou suggested, trying to avert any early release of her secret.

"Not with the Express anymore, are you?" he asked, as they watched the children bound out of the store.

"Nope," Lou shook her head. "We're headed west. Going to try our hand at farming."

"Well, I wish you the best of luck. You're gonna need it," he chuckled. "Farming's a fool's game. Why do you think I run a store?"

"'Cause you're lazy and greedy?" Lou guessed good naturedly.

"Precisely! And who are these folks?" he asked, indicating the Nolans and the Metcalfes, clustered in the door behind Ike and Lou.

"Some friends of ours from the wagon train," Lou answered.

"So, what can I do fer ya?" he asked, stepping behind the store's small counter.

Ike pulled out a list of supplies and handed it over. Carter read through it slowly, nodding.

"I think I can handle most of this," he said. "But you're goin' ta have ta talk to Spotted Horse about the moccasins and pemmican."

"That's about what we'd figured," Lou nodded. "If you can fill this order, I'll go see if I can roust out Spotted Horse."

"Sure thing," Carter said. "Me and Ike are old hands at horse tradin', aren't we son?"

Ike nodded with a grin.

*Did you get everything you wanted from Spotted Horse?* Ike asked when Lou walked back into camp with two, obviously well stocked parfleches hanging over her shoulder.

"Yep," she smiled. "And then some."

*I don't know if it's good news or not,* Ike began a bit timorously, *but it might be a good chance to break our news to the others.*

Plopping down onto her saddle, next to Ike, Lou smiled at his roundabout comment. "What might be, Ike?"

*There's goin' ta be a dance tomorrow night. Thought maybe you could go as Mrs. McSwain,* he said, almost bashfully.

Reaching out to pat his hand, Lou smiled at him. He was trying so hard. "I think you're right, Ike. It's time."

"You about ready in there, Lou?" Jeremiah called out from outside the wagon. "I think Ike's going to pace a hole in the ground if you don't hurry it up!"

Lou stuck her head out through the back of the wagon, being careful to keep the edges of the cloth top closed. "Ike, can you come on in here? I need a little help."

Ike nodded and moved quickly toward the wagon. As always when she saw one of the Express boys dressed up, Lou took a moment to admire the fine figure he cut. Turning to Jeremiah and Teresa, she said, "Why don't you two run on over to see if the Metcalfes are ready? If they are you can walk to the dance with them. We'll be along in a bit."

"Yes, ma'am," Teresa said, a twinkle in her eye. She was looking forward to the big surprise planned for tonight. In her eyes it was in the order of a grand practical joke and tonight was the punch line. Lou wasn't quite so unflappable about the whole thing. She watched as the two children scampered off to join the Metcalfes. Then stepped aside to let Ike into the wagon, being careful to keep the edges of the canvas wagon cover between her and public view.

*What do you need, Lou?* he asked as soon as she'd securely tied the cover closed behind him.

She looked up at him through her eyelashes, before turning her back bashfully to him.

"I did the best I could, but I still can't quite get this corset fastened on my own," she whispered, embarrassed, as she let go of the sleeves of the dress and the bodice fell down around her waist. When she felt nothing, she turned her head to look behind her. "Ike?"

He was standing there, staring at her, transfixed by the sight of her bare shoulders and neck.

"Ike?" she repeated. "You alright?"

Shaking his head like a flummoxed bull, he slowly raised his eyes to meet hers. Suddenly he blushed bright red.

"Oh, Ike," she laughed. "You've seen me in less than this plenty."

*That was… different,* he gestured, before stepping toward her and reaching out gingerly to grasp the laces along the back of her corset.

"Once you get it done the first time I won't need help anymore," she chattered nervously as he fumbled with the strings down the back of the undergarment. "I just need someone to do it the first time. I'm sorry if this is embarrassing you, but I couldn't ask anyone else."

"I don't think I've ever been this nervous about a dance," she continued, trying to distract herself from the feel of his fingers as they occasionally brushed against the skin of her back, sending unexpected, unwanted, damnit!, sparks flying. "Not even that first time. You remember? When Teaspoon made us all go with Amanda? Except we didn't know she was Amanda yet? Oh, man! I still remember the look on those girls' faces when Buck told them you were the only man he'd ever scalped. I thought they were going to run screaming to their Pa's to protect 'em."

A soft pat on her shoulder notified her he was done. Without turning around, Lou pulled the bodice of the dress up and shrugged into the sleeves. Buttoning up the front, she swung to face him. Holding her arms out to her sides, she twirled.

"Well?" she asked. "How do I look?"

*As beautiful as the first time I ever saw you in a dress,* Ike signed, smiling at her. *Maybe more. You're glowing.*

"That's sweat," she said repressively. "It's hot as blazes in this get-up. Lord, I thought it was bad getting dressed up as a boy. That was nothing compared to this!"

*Ready?* Ike asked, ignoring her tirade.

She stopped and stared at him, sudden fear flashing through her eyes.

*It'll be alright,* he promised, sweeping her close in a hug. Pulling back, he added, *You'll see. They'll love you. We all did.*

Heaving a huge sigh, well, really just trying to take a deep breath wearing the damned corset, Lou smiled gamely. "Well, let's get this over with."

Ike climbed down out of the wagon, then held up his hand to help her out, just like she'd seen Teaspoon and the boys do for Emma and Rachel a hundred and one times. Heck, she'd even done it more than once herself. It felt odd to be at the other end of the aide. Odd, but kind of nice, too, she reflected.

Once safely on the ground, she reached back into the wagon to grab her handbag, made of material that matched the deep burgundy dress with pink trim she was wearing. Inside she carried only a handful of Mrs. Heath's soda crackers. Just in case.

He smiled back at her, bowing deeply, sweeping his hat off his head in proper courtly tradition. Straightening, he pulled his other hand from behind his back, a gaily wrapped package held in it.

"For me?" Lou asked, astonished. "Ike, you didn't need to get me anything."

Gesturing impatiently for her to take it, Ike continued to hold the gift out to her. Walking to his side, she accepted the gift and began ripping open the wrappings to reveal a pretty pink fan, a perfect match for the trim on her dress.

Opening it up, Lou observed the beautiful lace trim.

"Oh, Ike, you shouldn't have."

He shrugged bashfully. *I saw it and I thought of you, in that pink dress at Emma's coming out party? Do you remember?*

"Do I?" she grinned up at him. "I was so embarrassed she made me do that."

*And so pretty!* Stepping back, he held out his elbow for her. *Shall we?*

Lou fluttered her new fan flirtatiously in front of her face.

"Go for a walk with you this fine evening? Why, I don't mind if I do," she smiled at him playfully as she tucked her free hand into his crooked elbow. Together they began the half mile walk to the fort and the dance.

"Hey, look, here comes Ike McSwain, and he's got a gal with him!" A deep southern twang telling them it was one of the Stuart girls.

"She's pretty," another voice answered the first. This time a deeply timbered lilt indicated one of the older O'Callahan boys.

Ike smiled as he heard this unofficial, but excited, announcement of their arrival at the big room where the dance was being held. The former barracks was empty since the Army had abandoned the fort a few months ago, when hostilities broke out back East.

Lou however froze.

"I cain't do this," she muttered. "I ain't ready."

Ike stopped to face her. Reaching out, he cupped her cheek in his hand for a brief moment before speaking. *Ready or not, you need to do this, Lou. It won't be but a matter of weeks, maybe even days, before you won't be able to hide anymore. Make the revelation your choice, not theirs. You can do it, Lou. You can do anything you put your mind to. How many times did you have to remind all of us that?*

Lou nodded her head and, taking a deep breath, said, "Alright. I'm ready."

Resuming their movement, Lou practically marching in martial precision, they entered the room.

"Hey, Ike, who's yer gal?" William Carter, the sutler, asked curiously. "She looks awful familiar."

Ike smiled proudly down at Lou, then looked out over the crowd. Placing one hand over hers, he took her hand off his elbow so he could 'speak.' At this cue, Jeremiah and Teresa pushed their way to the front of the crowd. As Ike began to sign, Jeremiah translated.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to my wife, Louise McCloud McSwain."

"That's our sister," Teresa piped up into the shocked silence. "We're really McClouds. But, she married Ike and that made her a McSwain. So, we're McSwains now, too!"

^Deuteronomy 25:5-6, King James Version

**Chapter 8**

"Well if that don't take the rag off the bush," Carter marveled, with a growing smile. "I must admit I've been hornswaggled but good!"

Carter's colorful comments seemed to awaken the frozen crowd of shocked pioneers. Everyone began to speak at once.

"Louise? Is that our Lou he's talking about?"

"Is he really a girl?"

"Why'd he pretend to be a boy?"

"Why'd he own up to the truth now?"

"What else hasn't he told us?"

"Now folks," Preacher Heath moved to the front of the room to stand next to Ike and Lou, holding his hands out for quiet. "I'm sure if you give them a moment to breath, this fine young couple would be happy to answer your questions."

Ike nodded, Lou simply scooted a little closer to his side and he reached out to wrap one arm comfortingly around her waist. The preacher smiled at them kindly. "I'd like to start off by asking, did you really both ride for the Express?"

"I can answer that one," Carter said with a bellowing laugh. "Lou… ah… Louise…. here rode through quite regular for the Express. Ike was through occasionally, too. But it was Lou what always put the fear of the Almighty in me. Somehow he… uh…. she always managed to walk out of my store with exactly what she wanted at a price that should have beggared me. And that's the Simon pure truth!"

The crowd tittered at Carter's words, giving Lou the courage to begin answering questions.

"Yes, I'm really a girl. Always have been. I pretended to be a boy so I could get a decent paying job that didn't end up with me in a brothel," she paused a moment to cover a shiver of memory. "As for why we decided to tell everyone… well…."

She stuttered to a stop, unsure how to continue. Looking to Ike, she silently begged for help.

"But she's expecting a baby and won't be able to pretend no more," Jeremiah piped up for her.

Lou's mouth fell open in pure shock this time. "How.. how'd you know that?"

"What? You didn't think we'd put it together?" Jeremiah asked. "We aint' deaf, dumb and blind, ya know."

Once again, everyone laughed. The repeated laughter relaxed the group and soon they were breaking up into smaller clusters, getting their questions answered a few at a time. No one noticed a teary eyed Emily Metcalfe sneaking out the back door.

*Shall we dance?* Ike asked an hour later, holding out his hand invitingly to Lou.

"Yes, please," she smiled. As he swept her into his arms and out into the swirling crowd of people dancing vigorously to the upbeat music provided by Mr. O'Callahan and his two eldest sons, Lou continued, "That went better than I feared."

Ike shot an "I told you so" grin her direction as he swung her in a dizzying twirl. Lou laughed at his antics. "But good Lord, the questions! I'm exhausted. I don't think I've ever talked so much in my life. Give me a double run anyday over another night like this!"

"Damned buttons!" Lou grumped as she struggled to fasten her britches. She was in a hurry to hit the trail that morning, before Henderson had a chance to tell her she couldn't do her job anymore. But her steadily expanding belly was getting in the way, already.

"Here, Lou," Teresa said, holding out a string to her, "use this."

Lou let go of her waistband to reach out and accept the offered string. Holding it up in front of her face, she asked, "What am I supposed to do with this, Resi?"

Teresa giggled, happy she knew something, for once, that her idolized big sister didn't. Taking the string back, she tied it into a circle as she spoke. "You loop one end around the button, pass the whole thing through the buttonhole, then loop it back over the button again. It'll let you keep wearing your trousers for another month or two."

Looking at her little sister skeptically, Lou followed the directions.

"It works," she marveled. "How'd you know about that?"

Teresa shrugged. "It's a trick the nuns taught us when we'd outgrow our clothes and couldn't get new ones yet."

Hugging Teresa to her quickly, Lou said, "Thank you, honey bear."

Then, grabbing a handful of the ever ready soda crackers, Ike had bought several more boxes for her from Carter, she hopped out of the wagon and headed to where they had the horses tethered. Moments later, she was flying down the trail.

"Ike, what are you doing here? Why aren't you out riding the trail?" Henderson asked as he saw Ike urging their oxen out onto the road west.

*It's Lou's day to ride point,* Ike gestured.

"What?" Henderson reached up to scratch his head in confusion. "Jest a sec. Jeremiah!" he shouted. "Get over here and translate for me."

"Yes, sir," Jeremiah called back, running over from the O'Callahan wagon two spaces ahead of the McSwains.

"Now, what did you say, Ike?"

Jeremiah watched Ike a moment then said, "Lou's out riding point today. It's her turn."

"Hold on a minute, I ain't gonna have no woman scouting and hunting for me," Henderson began to sputter. "'Specially not one in a delicate condition!"

Jeremiah didn't wait for Ike to respond. "Uh, have you met my sister, Mr. Henderson? You try stopping her from doing something she's set her mind on. Ain't never worked for none of us!"

Ike laughed and ruffled the boy's hair. He'd taken the words right out of his hands.

Henderson hmphed grumpily, glared at Ike a moment, then swung his horse around and trotted off.

When Lou rode in around noon to report on the campsite she'd found for that evening, Henderson listened to her report, then waved her off.

"Go talk ta yer husband," he grumped.

With dread in her heart, she headed toward her wagon, sliding off Sundancer before he came to a complete halt and tying the reins to the tailgate. Accepting the sandwich Teresa held out to her, she settled onto an upturned log next to Jeremiah. After chewing and swallowing her first bite, she finally looked across the campsite at Ike.

"What's with Henderson?"

"He wanted ya to quit workin'," Jeremiah piped up.

"But Ike told him it was up to you," Teresa said.

Lou smiled gratefully at Ike. "Thanks."

*He said he'd leave it up to us as a family. Figured you'd been doing the job just fine so far. But, he's not comfortable with you keeping it up too much longer, under the circumstances.*

"That ain't fer him to decide," Lou started to bluster.

"That's what Ike said," Jeremiah assured her.

*But, you should start thinking about when you're going to stop working so hard,* Ike continued, undeterred. Crossing to her side, he added, *After all, we want to take good care of this baby.*

He reached out a hand to pat her stomach familiarly.

"Keep yer hands to yerself," she squealed, batting his hands away and laughing. "As I recall, that's the kind of thing that got me into this fix!"

Ike just smiled at her, wistfully.

"Louise, you going to join us this evening?"

Lou started at hearing her full name called out. Turning around, she paused to let a slightly breathless, pregnant to the point of bursting, Mrs. Heath catch up with her. "Join you? Fer what?"

"Why, the weekly Ladies Meeting," Mrs. Heath said.

"Why?"

"Because you're a lady, young woman. And, because you might enjoy it."

"I ain't much fer talkin' 'bout the latest quiltin' patterns an' gossipin' 'bout who done what recently," Lou said. "Somehow I don't think y'all'd be too interested in discussin' the latest developments in pistols or how to track a deer."

"Oh, come on, give it a try. I think you'll enjoy it. We just talk about whatever's on our minds. You might be surprised at some of the topics that come up," Mrs. Heath smiled.

Shrugging her shoulders, Lou assented, "I'll think about it. One meetin' ain't gonna kill me."

The preacher's wife reached out and patted Lou on the back. "That's the spirit my girl. The meeting will be at my camp this week. Come on over after supper."

Lou nodded as she watched the other woman walk, waddle rather, back toward her wagon.

"What's she doing here?" Mrs. Grayson muttered under her breath as she saw Lou approach the Heaths' camp.

"She's coming to the Ladies Meeting," Mrs. Heath said calmly. "I invited her."

"Why? She isn't a lady. She's barely a female," Prudence sneered.

"That's no way to talk about one of God's children," Mrs. Heath gently reproved the girl. "She may have lived an unconventional life, but she's a woman in the middle of the wilderness, just like the rest of us. And," placing a hand on top of her rounded belly to emphasize her point, she added, "she's in a condition where she'll soon need our help. It's our Christian duty to offer it. She's certainly not stinted on helping any of us when we needed it, now has she?"

Even the Graysons couldn't deny that. Mrs. Heath pushed herself laboriously to her feet to walk the few steps over and welcome Lou, with hands outstretched.

"Come on over and have a seat, child," she said, pulling Lou into the circle of light cast by the campfire. "You know everyone here, so relax. You're among friends," she added with a pointed look at the Graysons and a couple of the Stuart women who'd expressed reservations as well.

"Come sit with us," Amy Nolan invited, patting the ground between her and Emily. Lou walked over and lowered herself gracefully to a seat. She rubbed her hands down her pants legs nervously, noticing even Emily had put on a dress for the meeting. Lou hadn't had time to change after a day in the saddle and could feel the accumulated grime announcing her differences from the other women like a flag held high. She hunched in on herself when Emily made a point to scoot a few inches further away from Lou, refusing to look her direction. Lou sighed forlornly. She shouldn't have come.

"How are you feeling?" Amy asked.

"Yes, have you noticed any improvement in the morning sickness?" Mrs. Heath queried.

Lou looked up, surprised. "How'd you know 'bout that?"

Mrs. Heath laughed. "After your big announcement? It wasn't too hard to guess. Ike had already told me you were feeling poorly when he asked if I had any soda crackers. I hope they helped."

"Yes, ma'am. I can't tell you how grateful I am," Lou smiled, relaxing a bit.

"All I can say is I don't know how you two do it," Clara Stuart piped up. "I won't let my John touch me as long as we're on the trail. No way I want to get caught while traveling across country like this!"

"You know, there are ways to enjoy marital relations without worrying about babies," Amy said quietly.

"What?!" Mrs. Grayson gasped. "Interfere with God's plan for you? Why, that's sacrilege!"

"And refraining from marital relations isn't?" Mrs. Heath responded. "I do believe Paul counsels in 1st Corinthians 7:5, "Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

"So, what's this method you got of avoiding babies," Kathleen O'Callahan asked curiously. "Does it work better than the rhythm method?"

"One would hope," Lou muttered, placing a hand over her belly. That's what she'd been attempting to use and look how things turned out.

"Oh, yes. Much," Amy smiled. "It's called a 'male shield'. It's-"

"Shut your mouth, young woman!" Mrs. Grayson snapped. "I will not have you corrupting my innocent young daughters with this indecent talk."

"Oh, please," Beth Stuart rolled her eyes. "I've heard worse out of their mouths on a Sunday morning!"

Tuning out the growing argument, Lou began to restlessly look around the group. Thus, she was the only one who noticed Mrs. Heath's uncomfortable shifting. When the other woman suddenly blanched and let out a deep groan, Lou was the first to her side.

"Are you alright?" she asked, worried about this woman who'd gone out of her way to be nice to her.

"I… I think my time's come," Mrs. Heath smiled wanly.

"Your time?"

"Her baby's coming, you foolish child," Mrs. Grayson snapped. "Girls, go home. This is no sight for young, unmarried ladies. You shouldn't have even heard what we were talking about earlier."

"I'll let Mr. Henderson know," Emily volunteered. "We won't be able to pull out tomorrow."

"Do you have a tent?" Kathleen asked, concerned.

"Yes," Mrs. Heath gasped, panting a little. "Mr. Heath has it stored in the wagon somewhere."

"I'll go find it," Lou offered, immediately turning to crawl into the wagon and start searching. At least finding and setting up a tent was something she had some know how in.

Once the tent was up, Lou found herself pressed into service boiling water and warming blankets. The other married ladies kept her busy but wouldn't let her run off.

"You need to have some knowledge of what to expect, my dear," Kathleen O'Callahan smiled at her. "I know this is a sort of trial by fire, but better that than nothing."

Lou wasn't so sure of that. She thought she'd rather have remained ignorant. Childbirth appeared to be a painful, noisy, messy thing. And she wasn't so sure she wanted any part of it. That was, until the new baby was actually born.

She stood, transfixed, watching as the wet, bloodied infant was pulled squirming from its mother's body. Mrs. Grayson held it up by the rear legs, smacking its bottom until it squealed. Then the newborn was placed gently in the warm towel Lou held in her arms, while the other women swarmed around Mrs. Heath, cleaning her up.

Lou just stood there, staring down at the baby boy, unable to believe this child had just come out of another human being.

"Well, wipe it off, hurry," Amy Nolan smiled at Lou. "We need to get that boy to his mother so she can feed him."

Lou walked back to her camp, slowly, in the pre-dawn hours. She was exhausted and elated at the same time. Stopping next to their wagon, she placed a hand over her belly. For the first time, this child felt completely real to her. Not a burden, or a problem to be solved, but a human being to be loved. Finally, she could understand, at least a little, Ike's anticipation and excitement over it.

"Ooh!" she gasped in shock, as she felt an odd roiling and rumbling in her belly. Looking down, she waited a moment. It happened again. "Is that you, little one? Are you eager to come out and play? Well, yer gonna have ta wait a bit longer. Yer momma's got a lot to learn before you get here. But she's learnin' just as fast as she can!"

So caught up was she in the moment, in her wonder over her new understanding of what was happening to her body, she didn't hear Ike rollover on his pallet under the wagon. She didn't see the light reflecting off his opened eyes as he watched her, protectively, lovingly. He was glad she was coming to terms with this pregnancy. Maybe now, they'd be able to move forward and work on something else.

**Chapter 9**

"Ike, have you seen Teresa?" Lou asked. She'd slept half the morning away, after being up all night helping deliver Mrs. Heath's baby. Now, feeling bleary eyed and fuzzy headed from the odd sleep schedule, she just wanted to know what she'd missed.

Ike shrugged and looked over to Jeremiah, who was playing a game of checkers with his friend, Liam O'Callahan.

Without looking up from the gameboard, Jeremiah said, "She went over to the Metcalfes'. Miss Emily's teaching her how to bake zucchini bread, or some such, in the dutch oven."

Lou nodded.

*I'll go check on her,* Ike said, setting aside the harness he'd been repairing. *You get something to eat,* he added with a pointed look at Lou and then toward their camp kitchen.

Lou snapped out a jaunty salute. "Yes, Sir, husband, Sir!"

Ike shook his head, laughing at her antics as he walked away. Crossing the circle of wagons to the Metcalfe camp, he could already hear Teresa's voice. She was standing next to Emily, chattering away, while Emily was removing the freshly baked zucchini bread from the dutch oven and setting it on a camp table to cool.

Ike knocked gently on the end of the wagon's side to announce his presence.

"Ike!" Teresa called happily. "Come over and see! We made zucchini bread. I helped."

Ike walked over and obligingly inspected the still warm baked goods. He nodded approvingly.

*Good job.* Turning to Emily, who'd moved back over by the fire at his approach, he added, *Thank you for helping her.*

Emily shrugged, refusing to meet his eyes. Ike frowned. Emily Metcalfe likes you. Lou's words floated through his mind.

"I'm teaching her how to sign, so she can talk to you, in exchange for the cooking lessons," Teresa said, proudly. "She says I'm a good teacher."

Ike nodded, keeping his eyes on Emily, who'd now turned her back on him, blushing bright red. *Resi, your sister's up now. Why don't you go tell her about your bread? I'm sure she'd like to hear all about it.*

He waited until Teresa was well out of earshot, before reaching out to touch Emily's shoulder. When she pulled roughly away to move toward the off side of her wagon, away from the sight of everyone else in camp, Ike knew there was definitely a problem. He followed her. Finally, she turned to face him.

"*What do you want?*" she asked, almost angrily, signing carefully along with her words.

*I'm sorry,* he signed. *I never meant to lead you on. I thought we were friends. That's all.*

"*Friends? What kinds of friends are you used to having?*" She started to rail at him with both her hands and her voice. Then she growled in frustration when she couldn't sign fast enough to keep up with her complaints and threw her hands in the air. "Friends don't spend hours taking long walks together, talking about anything and nothing! Friends don't help you when your dad gets drunk or in trouble playing cards! Friends don't lie to you about who they are!"

*The truth wasn't mine to share,* Ike began. *As for the rest, that's precisely what friends do. They're always there for each other, to help out. That's one thing Emma, Rachel and Teaspoon taught us.*

"Do you love her?" Emily asked after a long moment. "She said something about it you getting married so you could get Jeremiah and Teresa out of an orphanage."

There was still a note of hope in her voice. Ike sighed, knowing he was going to have to quash it.

*I love her more than life itself,* he said. *I just have to convince her she can love me. I'm sorry,* he added. *I never meant to hurt you. But I'm married, and happy to be so.*

Unable to stand the pain twisting her features, he tried to soften the blow.

*If I weren't already in love with Lou. If Kid were still alive, even if Jimmy hadn't been killed, and I knew I had no chance with her, it might be different. Under normal circumstances I'm the last man Lou would have turned to. And you're a lovely, sweet girl, Emily. It would be easy to fall in love with you. But, I'm already spoken for.*

At that, she burst into tears. Feeling bad, Ike stepped toward her, reaching out to pull her into his embrace, resting her head against his shoulder. He sighed as he patted her back to comfort her. Why did life always have to be so difficult? There were times after Annie left that he would have killed to have a girl like Emily interested in him. Now? Now, he was just sorry for the pain he'd caused.

"Why? Why couldn't you have met me first?" she whispered through her tears.

Nearing the Metcalfe camp, Lou listened to Teresa's happy description of her morning with only half an ear. She carefully inspected the bread and smiled her approval.

The sudden sound of harshly flung words in a half whisper brought her up short. Turning to Teresa, she said, "I think you'd better head back over to our camp."

Teresa looked from Lou to the wagon from which the sounds were coming. With a nod, she turned and, once again, raced away. Lou stepped toward the side of the wagon and peeked her head around, just in time to see Ike drawing Emily into his arms, resting his cheek against her head.

Lou pulled back and quickly walked away, not wanting to interrupt the tender moment. She was glad Ike was getting closer to Emily. He deserved to have someone who loved him for him, she told herself. She had no reason for this sudden sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Lou sighed with exhaustion as she urged the oxen out onto the trail the next morning. She still hadn't had time to recover from staying up all night helping Mrs. Heath deliver her baby. But, needs must when the devil drives. In this case, the devil being the rapidly advancing summer. The train desperately needed to make its way across the Rockies before winter hit. Nobody wanted a repeat of the legendary Donner Party.

Today, they would cross the Sweetwater River. Again. This would be their ninth fording of the river which twisted and turned its way through this part of Wyoming Territory. The river's cold waters would be a welcome change from the sweltering summer heat, Lou thought with a grimace. And, this crossing, at Burnt Ranch*, was their last before they crossed the Continental Divide and officially entered Oregon Territory.

"Wagons Halt," the order came filtering down the line and Lou kept a cautious eye on the Nolans' wagon in front of her. When it began to slow, she called out to her own team, "Whoa, there, whoa I say!"

Even as the prairie schooner slid to a slow, lumbering halt, the wagon master came trotting up on his horse. "We'll be stopping here for lunch. Burnt Ranch is just around that bend. After lunch, we'll line up to ford the Sweetwater."

"Yes, sir," Lou nodded. "We'll be ready."

Although the McSwains' job during river crossings was officially to make sure the other families were able to safely ford the river, by now they were rarely needed. In the last few months, the pioneers had gone from horribly green tenderfeet to well seasoned westerners. They could do their own hunting, even the women and older children. Most had, by now, jettisoned all the excess baggage they'd insisted on dragging along at the beginning of the trip. And they could cross a raging river in their sleep without losing a single bag of beans. She and Ike really weren't needed anymore.

Moving to the back of their wagon, Lou pulled out the camp bread, cold beans and dried bacon that would make up their lunch.

"What's for lunch, Lou?" Jeremiah asked as he came bounding up.

"Well, you have two choices," she smiled at him. "Cold beans and bacon or bacon and cold beans."

Jeremiah laughed, accepting the plate from her and sitting down to eat. Lou looked around when Teresa didn't immediately show up. While eating the same foods day in and day out could be…. boring, to say the least, they were all always hungry and eager for the next meal. Spotting Resi's braids disappearing around the back of the Heath wagon, two places ahead, Lou walked over to see what was going on.

Teresa was seated on a camp stool, the Heaths' baby boy cradled in her arms, while Mrs. Heath bustled around the wagon getting together their lunch.

"Everything alright?" Lou asked.

"No," Mrs. Heath snapped shortly.

"Anything I can do to help?"

"Only if you can figure out a way to either stop time or get us over the mountains faster," the harried new mother muttered. "Here!"

She practically threw the plate of beans, bacon and bread at her husband, who shrugged apologetically at Lou before digging in.

"What's the matter?"

Mrs. Heath sighed, trying to regain her composure, her shoulders slumping in dejection. "Oh, I didn't get any sleep last night. The baby kept me up, demanding to eat every 20 minutes or so. I'm just sooo tired. I'd give my best Sunday dress for a full night's sleep!"

"Why don't you take a nap over the lunch hour?" Lou suggested. "Resi and I can watch the baby for you. And you can get more rest while waiting for everyone else to cross the river this afternoon."

"Would you? Oh, thank you!" Mrs. Heath said, already climbing into her wagon. Turning around, she handed out a pile of clothes to Lou. "Here're some nappies, in case you need to change him or he spits up. If he gets hungry-"

"We'll feed him a little cow's milk," Lou smiled. "It won't hurt him and you need your rest."

"Alright. Thanks again."

With that, she pulled the curtains at the end of the wagon emphatically closed. Lou could hear a moment or two more of rustling inside, then all was silent.

"You're doing God's work," Preacher Heath said from behind her. "Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

"Don't know 'bout that," Lou said, turning around to face him. "I'm hardly the handmaiden of Christ here. I'm just doin' the neighborly thing."

"And that's God's work," he smiled at her. "Believe it or not, He can use anyone he chooses. And rarely does he choose the perfect person. In fact, I believe he only did that once in all of history."

Lou laughed with the kindly man who'd changed her mind about preachers in general.

"Seriously, though, I can't thank you enough. She wouldn't listen to me. I offered to watch over little Joey, but.."

He let the sentiment trail off and Lou nodded. Although she was just now beginning to show in her own pregnancy, already she could understand the new mother's intense possessiveness of her son.

"Alright, Ladies and Gents, you know how this is done. One wagon in the water at a time. Take it nice and steady all the way across. DO NOT, under any circumstances, allow your animals to slow down until you are out of the water on the other side. Once out of the water, get clear of the exit as quickly as possible. McSwain will show you where to set up camp. The next wagon doesn't enter the water until his missus says its time. Any questions?"

No one had any. By now, the instructions were old hat to the weary travelers. All were ready to simply get the crossing over and call it a night.

Soon the first wagon, the Graysons', was entering the water. Lou stood knee deep in the frigid river water, watching as they moved quickly across, waiting for the signal from Ike that they were clear of the exit. When his piercing whistle drifted across the water, she turned to Emily Metcalfe and nodded. Emily waved to her father, seated, for a change, on the wagon's seat, and he started their mules off.

It took about 20 minutes for each wagon to safely ford the rapidly rushing, three foot deep waters of the river. A couple hours later, the O'Callahans were ready to go. At Lou's signal, Shaun O'Callahan, the eldest son, urged their oxen into motion. The rest of the family was going to wade across. Bryan, the patriarch, was helping his wife Kathleen across, with the others strung out behind him.

Suddenly, Kathleen slipped and started to fall. Bryan tried to catch her but got caught in her skirts and went down too. Shaun, seeing what was happening, started to slow their oxen in an effort to help.

"Don't you dare slow down, Shaun O'Callahan," Lou shouted at the top of her lungs, snapping her own bullwhip expertly across the backs of the lumbering oxen to keep them moving.

Ignoring the distressed shouts of the other O'Callahan boys and the screams of fear from the shore, Lou waved to Jeremiah to send Katy out to her. Grabbing onto the saddle horn, she swung herself up onto the mare's back one armed, already reaching with her other hand for the lariat hanging from the saddle.

She didn't need to look to know Ike was doing his job of making sure Shaun got all the way across and safely out of the water, before joining her and Henderson in the rescue effort. Urging Katy into motion, Lou galloped downriver toward the rapidly disappearing bodies of the O'Callahans. Once in sight of them, she raised the lariat over her head and began twirling it for all she was worth. Sighting her target, Kathleen, she let the rope fly, settling it over the woman's upper torso, clamping her arms to her side, and, with a slight push of her heels urged Katy to begin backing up to pull the rope tight.

"Hold on," she ordered. Even as she began to drag the bedraggled, half drowned woman to shore, the wagon master went flying past her on his horse after the other victim. Heading for the far side of the river, Lou could feel the rope pulling tight as Kathleen continued to struggle and scream. "Stop fighting it," she yelled to her. "I'll have you out of there in a minute."

Once on shore, Lou leaped off Katy's back and ran to free Kathleen from the rope. Still not really aware of her improved situation, Kathleen's arms went flying with extreme force, hitting Lou in the face and sending her soaring backwards into the frigid waters.

Lou gasped in shock as the ice cold liquid closed in over her head. Fighting her way to the surface, she found the current had already carried her several feet further downriver. And no one knew where she was. Struggling to force her lungs, partially paralyzed by her sudden immersion, to inhale oxygen, Lou fought to keep her head above water. Finally, she was able to get her legs back underneath her and begin to make slow progress, half walking, half swimming, toward the river's edge. When she crawled out of the water, she collapsed on the river bank, gasping for breath and shivering.

That's how Ike found her when he rode up on Lightning. Leaping off the horse, he slid to his knees next to her, clasping her to his chest and rubbing her arms briskly to warm her.

"I'm alright," she gasped. "I'm alright."

Lou sat staring into the leaping, dancing flames of their fire, going over and over those frantic few minutes in the river. Though she'd never once stopped fighting, there had been a second, or two, where she'd thought she might not make it out of the water.

Ike, seeing her shiver, moved closer to her, in a silent offer of comfort and warmth. Lou smiled at him gratefully.

"You know," she said, "I've never been so glad of those swimming lessons Emma forced on us after Jimmy almost drowned as I am today."

*Wish I could've seen Jimmy's face after he realized Emma'd rescued him!*

Lou laughed. "Yep. That sure would've been worth the trip to Fort Reunion all by itself!"

Sobering, she realized she'd just spoken of Jimmy without thinking, without pain, without tears, for the first time in months. Turning, she looked at Ike in surprise. He nodded and smiled at her, reaching out to cover her hand. Turning hers palm up, she slid her fingers between his in response.

"Please, kin ye come look at me wife? She's doin' poorly," Brian O'Callahan said timidly, standing at the edge of the circle of light cast by their fire.

"What's wrong?" Lou asked, concerned.

"I dunno, she's after throwing up her entire innards, and I'm thinkin' there's summat else what she isna tellin' me," he said, fiddling nervously with the brim of his hat.

"We'll be right there," Lou smiled at him. Ike was the closest thing they had to a doctor on the train. Although she was pretty sure she knew what was going on.

Moments later, they ducked into the tent the O'Callahan boys had set up for their parents that night.

"How are you feelin', Kathleen?" Lou asked familiarly, Ike standing just behind her.

The woman, pale and sweaty, moaned as she rolled over to wretch into a bucket. After several moments, she fell back onto her cot with a thud. Lou knelt beside her to pick up a rag and wipe her face off. That's when Kathleen noticed Ike standing there.

"No," she moaned. "Make 'im leave. 'Tis no place fer a mon, here tonight."

Lou looked at her, a frown creasing her brow, before turning back to Ike. "Why don't you go see if you can calm down her husband," she suggested. "While I try to figure out what's going on?"

Ike nodded and ducked back out of the tent.

"There," Lou said quietly, dipping the rag in clean water and once again wiping it across the distressed woman's brow. "Now, you want to tell me where it hurts?"

"I'm after losin' me babe," she mumbled. "T'ain't the first time, so's I know what's happenin'. Ain't nothin' the menfolk can do 'bout it."

"Alright," Lou said, sighing. "Let's see what we can do to make you comfortable."

"I didn't even know she was expecting," Lou said the next morning over breakfast. "And there I am helping her through losing the babe." She shivered. "That could have been me."

*But it wasn't,* Ike reassured her.

"Not this time." She paused, then looking up at Ike, she said, "I think it's time."

*Time?*

"Time for me to back off a bit, stop working, take it a little easier."

*Good,* Ike smiled at her. *I was beginning to worry a bit too much about you.*

"Alright, Kid!" she laughed, pushing at Ike with her elbow. Ike smiled, glad she could tease him like this about her lost love. He wondered if she even realized what she'd done. "Thing is," she continued more soberly, "I ain't sure I want to keep going."

*What do you mean?*

"I like it here. This is pretty country. Good soil. Lots of game." Turning to Ike she said, "We could have us a real nice place right around here, somewheres. We don't have to go all the way to Oregon."

Ike felt a large grin begin to blossom across his face. He liked the sound of the way she'd unconsciously used the term 'we'. Nodding, he said, *I'll start looking around while scouting.*

*The name Burnt Ranch didn't come into usage until the late 1860s, after the Sioux had burned down the facilities, twice. Before that it was referred to simply as The Last Crossing or The Upper Sweetwater Crossing. I used Burnt Ranch simply for recognition's sake.

**Chapter 10**

*Lou, what do you think about going on a picnic?* Ike signed tentatively. This was important to him.

"A picnic?"

*Yeah, you know, food? In a basket? You go somewhere outdoors and eat it, together with friends and family?* Ike smiled at her. *I want to show you something.*

"Alright, I guess we could all use a break," Lou said, rubbing her aching back. At six months pregnant, she was really starting to show. Although she hadn't given up wearing her pants, thanks to Teresa's little string fastener, she had taken to wearing Ike's shirts, instead of her own. They hung down nicely over her burgeoning belly.

*I'll go get Jeremiah and Teresa,* Ike signed, already turning around to look for the children.

"But…" Lou let the protest die unspoken. Muttering to herself, she said, "Get pregnant and slow down and suddenly you're stuck with all the kitchen duties. Men!"

When Ike returned with the children and all four horses, saddled and ready to go, Lou was sitting on the open tailgate of the wagon, a packed picnic basket next to her, swinging her legs back and forth. Seeing the others, she started to hop down, then paused as her belly got in the way.

*Let me help you,* Ike said, dismounting and moving quickly to her side, holding up a hand to her.

Lou grimaced as she accepted his hand and crawled down off the wagon. "I don't know how Mrs. Heath managed all those months on the trail like this!"

*You'll figure it out,* Ike signed, before helping her up onto Lightning's back, something else that grated on her nerves.

"Alright, I'm ready to go," she said, sighing a bit in pleasure as she settled back into the familiar feel of the saddle. She hadn't ridden in a week, but it felt like much longer than that to her.

Ike remounted his horse and began to lead his growing family away from the wagon train camp. They rode for about half an hour through a small pass between two tall mountain peaks. Lou passed the time admiring the scenery, the craggy rocks covered with deep green moss, trees clinging precariously to the side of the steep slopes, a creek rushing down the middle of the pass, burbling cheerfully as it went. This was what they meant by food for the soul, she thought, feeling a tightness she hadn't even known was constricting her chest slowly release, inch by inch, with every hoofbeat.

Suddenly, Lou realized Ike had come to a stop at the edge of a clearing. Riding up beside him, she looked at him questioningly. He raised his arm to indicate the valley before them and asked, *What do you think?*

Turning, she took a long, hard look. The valley had a reasonably flat floor, with a creek running down the middle of it. The valley floor was carpeted with large wildflowers in every color of the rainbow. The sun sparkled off the snowcapped peaks of the mountaintops that towered above them. Tall trees surrounded the edges of the valley, providing cooling shade from the hot summer sun.

"It's… beautiful, Ike," she breathed. Smiling at him, she asked, "How'd you find it?"

*I was tracking a bull elk a couple of days ago, and it led me straight here.*

"You haven't brought back any elk meat this week."

Ike shrugged. *Couldn't kill it, after it led me here.*

Lou laughed.

*So? Do you think it'll do?* he asked, unable to wait any longer.

"For a picnic?" Lou teased. "It's perfect."

Laughing, she spurred Lightning into motion, and the chase was on. Soon, they were racing each other around the hidden mountain valley, the bright laughter of all four of them echoing off the mountains rising around them as they played a sort of mounted tag with the children. Lou finally slowed Lightning to a stop near a small copse of trees at the far end of the valley, not too far from a waterfall that was the source of the creek's water.

Dismounting, carefully, she sucked in a deep breath of the crisp, fresh air and smiled. Leaning down, she dug her hand deep into the ground, pulling out a handful of dark, rich earth. Letting the dirt trickle through her fingers, she turned to Ike as he approached her, leading his own horse.

"Yes, it'll do. It'll more than do. It's perfect Ike! We're home."

Ike grinned happily, walking up to her and wrapping his arms around her disappearing waist, to lift her up and spin her around and around until they were both dizzy and, once again, laughing for all they were worth. Jeremiah and Teresa added their own dance of happiness nearby.

"There're plenty of good tall trees for the house," Lou was saying, speaking animatedly as they rode back to the wagon train that evening. "We'll need to start cutting them down quickly. It'll take at least 15 to 20 good sized logs if we're going to have a decent cabin before winter."

"Teresa and I can start the vegetable garden," Jeremiah offered. "We spent plenty of time helping with the orphanage garden back in St. Joe."

*That's good,* Ike teased. *Because I'm not sure your sister knows the leaves from the roots!*

"You better watch it, Ike McSwain! Or I just might get the willowbark mixed up with the cascara bark," she threatened. "Don't blame me if you suddenly get the runs!"

Ike cowered in mock fear. *Please, no! Not that! Anything but that!*

"I'm going to shoot that uppity, no good, lazy nigra! How dare he think he can get away with messing with my girls?!"

The sudden fierce threats being bellowed from the wagon train camp put a stop to their play. Ike and Lou looked at it each other in sudden worry and fear, before urging their horses to a full gallop. Thundering into camp, they pulled the animals to a stop amidst protesting whinnies and stomping hooves.

The fragile peace of the wagon train had obviously been disrupted during their absence, and the train had degenerated into two camps, now ranged against each other, and all shouting at the top of their lungs.

"You've got a mighty high opinion of yourself, mister," Amy Nolan was screeching. "My husband wouldn't touch one of your prissy daughters with a ten foot pole. He's got better taste than that!"

"Couldn't prove it by me!" Mrs. Grayson sniffed vituperatively. "He's already proven he's got a taste for white women, stead of sticking with his own kind like he ought!"

"What's going on here?" Lou asked. When her words were lost in the ongoing fight, she pulled her gun and fired it once into the air. All heads swiveled in her direction as the sound brought instant silence. "That's better," she said. "Now, what's going on?"

Everyone started yelling and shouting at once, pointing to various other members of the train on the other side of the argument. Lou sighed, shared a look with Ike, then fired once more into the air.

"One at a time! Mrs. Grayson, you seem to have the loudest complaints, why don't you start?"

"That, that.. nigra… attacked my daughter. He violated her… and now she's expecting."

Lou raised a disbelieving eyebrow at this claim. So far as she knew, the Nolans, all of them, had kept as much distance as possible between them and the Graysons for the entire journey. Looking around the angry faces, she pointed to Amy Nolan, standing protectively in front of her husband.

"And what do you have to say?"

"It's impossible. He wasn't anywhere near her! He never had the opportunity, let alone the desire," Amy gritted out, obviously struggling to hold her temper in check.

"Anyone else have something to add?" Lou asked, leaning forward to rest her arm on her saddle horn. Tipping her hat back with her other hand, she swept the entire crowd with a glare. "No innuendos, only facts!"

No one said anything. Blessing all the times she and Ike had helped Sam and, later, Teaspoon in the Marshal's office, Lou asked, "When is this attack supposed to have happened? Just how far along is she?"

When several people opened their mouths to speak, Lou held up her hand and glared. "I'm speaking to the 'victim'," she growled. "She can answer for herself!"

Mrs. Grayson, Constance and Charity pushed Prudence to the front, forming a line behind her.

"Well, uh… I guess it was about a month or so ago," Prudence stammered.

"You guess? I thought you were violated? I'd think that'd be a date that would stick with you," Lou said.

Prudence looked around for help, but Lou's glare and Ike's cocked gun held easily in his hand kept everyone else silence. Realizing she was on her own, she finally said, "It was three and a half weeks ago. Yeah. When we stopped at Soda Springs for the night."

Lou sat back in her saddle, relieved. "Well, then, if you were violated, it certainly wasn't by Mr. Nolan."

"What?!" screeched Mrs. Grayson. "Why, how dare you!"

"I dare, Mrs. Grayson, because I was out hunting that night with Tim, Ike and Bryan O'Callahan. There was no possibility any of them could be responsible for your daughter's condition."

At that announcement, several people began to shuffle off, realizing they'd been mistaken in their assumption and suddenly ashamed of their behavior.

"Now, does anyone else have anything to add?"

When no one spoke, Lou nodded. Turning to Mr. and Mrs. Grayson, she said, "I'd suggest you take your daughter back to your camp and have a long heart to heart with her. I do believe there's something she's not telling you, and I believe it might involve a certain young man in the Stuart household. Meanwhile, leave the Nolans' alone!"

The next morning, Lou watched with detachment as the rest of camp packed up and prepared to depart. She'd be glad to be rid of much of the strife between the various members of the wagon train, though she would miss some of the friends they'd made.

She turned at the sound of a clearing throat.

"Ma'am?"

"Mr. Nolan, how are you?" Lou asked.

"Just fine, ma'am," he said, smiling at her. "Thanks to you."

"What can I do for you?"

"Well, see, the Missus and I, we were wondering, is it true?"

*Is what true?* Ike asked, returning to the camp from feeding their stock with Jeremiah.

"Is it true you are leaving the train? Not moving on with us?"

"Yes, it is," Lou smiled. "We've found a good spot to settle not too far from here. We're staying. We never really planned on going all the way to Oregon, anyway."

Amy Nolan stepped up to stand proudly beside her husband. "Would it be possible for us to stay with you?"

Ike quirked a surprised eyebrow. This he hadn't expected. Lou looked at him in question. He shrugged his shoulders. He didn't mind. The Nolans were good people in his book.

Turning back to the Nolans, she eyed the couple. They were a study in contrasts. He was tall, darker than Noah, with tightly curled black hair. She was short, with brassy red curls and pale white skin. Her small hand rested on his arm, clenching tightly as they nervously awaited Lou and Ike's response.

"It won't be easy," Lou finally said. "Nothing like living in the city. There are no houses on site to move into. You're going to have to build your own. We'll help a little, but we've got a house to raise as well. And you'll have to at least put in a garden for winter vegetables."

*Tough as sticking with the train might be, it'd be easier than going it alone,* Ike added, Jeremiah translating for him.

"I doubt that," Amy said. "After last night, we just don't feel safe with the train. You folks have always treated us right, like there isn't anything different or wrong with us."

"Oh, please, can't they stay," Teresa begged. "I like school with Mr. Nolan, he's fun. And smart!"

Lou laughed. "That's endorsement enough for me! You're welcome, if that's what you want."

The tense couple relaxed and smiles began to burst out on their faces. "Oh, thank you. Thank you ever so much," Amy Nolan said over and over again.

By the time the wagon train departed later that morning, the Metcalfes and the Heaths had also decided to stay behind and settle in what they were already calling McSwain Valley. Lou shook her head in wonderment as she surveyed the group, not quite sure how it had happened.

"So, when do we leave?" Carl Metcalfe asked.

"This is beautiful, Lou," Mrs. Heath said as they rode up to the valley. Since this was to be their last day on the trail, Lou'd offered the horses to the women, letting the men drive the wagons. "How ever did yo find it?"

"I didn't," Lou said, smiling back at the wagons slowly lumbering up the pass toward them. "Ike did. I just told him I wanted to stay in this area. I was tired of traveling and ready to settle down. He found this place all on his own."

"You are so lucky," Amy smiled.

"How so?" Lou asked.

"Most men wouldn't care so much about your opinion on things," Mrs. Heath said. "Let alone go out of their way to find you the perfect spot."

"I know Pa didn't ask me if I wanted to stay here, he just said, we're stayin'," Emily muttered.

"I don't think you realize just how lucky you are to have a young man who loves you so much," Mrs. Heath said, urging Lightning forward, into the valley. The other women followed her on Katy and Sundancer. Lou, mounted on Ike's bay mare, looked after them, confused. What were they talking about?


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 11

That night, all four families camped together. Sitting around the fire, they talked late into the night, making plans.

*Lou and I have discussed building our cabin just over there, by the source of the creek,* Ike said, with Lou's help.

"It's a good spot, with a nice water source and plenty of nearby trees for the cabin," Lou added.

"Don't suppose it hurts that it's a real pretty spot, either," Preacher Heath added.

Lou and Ike laughed. "No, it sure doesn't."

*Have you had a chance to look around?* Ike asked, *Find a place you'd like to start building?"

Isaac Brown, Amy Nolan's father, looked around before answering for all of them. "We talked about sticking together. Like you said, it's going to be hard enough, without going it alone."

"Would you mind if we built our places at the other end of the valley? Near the entrance?" Carl Metcalfe asked.

Ike shrugged. *Don't see why we should. We can only claim so much land and this valley's a lot bigger than that.*

"We should probably get some sleep," Mrs. Heath said. "Tomorrow's a big day. We start felling timber for our new homes."

Lou found herself almost forcibly sidelined by the entire rest of the group the next morning.

"It ain't safe, not in your condition," Emily Metcalfe bit out a tad acerbically.

*Lou, listen to them,* Ike begged her. *Please, just let us fell the timbers. There'll be plenty for you to do later on.*

"You should listen to your husband, young lady," Mrs. Heath admonished with a smile. "You're in a delicate condition now. And he's only got your best interests at heart. Not just yours, but the baby's, too."

"She's right," Carl Metcalfe put in. "Gotta take care of that young-un'."

"Besides, we've got plenty of brawny men to do the hard lifting," Amy's father jumped in. "No need for you to be working up a sweat."

So, Lou spent the day restlessly tending the fire and the children with Mrs. Heath and Amy Nolan. Emily Metcalfe decided to head out with the men to start dropping logs large enough to build their homes. They'd agreed to work together felling the logs. Then, once they had enough for all four homes, they'd start building one cabin at a time, with the McSwain place going up first.

"What's the matter, Ike?"

Ike looked up from the fallen Douglas Fir he was busily hacking all the branches off of. Pausing to wipe the sweat from his brow, he let his eyes ask the question, *What?*

"Well, somethin's obviously got you upset, the way yer goin' at that there tree," Emily smiled at him. "I almost feel sorry for it."

Grabbing his canteen, Ike paused to think a moment before shrugging. Dropping down to a seat on the half hewn log, he sighed. *I just feel like I'm wasting my time, sometimes. You know?*

"Lou?" Emily asked, coming over to sit next to him.

Ike nodded.

"Have you tried doing anything to… well… get her attention?"

*What do you mean? I'm always there. How can she not notice me?*

"Maybe that's the problem. You're always there. You need to do something to make her sit up and smell the coffee. Wake her up out of this funk she's been in. She doesn't realize what a jewel she's got in you, you know?" Emily said the last as she raised her canteen to her mouth to slug down some water of her own, and to hide the look of jealousy she couldn't quite keep from crossing her face.

"Oh, oh my," Mrs. Heath gasped when the workers began dragging the first logs back to the clearing where the McSwain house was going to be built.

Lou looked up and blinked in surprise herself. In the heat of the day, the men had removed their shirts. She watched in fascination as they trudged into the clearing, glistening muscles bulging with the effort of guiding the horses and oxen dragging the long, heavy logs behind them. After dropping off their burdens, they all trooped down to the creek to splash water on themselves to cool off. Lou was fascinated by the play of sunlight across Ike's sweat drenched shoulders and well developed arms. When he turned around and saw her, his mobile face split into a broad smile. Barely conscious of it, she returned his greeting with a tentative half smile of her own, accompanied by a small wave. Her eyes were too busy devouring the sight of his well toned chest and rippling stomach muscles. She kept her eyes glued to Ike's form until he disappeared back into the dark woods moments later, looking for the next tree to topple.

"Well," Amy said, nudging Lou with one elbow while vigorously fanning herself with her other hand. "They certainly put on quite a show for us, didn't they?"

Startled out of her bemused reverie, Lou turned to look at the other young woman. "What are you talking about?"

"All that manly flesh they just displayed for us? You don't really think that was an accident do you?"

Lou found herself unaccountably flushing with embarrassment.

"It's hot out," she mumbled, turning back toward where Teresa and Jeremiah were busy working to clear the ground for a large garden all four families planned to work together this first year. She couldn't understand her own reaction to Ike's shirtless state. There was no reason for her to feel so breathless. She'd seen him stripped down from working in the summer heat many times before. Besides, even if he was showing off, it hadn't been for her, she reassured herself. He was out there working with Emily. He must've been trying to get her attention, Lou reassured herself. Which was as it should be.

The next morning Lou was restless. The images of a shirtless Ike, muscles glistening in the sun, had kept her awake much of the night. When she had slept, they'd invaded her dreams. After much pacing, and snapping at the children, she suddenly stood up and grabbed her rifle, slapping a hat on her head and tucking a jacket under one arm.

"Where are you going?" Mrs. Heath asked, bouncing her baby boy softly in her arms to quiet him.

"Huntin'," Lou answered shortly. "Jeremiah? Teresa? You be good while I'm gone. Do what Mrs. Nolan and Mrs. Heath tell you."

"Yes ma'am," they responded quietly, watching as she marched off in the opposite direction from the one the men had taken not too long earlier.

Lou spent a leisurely morning exploring the dark depths of the forest that encircled the valley where the valley floor met the rising mountains that defined it. It was a deeply relaxing exercise. Though ostensibly hunting, she soon found herself just sitting in one place, wedged into the crook where a large limb attached to the trunk of a tall evergreen, contemplating her life. More specifically, the people in it and those missing.

She didn't want to admit it, but Ike's little display the day before it shaken her. She'd found herself responding to the sight of his strong form physically, breathlessly. She'd felt things she hadn't felt since she and Kid had split up. Not even with Jimmy had she responded so… easily. Lou shook her head, trying to rid herself of those pesky thoughts.

She loved Kid. He was the love of her life. Letting her mind wander, soon she was reliving those first days with the Express, not just the excitement of getting the mail through no matter the danger, but the excitement of falling in love for the first time. She remembered that breath-catching moment when he'd turned a peck on the cheek into their first real kiss, the twinkle in his beautiful blue eyes that first time he'd ever seen her in a dress, his tentativeness the first time he'd asked her to dance, out behind the corrals in Sweetwater, and then his refusal to let her back away from their second kiss. A soft smile graced her face as she mentally wandered through all her memories with Kid. Those beautiful moments, the embarrassing ones, like when Emma'd insisted on her little coming out party, and the painful ones. Through it all, there'd been a powerful strand of certainty, a belief that this was the way things were meant to be, that, in the end, it would all work out. Until she'd come home to find him gone. Yes, she loved Kid. He was the love of her life. Was. But now? Now, he was… gone.

Naturally, her mind moved on to Jimmy. He'd been her best friend. Someone she could always talk to, laugh with, count on to be there for her when she just needed someone to be by her side. She'd loved Jimmy, too, in her own way. It hadn't been the same. She'd never felt the insane jealousy over Jimmy's various loves that she'd felt any time she even thought Kid was looking at another woman. She missed Jimmy, all the same. His absence was more like a missing tooth than Kid's missing limb. But it was something that bothered her all the same, made worse by her guilt over his death. She remembered riding at Jimmy's side, standing back to back with him holding off outlaws, laughing at his jokes, wanting to clobber him upside the head for his stupidity. But he, too, was gone. Never to come back.

The sound of a hoof stamping on the ground jerked her to an awareness of the world around her. Looking down from her place in the tree, she saw a beautiful 15 point buck standing in the small clearing beneath her. He was staring majestically across the clearing to where three does and their fawns were grazing. Lou watched him watching over his family, unaware of the tears coursing down her face. Yes. She'd loved Kid and Jimmy. But they were gone. Ike, like the big, strong deer standing below her, was there. He'd been there for her, she realized, even before their losses, but especially ever since, silently providing support, taking care of what needed doing, watching over her and her siblings, just… caring.

She continued to watch the small herd of mule deer until they eventually wandered off. Never once did she reach for the rifle at her side. Once the herd was gone, Lou slowly crawled down out of the tree. Looking around, she found a sturdy piece of a fallen branch, about the thickness of her middle finger, and, pulling out her knife, sat down on the forest floor to quickly carve it into a strong peg. Standing, she moved back to the tree she'd been sitting in and, using the haft of the knife, she carefully pounded the peg into the tree's trunk. Stepping back, she slowly picked up the jacket she'd brought with her, Jimmy's jacket, and looked down at it.

"You were my best friend, Jimmy, and I miss you somethin' awful. But, maybe it's better this way," she said quietly, through a veil of tears. "I woulda hurt you horrible if you'd survived. At least you died thinking I loved you the way you wanted… needed to be loved."

Reaching out, she hung the jacket on the peg, carefully straightening its folds, brushing off a stray piece of forest debris. Then she stepped back and removed the hat she was wearing, Kid's hat, and looked down at it.

"I loved you, Kid, more than I can say. I'd have forgiven you for that schoolteacher of yours. We'd have moved on together. But now I've got to move on alone. I've gotta say…" she paused a moment to get control of the sob trying to burst out of her. "I've gotta say good... goodbye. I can't keep my life on hold forever."

Unable to speak anymore, she lifted the hat to her mouth and softly kissed the brim, before hanging it on the peg over Jimmy's coat.

Placing her hand over her now softly rounded belly she said one last thing. "I don't rightly know who's baby this is. I may never know, and maybe that's as it should be. Just know, he or she will always be a memory of the two men who taught me how to love. And I can't thank you enough for that. I love you. Rest in Peace."

Without another word, she turned and walked slowly away, never looking back at the coat and hat hanging from the peg on the tree trunk, looking for all the world like they were waiting for Jimmy and Kid to stop by and pick them up any minute.

No one mentioned Lou's lack of game, or clothing, when she returned to camp that evening. They could all sense that she was in a strange mood and left her pretty much alone. Until after supper, when, as the sun went down, she began to shiver and inch closer to the campfire.

Thumping his chest for attention, Ike asked, *Where's your coat?*

"Rock Creek." Lou shrugged, gazing into the dancing flames of the fire and missing the dramatic widening of Ike's eyes as he absorbed the real meaning of what she had said. Looking around, he realized Kid's hat was also missing. A slow smile began to slide across his mobile face, but he quickly hid it. This wasn't the time, he realized. Not quite yet. But soon.

Scooting over, he wrapped an arm around Lou's shoulders to warm her up. She sighed thankfully and snuggled into his embrace, leaning her head wearily against his shoulder.

Chapter 12

Ike watched as the other couples took a moment to themselves before the men headed out for another day of logging. Preacher had one arm draped around his missus'shoulders and was tickling his infant son with the other hand. Tim Nolan was leaning in and kissing Amy on the forehead, both arms wrapped around her waist as she leaned toward him.

Ike sighed softly, wishing things were the same between him and Lou. He had renewed hopes that one day they might be, but lately it had gotten awfully hard waiting patiently. Suddenly unable to bear the sight of the others enjoying what he wanted but didn't have, Ike turned away to finish yoking up their lead pair of oxen. He'd be using them to haul logs today.

The sound of a softly cleared throat behind him had Ike swinging back around. Lou stood there, almost timidly, his hat held in her hands.

"Um, you forgot your… hat," she said, avoiding his gaze as she held out the hat.

*Thanks,* Ike signed, watching her curiously. She wasn't acting like her normal, confident self. When she suddenly took a quick step toward him, he braced himself, not sure what to expect.

She pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, then turned and fled back toward the fire where the kids were finishing up breakfast.

"Have a good day," she tossed over her shoulder in a cheery tone.

Ike watched her go in wonderment, the knuckles of one hand pressed to his cheek where her lips had been pressed for such a fleeting moment. Shaking his head, he chuckled slightly in surprised delight. Maybe he wouldn't have to wait as long as he'd feared.

"It's nice to see you appreciating what you've got," Mrs. Heath smiled at Lou as she began to add logs to the fire, building it up for the washpot.

"I don't know what you mean," Lou muttered, keeping her eyes on the pile of dirty laundry in front of her. She hated wash day. The activity held too many bad memories for her. But there was no other choice. They only had so many clothes and those were all dirty by now with the hard work they'd been doing, trying to get the garden in and their homes up before winter hit.

"Oh, come on, Lou," Amy smiled at her. "It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"We understand yours wasn't a love match," Mrs. Heath said, "but that doesn't mean it has to be a cold, loveless marriage either."

Lou just shrugged as she helped Amy lift the pot over the fire and attach it to the tripod.

"I mean, it's not as if you two don't share a certain affection. You are in a delicate condition, after all," the older woman continued.

Turning her back on the other women, Lou sighed. She might as well tell them, they'd find out sooner or later anyway.

"It's not his," she muttered, barely audibly.

"What?" Amy asked, not sure she'd understood correctly.

Gathering her courage, Lou straightened her shoulders and turned back to face the other two women boldly, daring them to find fault. "The baby. It's not his."

Both had ceased their activity and were paying full attention to Lou now.

"Where's the father?" Mrs. Heath asked kindly.

"Dead. He was… another one of the riders at the Express station."

"Oh, Louise, I'm so sorry!" Mrs. Heath walked up to the younger woman and hugged her tight for a moment. "And Ike married you to provide a father for the baby? What a wonderful young man."

"You really are very lucky," Amy added. "Not many men would marry a woman knowing she was already enceinte with another man's child."

Lou blushed a bright red before stuttering out, "He.. we… didn't exactly know."

"Well, this certainly explains much about you two that has confused Mr. Heath and I, child."

Suddenly, Lou found the entire, sordid story pouring out. Well, most of it anyway. Sitting down on an upturned log, the words just kept coming until finally, she finished, "I just figure, it's time to move on, you know?" Touching her stomach, she smiled wistfully, "I loved the baby's father. But, he's gone. I've… I've gotta move on."

"That's the spirit," Mrs. Heath encouraged. "You'll see, love will grow where you give it the chance to."

"Just, take your time," Amy added. "Don't rush things."

"Oh, I won't be doing that," Lou shook her head fervently. "Not again. Believe me, I've learned my lesson. Slow and easy. If I'd listened more to the last person who told me that, things might be very different in my life right now." Besides, it might already be too late, she thought to herself, thinking of how comfortable Ike and Emily had gotten with each other.

Walking amongst the piles of logs, each stacked 10 high, Lou counted again, a small smile trying to break free the higher the number got.

"Sixty-five, sixty-six, sixty-seven…" she trailed off as she reached the last pile. "Just three more logs!" Turning back she quickly hiked back to the camp where the Amy and Mrs. Heath were cleaning up after lunch. Upon arrival she announced, "One more trip and they should be done!"

"Are you sure, Louise? Really sure?" Mrs. Heath nearly begged.

"Oh, I hope you're right!" Amy added fervently.

Lou nodded, her smile getting broader. "The next load puts us at seventy logs, maybe seventy-one. That's plenty for the four cabins we're planning, plus a few extra, just in case."

"Does that mean it's time?" Jeremiah asked, coming to stand eagerly next to his sister.

Lou ruffled his hair as she nodded.

"Yippee!" he shouted, before heading off toward the creek. Lou laughed. After a week of gardening, Jeremiah had been looking forward to the change of pace that would come with pulling stones from along the creek bed for the first chimney.

Soon, all the women, Resi and Jeremiah were wading in the cool creek water, looking for stones large enough to build a chimney with. They were laughing and chatting excitedly in their eagerness to get the cabins finished. None of them noticed the arrival of the men and Emily with the last load of logs, until Carl Metcalfe called out.

"Looks like fun, can we join?"

Lou whipped around in surprise and slipped on the slick rocks of the creek bed. "Wah!" she shouted in surprise, her arms windmilling as she tried, and failed, to regain her balance. Next thing she knew, she was landing on her back. Sitting up, she held out her arms to observe her own soaking wet appearance.

"Are you alright, Lou?" Tim called from the shore, obviously choking back laughter.

Letting her arms flop back to her side, making a wet, smacking sound, she looked up at the crowd now gathered on the shore. Smiling, she joked, "Well, looks like I won't have to wash these clothes this week."

She began to struggle to her feet, fighting not only the rushing current of the fast flowing creek waters but also her own balance, tilted in an unaccustomed direction due to her growing belly.

"Ohh!" she gasped in surprise as she felt Ike's hands reaching out and helping her up. Her breath caught in her throat as his hands slid down her arms to wrap around her back and behind her legs. Next thing she knew, he'd picked her up and was carrying her to the shore, then on to their wagon and tent. He set her down in the tent and stepped back.

*Are you alright?* he asked, a worried expression twisting his features. *The baby? That was a hard fall.*

Smiling up at him, she nodded. "I'm fine. We're fine."

Now that his worry over her safety, and the baby's, had been allayed, Ike noticed how his shirt that Lou was wearing had turned nearly transparent with the soaking it had taken. Since all knew she was female now, she no longer bothered wearing bindings and her round breasts were clearly visible. Ike could feel his body reacting the sight before him and blushed.

Noticing the color staining his cheekbones and Ike's sudden, valiant attempt to not look anywhere but her eyes, with occasional flicks downward, Lou looked down at herself. Her off-white shirt, which she'd stolen from Ike's trunk, was plastered to her front and completely see through. Crossing her arms over her chest defensively, she blushed now, brighter than Ike, and laughed nervously.

"Uh, guess I'd better change," she muttered, turning around to start rummaging through their things.

"Lou was right," Tim Nolan said that night around supper. "We've got enough logs to start building! Although I don't know that I'd have chosen her method of celebrating!"

There was a general titter of laughter around the fire as everyone relaxed, enjoying the thought that they were all one step closer to having a snug shelter through the coming mountain winter.

"Tim," Amy said, "why don't you get out your violin? I think this calls for some music."

"Oh, yes," Emily added. "Let's have a little fun."

Soon, they were all dancing in a circle around the campfire, laughing and singing along to the songs Tim played. When he wanted a break to dance with Amy, his father-in-law, Isaac Brown, pulled out a mandolin and started strumming a slower song while Carl Metcalfe accompanied him on the harmonica.

Ike watched as Lou stood on the sidelines, slowly swaying to the soft music. There was nothing he wanted more than to spend some time holding her in his arms and there was something about her body language that told him she wouldn't push him away this time. Walking up behind her, he gently tapped her shoulder.

Lou turned. Ike stood there, looking slightly diffident.

*Dance?* he asked simply.

Lou nodded happily, holding out her hand to his. Soon, he was swinging her in circles around the fire. She laughed when they stumbled over the uneven ground and he kept her on her feet with just the strength of his arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her a touch closer to prevent a re-occurrence. It was a magical moment, full of hope and dreams, unlike any she'd ever before experienced.

The impromptu party didn't last long. They'd all been up since the crack of dawn and worked hard throughout the day. Soon, they were turning in. Ike followed Lou as she ducked into the tent they'd erected when they set-up camp in their valley, nearly running her over when she came to an abrupt stop. Peering over her shoulder, he saw what had stopped her.

Jeremiah and Teresa were curled up together on pallets at the back of the tent. Lou had been leaving the two children between her and Ike at night, using them as a subconscious barrier. Now, they'd have to sleep side by side, much as they had while on the trail with the wagon train. But, the confining space of the tent, meant there was no room to separate their bedrolls.

Unsure what to say, Ike waited for Lou to make the first move. With an almost imperceptible shrug, Lou moved forward, as if she'd never stopped, and began to pull the blankets back in preparation for crawling into bed.

"It's been a long day," she said quietly. "I'm exhausted." Without looking his way, she said, "Night, Ike."

Ike sighed as once again Lou moved restlessly next to him. Her nearness was enough to keep him ever on the alert. Her obvious inability to rest quietly worried him. When she whimpered with her next turn, Ike leaned up on one elbow to see what the matter was. Noticing her twisted position, he quickly determined the weight of her growing belly was putting a strain on her back. Reaching behind his head, he pulled out his own pillow and gently shifted her up and slipped the pillow under her stomach, then he nudged her upper leg forward with his leg, pushing it onto the top of the pillow as well.

Laying back down on his side, he rested his head on one arm and, unable to resist, reached out to wrap his other arm around her waist, letting his hand rest on her stomach. Soon, both were fast asleep.

Lou woke up feeling refreshed in a way she hadn't in weeks. Lately, her aching back and hips woke her several times throughout the night and she got up feeling as tired as when she lay down. Not this morning.

This morning she felt rested. And that wasn't all. There was an underlying sense of well-being, almost happiness, she hadn't felt since that last morning with Kid, before everything had gone downhill on her.

Wondering at her odd mood, she started to roll over, but froze as she became aware of the strong arm wrapped around her, the warm body snuggled up against her back. Turning just her head, she found herself almost nose to nose with Ike. Afraid to wake him, she caught her breath. Instead, she lay there quietly, watching him over her shoulder in the pre-dawn light filtering through the white tent walls. He seemed so peaceful, so content. She could see the child he'd once been in his sleep slackened features. He must have been a lovely child, she thought inconsequentially.

Ike was enjoying his dream. He and Lou were wed for real, expecting their first child. They were curled up together in a large bed, snug under warm quilt. A roaring fire blazed in the nearby fireplace. He could feel her breath on his face as she leaned over to kiss him. He smiled and tightened his arms around her, bringing her closer to him.

Suddenly, Ike's arm tightened around Lou as he pressed her entire body closer to his, rubbing his nose against the back of her neck, making her shiver in appreciation. She could feel the tension returning to his muscles as he slowly surfaced to wakefulness. When his green eyes opened, she smiled at him.

"Morning," she said quietly. He stared at her for a long moment in complete astonishment. Then, she felt him shift again and he blushed so hard his face matched his favorite scarlet bandanna. He started to scramble back from her, pushing himself rapidly to his feet and turning his back on her as he stepped toward the tent's entrance.

"It's alright," she called after him, laughter evident in her voice. "I understand. It's just morning. It's not that you're happy to see me or anything."

"And, pull!"

Lou watched as the next level of logs went into place, one at a time. Once they'd gotten to the point where the men couldn't raise the logs into place themselves, they'd erected a jim hoist, made from one of the extra logs, in the middle of what would soon be the McSwain kitchen and were using ropes attached to it as a pulley to lever the timbers up and into place.

Once they'd decided they had enough logs to start building, the entire troupe had spent several days planing the logs into rough square shapes and cutting out notches at the ends. Now, all they had to do was lift them into place and pound them together.

Lou stood back on the platform of the scaffold they'd built along the inside of the wall, making sure to stay out of the way of the swinging mallots as Tim and Ike worked in tandem to pound this latest log into place. Looking out over the top of the rising cabin walls, she watched as Teresa and Jeremiah disappeared back into the forest, and smiled. They were enjoying gathering the dirt, leaves, twigs and dried grasses that the other women were mixing with water and shoving into the gaps between the walls.

A nudge in her ribs had her turning back to Ike, who was trying to move past her, to help raise the next log.

The work went quickly and by the end of the second day, the walls were up and they'd begun putting in the roof. Lou found herself now banished to chinking duty with the other women, using the materials being constantly ferried back by Jeremiah and Teresa.

"Lou!"

She turned at Jeremiah's urgently shouted call with a raised eyebrow.

"We've got guests," he said unnecessarily. Lou had already seen the pair of Indian hunters trailing along after Jeremiah across the field, Teresa walking between them, her hands flashing in rapid conversation.

"Um, Ike!" Lou called up, pounding on the wall of the cabin. "Everybody, you might want to come on down!"

The dark-skinned young men, their long black hair parted down the middle and bound tightly into braids that hung over their shoulders, moved easily and quietly in their deerskin clothing, moccasins, leggings, breechclout and tunic. Lou could tell they weren't part of a war party by their dress and lack of war paint, but didn't want to take any chances. By the time they arrived, all the members of their little community had gathered nervously in front of the partially completed cabin.

Ike took a deep fortifying breath as he watched their approach. He was proud of Lou's quick response, but worried that she still put herself in the forefront of their group, despite her condition. Such a risk-taker! He hoped these men were friendly. They looked so much like Buck it made his heart ache to think of shooting at them, but he would do it without thinking twice if they showed the slightest sign of intending to harm his family.

The taller of the two men nodded at them all then raised his hands to ask, *Which of you is Ike McSwain?*

Ike stepped forward, Lou at his shoulder, her hand resting on the holstered pistol she'd quickly donned, the gunbelt pulling her shirt tight over her belly. She knew behind her the others were unobtrusively holding onto rifles of their own.

*I am,* Ike signed. *How can we help you?*

"These are Tall Elk and Panther's Tracks," Resi said, reaching out to grab the hand of each of the braves as she introduced them. "They were out hunting when we came across them, down by the valley entrance."

*Is this all there are of you?* the one she'd introduced as Tall Elk asked.

Ike nodded. *Although I can't promise there won't be more later.*

*You speak the hand language of our people,* Panther's Tracks jumped in. *How is that?*

*My blood brother is Kiowa,* Ike said simply. *Running Buck.*

The two men looked at each other and spoke rapidly in a language none could understand. Then, Tall Elk turned back and asked, *Do you live as friends to the Arapaho, too?*

*We mean you no harm,* Ike signed. *If that's what you mean.*

Moving slowly, to make sure she got the signs right, Lou added, *We would like to think we can be your friends.*

The two men nodded and, turning, moved back the way they'd come.

"What did they want?" Mrs. Heath asked nervously.

"Only to find out if we planned to live in peace or meant them harm, I think," Lou said quietly, watching the men as they disappeared into the shadows marking the edge of the forest.

"I certainly ain't planning on pissing them off," Carl put in.

"Watch your language, sir," Isaac hushed him. "There are ladies present."

"My apologies," Carl said as he began to climb back up onto the roof.

"Today's the day," Lou said excitedly as she ducked out through the entrance of her tent, happily contemplating the fact that by the end of the day they would be sleeping in their new home. She couldn't wait.

In the early dawn light, she found herself just standing there, watching the sun rise over the roof of their new cabin. They'd positioned it so the door faced south, to receive the early morning sun and collect the warm breezes of summer, and avoid the harsh, cold northern winds of winter. It was made up of two rooms, one for sleeping and one for living. There was a loft in both rooms. One would provide storage for food stuffs. Jeremiah and Teresa would sleep in the other. An open breezeway separated the two rooms, providing an outdoor area where cooking and chores could be done in the heat of summer. In winter they would put up a temporary wall to block the northern winds in the breezeway. The roof was covered with dozens of hand shaved wood shingles. Each gap between the logs had been carefully chinked, the mud and grass mixture already drying to a hard consistency that would make the cabin snug as a bug come winter. The only thing left to do was cut the doors and windows into the building, then close off the last corner of the roof.

Lou didn't quite understand her proprietary feelings toward this small building. She'd never felt this way before. But, for the first time in her life, she couldn't wait to move into a new home, to start making it hers.

Ike watched Lou from where he was checking on the stock. She was so beautiful, her brown tresses now falling below her shoulders, slightly curling at the ends as they waved in the early morning breeze. Her form was outlined in the rosy light cast by the rising sun. Still wearing pants, she'd long since had to resort to wearing his larger shirts, so the material would cover her belly. Something about the sight of her in his clothes made his chest tighten in proprietary wonder. She was his. If only she would accept it. At least she was starting to warm up to his touches, he thought, unable to resist moving up behind her and wrapping his arounds about her.

Lou started when she felt two arms snaking around her waist, then relaxed back into Ike's chest as he hugged her close. His chin came to rest on her shoulder, his cheek next to hers. This felt, right. She sighed in momentary contentment.

The sound of a throat being cleared jerked the couple from their silent reverie. Turning, they saw the two young men from yesterday, accompanied by two more men of about the same age and several women. Tall Elk slowly approached Lou and Ike and asked, *Where is Friend Maker?*

"Who?" Lou asked, before remembering and reaching up to quickly sign, *Who?*

*The little girl who found us yesterday? We call her Friend Maker.*

*She's doing her morning chores,* Ike said, nodding toward where Teresa was getting ready to milk their cow. *What brings you back here so soon?*

"We came to see you put up your strange tipi," one of the new men said slowly, in heavily accented English. "If we are to be friends, neighbors?, we must learn to understand each other."

"Welcome," Lou said, walking up and holding out her hand in greeting. The group of Indians looked at her strangely. She smiled and said, "This is how we greet each other. You take my hand," grabbing Tall Elk's hand, she demonstrated, "and shake it. It's to show you are a friend and don't wish us harm, because you have to hold any weapons in your off hand."

*This is good,* Panther's Tracks signed, grunting in approval once Lou's words had been translated for him, before reaching out to shake Lou's hand also. Each of the visitors then insisted on shaking hands with every member of the little community. Lou smothered her own desire to laugh at the solemnity with which they treated what was a very casual custom amongst the Americans.

*We bring gifts,* Tall Elks said once the greeting ceremony was over. *Meat for your fires and blankets.*

"Thank you," Isaac Brown said. "We appreciate it."

Lou walked over to where Tim and Carl were standing and whispered, "We should offer gifts as well."

As the two groups began to mingle, Lou watched, happily noting as they relaxed around each other and even began to laugh and joke with each other.

"It'll be good to have friends amongst the locals," she whispered to Ike. He nodded in agreement. "We don't want any trouble like we had with the Paiute back in Sweetwater," she added, shivering in memory.

Soon, the American men were beginning the slow process of sawing through the thick log walls to cut out the three doors and three windows. One front door would be located on the south wall of the building, two other doors would open the rooms to the breezeway. There would be one window on each east and west facing wall of the home. Then, the men put in the last few shingles, closing up the roof, and the McSwain cabin was done.

Lou watched the process from a distance, impatient. She felt like the addition of the doors and windows was waking her home up, bringing it to life. Each window looked like an eye opening onto the world. She couldn't wait to get inside and get to know her new home.

As soon as the last shingle was in place and the men came tumbling out the front door, a cheer went up. But Lou didn't wait for the celebrations, she was already heading straight for the front door.

"You'd better catch her, if you want to carry her over the threshold," Emily said to Ike, pushing him in Lou's direction. Blushing, he rushed to catch up with his eager wife.

So intent was Lou on her goal, she didn't notice Ike walking up beside her, so she shrieked in surprise when he suddenly swung her up into his arms.

"What do you think you're doing?" she demanded.

"Following tradition," Preacher Heath answered with a beaming smile.

"It's your first home together," added Amy Nolan. "It would be bad luck to let you walk in on your own!"

Lou shook her head and laughed. "What about the bad luck of Ike breaking his back trying to carry me?"

Ike shook his head. Even pregnant, she still weighed next to nothing. But, catching her teasing mood, he deliberately faked a stumble just short of the door. Lou shrieked in mock outrage, reaching out to wrap her arms around his neck. Ike grinned. .Just the reaction he'd hoped for, he thought, as the move brought her closer to him.

"Don't you dare drop me, Ike McSwain," she ordered.

Ike just grinned down at her as he twisted sideways and ducked his head to step up over the threshold and into the cabin. Lou held on even tighter at his unexpected movements, still laughing for all she was worth.

Stopping just inside the dimness of the cabin, small squares of light filtering in through the windows providing the only illumination, Ike slowly lowered Lou to the floor, letting her slide down the front of his body, until she stood in front of him, pressed close, her arms still wrapped around his neck.

Leaning in slowly, giving her the time and space to move away if she wished, Ike gently pressed his lips to hers. When she didn't pull away, he pulled her tighter into his embrace, deepening the kiss. Lou's surprise at Ike's suddenly aggressive move faded into pleasure as she reveled in his attentions. Soon, she was kissing him back, pressing herself closer to him in an effort to relieve the heat building inside, the heat only he seemed to be able to quench.

Ike smiled against her lips. Not only hadn't she pulled away, she was actively participating in the kiss. Her lips were sweeter than he had ever imagined. And, oh, had he spent time imagining. Reaching up, Ike cradled the back of her head in his hand, enjoying the silky texture of her hair as the strands wrapped themselves around his fingers, even as he pulled her even closer, deepening the kiss.

A sudden tumbling in her gut had both of them pulling back, gasping slightly for breath. Ike reached out one hand to press it wonderingly against her belly, where the baby had kicked them both. A broad grin spread across his face.

*Welcome home,* he signed, smiling down at her.

Chapter 13

Ike sighed as he watched Lou lumber up out of the bed he'd made her. He'd framed it out of small logs, then used handmade ropes, criss crossing between the edges, to form the base of the bed. Then, he'd made a straw tic to act as a temporary mattress.

It was the first piece of furniture he'd built for their new home after they'd moved in. Unlike the others, they'd brought no furniture with them and had had to start from scratch. He'd spent every evening of the last couple months piecing together beds for him and Lou, the children were still sleeping on pallets up in the loft. He had also completed a table, bench and chairs for the kitchen and now was working on another project, a present he was hoping to present to Lou soon.

He smiled as she waddled more than walked out the door of their sleeping quarters, headed for the kitchen area. He knew he needed to get up quickly and get in there to help or breakfast would probably be just plain oatmeal. The further her pregnancy progressed, the shorter her temper, not to mention her patience, got. And her cooking skills, never more than passable to begin with, suffered as a consequence.

Pushing back his blankets, he grimaced at the feel of the cold floor against his feet. Maybe he'd do some hunting once winter fully set in. A nice warm bear rug would be welcome. Moving quickly, he shrugged into his outer clothes and straightened the blankets on both his and Lou's beds.

While they'd been moving slowly closer since that momentous day they'd moved into their home, they were definitely still in the courting stage. And Ike wasn't really in a hurry to push things beyond that. While it certainly made for a few uncomfortable nights on his part, he was enjoying getting to know Lou so intimately, learning about not only her likes and dislikes, which he'd known for what felt like forever, but also her deepest held dreams and fears. The better he got to know her, the more he loved her, and he'd thought that would never be possible.

Stepping into the kitchen, he rubbed his hands to warm them after being outside in the brisk fall morning air.

*Morning, beautiful,* he signed as he leaned in to kiss Lou good morning.

"Ummm," she murmured in pleasure at his caress. He loved how she responded to him. It warmed places in his heart he hadn't realized were cold. "I'll take the compliment but I hardly count as beautiful these days. I look more like a moose than a woman anymore."

Placing a hand on the top of her belly, now mounded high under her breasts, Ike grinned. *You're more beautiful than ever, and getting prettier every day.*

"I think you're just biased," she laughed, turning away to stir the oatmeal she already had boiling on a pot in the fireplace.

*By what?*

"By the desire to have an unburnt breakfast."

Ike laughed with her a moment, not denying he wanted a decent meal. Instead, he began pulling out a few strips of elk meat to fry up, while Lou began to mix up biscuits.

*We're getting pretty low on meat,* he signed. *Even with the extra help we've gotten from Tall Elk's people.*

"Yeah, we're running pretty low on a lot of other things as well," Lou sighed. "We need salt, flour, cornmeal, oats…" She let the thought trail off.

*I hate to say it, but I think we need to make a run back to Fort Bridger for supplies. We're not going to be able to rely on the Arapaho for much longer.*

"Yep," Lou sighed, plopping down on the bench along one side of the kitchen table. "I think we've stretched it as far as we can. We'd better head out soon, before the first snows close off the mountain passes."

*What do you mean 'we'?* Ike asked, a frown growing on his features.

"Well, we're all going, ain't we?"

*I don't think you should, Lou,* Ike said, shaking his head. *Not in your condition. It isn't safe.*

Noticing the thundercloud spreading across her fine features, he hurried to add, *Besides, you'd slow us down. Admit it, you just can't move as fast as you used to. Why, it takes two of us to get you up on Lightning these days!*

"Alright, alright," she finally grumbled, conceding he was making some sense. "Doesn't mean I have to like it."

Reaching out, Ike pulled her close, nuzzling his nose into her neck, which always made her laugh, and effectively ending both the incipient disagreement and her own disgruntlement over being left behind.

"Pay attention," Lou ordered, as she dropped Teresa and Jeremiah off at the Nolans' later that morning for their lessons. "I expect a full report of everything you've learned this afternoon."

"Yes, ma'am," Jeremiah said, hustling inside after Teresa, in a hurry to get out of the chilled mountain air.

"They're doing fine," Tim reassured her, standing in the doorway, holding open the door.

"I know," she smiled up at him, "but it doesn't hurt them to be reminded we think education is important."

"I can respect that," Tim laughed. "What brings you out with the children this morning?"

"I need to speak with the others about supplies," Lou sighed. "Looks like it's time to set up a run into Fort Bridger."

Tim nodded knowingly. It was a topic the entire community had discussed more than once the last couple of months. "Well, let me know what everyone decides to do."

"Will do," Lou said, as she turned toward the two other homes in the small cluster of buildings.

"Yeah, we're almost out of flour and we've already run out of sugar and several spices," Amy Nolan said, placing a cup of coffee in front of Lou.

"We've been out of coffee beans for a week now," Mrs. Heath said, sniffing at her cup appreciatively.

"Well, let's make a list of what we need and what we want," Lou suggested.

"Then we can decide who's going tonight at the meeting," Emily added.

Lou looked at the other woman, a sinking feeling in her stomach. Each family would choose one representative to go on the supply run. Somehow, Lou just knew Emily would represent the Metcalfes. With the recent closeness growing between her and Ike, Lou found herself suddenly jealous of Ike's friendship with Emily and the time they'd end up spending together on the trail. Lou shook her head to rid itself of the uncomfortable thought.

While Lou and Ike had been settling into a routine and inching ever closer to each other, the other families had begun setting up their homes too. The Nolans were starting a school in their home. So far their only students were Jeremiah and Teresa, but they hoped to add several of the Arapaho children soon. The Heaths had added a third room to their house and held weekly services there. Meanwhile, Carl Metcalf had decided he wanted to build a saloon onto their cabin. He'd been busy felling trees on his own the last couple of weeks, none of the rest being willing to help with that particular project. Ike and Lou had already spoken to him severely about not serving alcohol to the Arapaho. But, despite lack of evidence to the contrary, he was sure there were enough mountain men, trappers and such, in the area that he could keep a saloon running.

"All I can say is, they'd better leave quickly," Mrs. Heath said, standing up and patting Lou's shoulder. "At least if they want to get back in time for Ike to be here for the birth of your baby!"

They laughed at that, Lou blushing slightly, as they'd all witnessed more than once Ike's excitement over the coming child, and his adamant determination to be present for the baby's birth. Something Lou herself wasn't so sure about.

"I wish you didn't have to leave tomorrow," Lou said sorrowfully as Ike climbed down out of the loft after tucking Jeremiah and Teresa into bed.

Ike followed her back over to the kitchen as she wandered around the cabin, absently straightening things as she went. She came to a sudden stop when she saw the handful of wildflowers he'd left for her in the middle of the table, carefully arranged in a mason jar full of water.

"Oh, Ike," she murmured, walking up and touching the late fall blooms gently. "You shouldn't have. They're beautiful."

*Just like you,* he smiled at her.

Blushing, she hid her face in the blooms, inhaling their scent. Finally setting them back down on the table, she reached out to pat his shoulder. "You ought to head to bed, Ike. It'll be an early morning."

Ike smiled at her. He was leaving for at least a couple weeks tomorrow, no way was he going to bed without spending some time with Lou. *What? No kiss goodnight?*

He followed that up by grabbing her around the waist and hauling her in for a playful nuzzle. But, when he pulled his head back to smile down at her, she reached up to frame his face with both hands. Pushing herself up on tip-toe, she pulled his face down to meet hers in a long, deep, drugging kiss.

Even as she gasped for breath through the intense kiss, never once pulling away from him, she muttered so softly he wasn't sure if he really heard her, "I'm gonna miss you, Ike."

Then her hands were leaving his face, roving across his shoulders, down his arms, behind his back. The next thing he knew, her fingers were nimbly unbuttoning the front of his shirt. Startled, he pulled away to look at her questioningly. While they'd had plenty of passionate moments the last few weeks, none had ever gone beyond hungry kisses. Tonight felt… different.

*Are you sure?* he finally asked, gulping down a nervous breath. *I don't want to pressure you.*

"You ain't the one pushing, Ike," Lou smiled up at him. "You were always patiently waiting for me to catch up, weren't you?"

Then she pulled him down for another intoxicating round of kisses. Finally, unable to bear the temptation she presented any longer, Ike bent down and picked her up in his arms, starting to leave the kitchen.

"No," she said. He stopped all forward motion to look down at her, already moving to set her back down on her feet. "Not that, silly. I just meant, we can't go back to the bedroom. Jeremiah and Teresa?"

Ike smiled at her and nodded, before carrying her out the door to the breezeway, leaning down to press his lips to hers in yet another hungry meeting.

"The barn?" she muttered as he struggled to open the barn doors, "How…. conventional."

They'd put it up themselves, after helping the other families with their cabins. It was small, yet cozy, with plenty of room for all their animals. Even as Ike finally got the door unlatched and pushed open, Duke, their dog, came running up to greet them. Ike pushed him away impatiently with one leg, then closed the barn door behind him.

When he reached the ladder to the hayloft, he set Lou down, continuing to kiss her silly. Finally, he stepped back from her, chest heaving from his efforts to maintain control of his growing excitement.

*I have a surprise for you,* he signed.

Looking him up and down, Lou giggled. "It ain't much of a surprise there, Ike."

Ike blushed, then looked up at the hayloft above them.

*It's up there,* he said. *Will you come?* He held out a hand invitingly to her, giving her one more chance to back out, go back to the cabin and crawl into her single bed. Instead, she stepped forward and placed her small hand in his.

"Yes," she whispered.

Lou rolled over, enjoying the feeling of freedom that came from sleeping in the large, double bed Ike had surprised her with. It was a beautiful bed with tightly strung ropes to hold up the feather filled mattress, all of which he'd made by hand on the sly.

A satisfied, feline smile crossed her face. That wasn't the only thing he'd surprised her with. She'd known for a few weeks now that he'd been holding back his passion, waiting for her to feel the same way about him. But she hadn't realized just how much until he'd let go of the reins.

Suddenly, she found herself rolled right on over into Ike's waiting arms. He loomed up over her, an almost lascivious grin on his face as he stared down into her brown eyes. Then, he was kissing her frantically, passionately.

"Again?" she murmured. The feel of his hands and mouth roving across her body was her only response.

Ike didn't respond, too busy enjoying the taste and feel of her, finally his to explore. And he had so little time to explore in!

*I wish I didn't have to go,* Ike said for the thousandth time as they snuck back into their own house.

"I know," Lou said, smiling up at him. "But it's only for a couple weeks. Then you'll be back for the whole winter."

*I know,* Ike said mournfully. *But by then you'll be so close to your time you won't want anything to do with me.*

Lou moved in close to him, running her hands up his chest to his shoulders as she reached up to begin pressing kisses along his jawline. "That's not going to happen. I promise. Although you may not want anything to do with me, I'm going to be so big and fat by then."

*Never,* Ike said. *You're always beautiful to me, Lou, the baby just makes you even more so. And I'll always want you, in more ways than I can say.*

Lou blushed at his frank words. Slapping his shoulder and pushing him away from her, she said, "Come on, let's get you packed up and out of here. Sooner gone, sooner done."

It was with a mournful gaze that she watched Ike ride out a short time later.

"He'll be back soon," she kept reminding herself. She couldn't help but feel like it wasn't going to be soon enough. She glanced worriedly at the sky. The weather was her biggest concern, although not her only one.

Chapter 14

"You look awful chipper this morning," Emily smiled at Ike as they cantered their mounts out of the protected pass that was the entrance to McSwain Valley. "I take it your courtship of your dear young wife is going well."

Ike shrugged, ducking his head to hide the blush spreading to his cheeks. While they'd worked together felling trees to build their little community, he and Emily had grown to be close friends. Sometimes it amazed him how well she'd learned to accept the situation for what it was. At others, her dissatisfaction with the status quo was apparent. The details of the previous night were definitely not something he wanted to share with her.

Emily just laughed at Ike's bashful response and kicked her mule into a faster pace, moving ahead to catch up with her father. It had surprised Ike and the others when both of the Metcalfes had decided to go on this supply run. But, it did make some sense. One part of the purpose for the trip was to file claim on the land. Since Emily was unmarried, she could file on her own claim. But, she had to be present to do so.

They'd also brought their entire string of six mules. Carl Metcalfe planned to bring back enough supplies to set up his own saloon. Ike just shook his head in resignation. It seemed there was no dissuading him from his crazy idea.

Ike had brought his own chestnut mare, who he called Big Red, along with Katy and Sundancer. He didn't trust Lightning to behave without Lou around. He probably wouldn't need all three of them for supplies, but had wanted to do a little gift shopping while he was at the fort as well. Christmas was just around the corner. And, the baby was due in less than a month, if Lou had figured things right.

A brisk breeze whipping down the side of the mountain sent a shiver down Ike's back and he looked up at the towering cloud bank rising over the mountain peaks. They were making this trip just in time, he mused. Hopefully, they hadn't waited too long.

The trip back to Fort Bridger took only a couple of days, as compared to the two or so weeks it had taken to travel the same distance with the wagon train just a few months ago. They rode into the fort late on the second day, tired and cold from the long trip, the early winter winds whipping around them, tossing flakes of snow about like a playing child.

Ike looked around and thought how empty the fort looked without its military attachment present.

"Welcome, welcome!" William Carter boomed to the newly arrived group, his head and shoulders hanging out the door of his trading post. "I can see you're here to trade. Come on in out of the cold and get comfortable!"

It didn't take long for Ike to complete his business, gathering up the food and other supplies they needed. Then he began to search through the luxury items Carter had. He quickly found something for both Teresa and Jeremiah. For Resi he bought a perfect little miniature tea set. Jeremiah got his own rifle. He was old enough, Ike figured, to learn how to handle one properly. Lou's gift was more difficult, Ike found. There were bolts of pretty calico cloth, a couple bonnets and hats decorated with bits of feathers and fur, even a silverbacked brush and mirror set. But nothing that struck him as right for Lou.

Even as he searched, he kept one ear and eye on the goings on in the post, making sure all was right with the people he'd come to think of as his, to protect and care for. So, he was the first to notice when Carl Metcalfe slipped through the back door of the trading post into the room where Carter served 'the good stuff', for a price of course, and men could find a game of poker. Emily, however, seemed to be spending most of her time flirting with a tall, gangly man with curly, dishwater blonde locks that fell below his shoulders. The man seemed a bit old for Emily, but, Ike shrugged his shoulders, it wasn't as if he would ever be more than a passing acquaintance.

Finally, finding what he thought would be a good gift for Lou, Ike turned back to Carter and began negotiating the price.

"How's that little lady of yourn' doin?" Carter asked as he wrapped up Ike's purchases.

_Getting nervous,_ Ike wrote down. i_Baby's due soon_./i

"I bet," Carter laughed. "Not exactly up her alley, is it? Giving birth, I mean." He paused a moment, then shook himself. "Oh, almost forgot, you've got some mail here. Arrived a bit back." As he shuffled through piles of letters under the counter he muttered, "Too bad about the Express. The mail's sure slowed down since it closed."

Ike rapidly scribbled, i_What happened to the Express?/i,_ then pounded his fist on the counter to get Carter's attention.

Reading the note, Carter said, "The telegraph, son. Didn't you know? It put the Express out of business when it went through. Well, here's your mail. Bet there's a letter or two from your friends explaining things better than I can."

Lou sighed as she sank knee deep into the snow when she stepped off the breezeway on her way to the barn. The snow had started the morning after Ike and the rest of the men had left for Fort Bridger. It hadn't stopped for more than a few hours since and had piled up quickly. She was seriously worried about whether they'd be able to make it back before spring.

Grabbing ahold of the rope they'd strung between the cabin and the barn in case of a blizzard, Lou used it to keep her balance as she slowly worked her way through the white stuff. It didn't take her long to feed and water the animals, then muck out the stalls and spread fresh hay for them. In the process though, she discovered their milk cow had, once again, kicked out one of the walls of her stall.

"You keep this up and we're just gonna let you out to deal with the wolves and coyotes on yer own," Lou muttered acidically. While the work of repairing the stall helped fill a few minutes, it still didn't take long. Soon, she stood at the barn door, looking out over the white blanketed landscape, sighing.

She didn't have anything else to do today. The children had already left for their daily lessons with Amy Nolan, who was filling in for her husband as teacher while he was gone. The cabin was clean. She'd made so many baby clothes, diapers and blankets she was out of material. And, though she wouldn't say she'd done that good a job of it, she'd canned every piece of fruit and vegetable she could find in preparation for the long mountain winter. She needed something to keep her busy or she was going to go stir crazy.

She'd always worried about the boys when they'd been out on runs. But never quite like this, not even with the Kid. She figured it must be the baby making her so unsure and uncertain. Wrapping her arms around herself, she squeezed them tight. She missed Ike more than she'd ever have thought possible. She wanted him back. Not just for his warmth in bed at night, not just for his sweet kisses and gentle strength. No, she missed his smile in the morning, his happy teasing, his loving care with the children. She missed him.

This train of thought had her thinking back to their one night together, just before he'd left. It had been so sweet. She was glad she'd waited, yet wished they hadn't waited quite so long. Looking up at their hideaway in the hayloft, she had an idea. She knew what she would do that day.

"Damned piece of …. " Lou let the muttered imprecation trail off as she struggled to drag the frame of the double bed Ike had made for them out through the barn doors. The sudden cackling of female voices had her head swinging around to see who was watching her.

Tall Elk's two wives stood in the cabin breezeway, whispering animatedly to each other and occasionally pointing at Lou.

"Instead of standing there laughing at me, you could come help!" Lou called out to them.

The two women, about the same age as Lou and Ike from all they'd been able to figure out, came trotting over, moving easily through the deep snow in their thigh high moccasins and leather leggings, under their beautifully decorated long tunics.

"You funny white woman," the elder of the two women, Pretty Flower, said in broken English. "Why tie wood like this? Easier carry logs to fire."

Lou laughed at the misunderstanding. "This isn't for the fire," she said. "This is a bed. For sleeping," she added at their confused looks.

"But, no can carry on trail," the second woman said, still frowning. "Why make when have to leave in spring?"

"We won't go on the trail like you," Lou explained as they helped her carry the large, unwieldy frame across the yard to the cabin. "We'll hunt, sure, but we won't be gone more than a few days. We'll put in crops and stay here to make sure they grow. It's called farming. That's why we built a log cabin instead of staying in a tent."

"Why?" Pretty Flower asked, as confused as her sister wife, Blue Sky. "Plants grow on own. Don't need help."

Lou paused at the front door of the cabin to look at the other two women, not sure how to explain. Finally she shrugged her shoulders and said, "I guess you'll just have to wait and see."

It didn't take them long to get the bed frame the rest of the way into the bedroom, then bring over the feather mattress and make the bed. Lou looked across the room at the abandoned single beds she and Ike had been using. She decided she'd make Jeremiah and Teresa move them up into the loft when they got home.

"Coffee?" she asked her guests, ready to settle in for a long visit. One thing she did like about this settled life was the ability to have a long afternoon chat with other women, to not have to hide who and what she was. And she had Ike to thank for that freedom, she thought with a small, half hidden smile.

Looking at the two women as they seated themselves in her kitchen, Lou was reminded of Buck for a split second. Thinking about his incurable sweet tooth, she added, "Would you like some dried apple pie? Teresa made it just yesterday. I didn't touch it, I promise."

Ike frowned as he stared into the fire that night. It took every ounce of control he had not to pull his revolver and start shooting something, anything. The rage filling his body right now was unlike any he'd ever felt before. How could the government have pulled the land office out of Fort Bridger? He didn't have time to travel all the way into Oregon City to file for their land. He needed to get back to Lou. She was waiting for him, expecting him, needing him. He had to be there! But, if he didn't file for their land now, someone else might have snatched it out from under them by spring, forcing them to move on. And Lou already loved their valley, he could tell. She showed none of her usual signs of restlessness. He didn't know if it was the baby or if she'd just reached a point in her life where she wanted to settle, but she was rapidly turning their little cabin into a real home. A home he wanted to get back to.

Allowing himself a little bit of venting, he tossed the next handful of branches onto the fire with unneeded extra force, causing sparks to shoot up into the sky.

"She'll be alright," Emily's soft voice came from his side. She laid a calming hand on his arm, which he impatiently pushed away. He didn't want to be calmed. He wanted to be home.

*And if the baby comes?* he asked.

"She'll have Mrs. Heath and Amy Nolan there to help. And her Indian friends," Emily smiled, a little sadly, at Lou's ability to gather friends around her, despite her unconventional lifestyle. "She'll be fine."

*She'll be worried. It's been almost two weeks already,* he signed, his hands jerking in furious controlled anger. *It'll take another week or two for us to get to Oregon City, fill out the paperwork and come back. Worry's not good for her and the baby.*

Emily watched Ike as he once more collapsed in on himself, brooding in a silent, heavy anger. She wanted so desperately to hug him to her, comfort him. But he wasn't hers to comfort. Finally, she spoke again.

"I'll go back." Ike looked up at her sharply in wonder. She nodded confirmation, he'd heard what he thought he'd heard. "We really don't need two plots. And, if Pa plays it right, he can surround my 160 with his and no one else'll want it. I'll be able to come back next spring to file. I'll go back, let them all know what's going on, so they don't worry."

*Thank you,* Ike signed simply, reaching out to drag Emily into a bearhug, patting her shoulder for emphasis. She sighed, enjoying the contact, but wishing it were for another reason. Lou'd damned well better appreciate her sacrifice, she thought fiercely.

Lou waved after the two women as they left the next morning to return to their camp. She'd enjoyed their visit. It had certainly distracted her for a few hours from her worry over Ike and the other missing men. They'd hoped to make the trip and back within a week and a half, two at the most. It had now been more than two weeks since they'd left.

Needing another project, now that the bed had been successfully moved into the house, Lou scanned her little home, trying to decide what to do next.

"Whatcha doin'?" Jeremiah asked, running past her toward the barn, eager to be off to school.

"Lookin' fer somethin' ta keep me busy," Lou muttered.

"Why don't you build some steps," Teresa suggested as she dropped heavily more than a foot from the threshold of the door to the ground.

"That's a danged good idea, young lady," Lou smiled at her. "I'll just go see what we've got in the way of supplies in the barn."

Thus it was, she was pounding away at the last step when the children came rushing home. She'd built steps not only to the front door but also to the breezeway. But, before she could even ask the kids about their day, they started shouting.

"Lou! Come quick! They're on the way back! They're coming home!"

Lou didn't even stop to grab her gloves, which she'd set down on the steps while wielding the hammer. She jumped up and headed straight for the barn. Moments later she came tearing out of the barn, riding Lightning bareback.

"Wonder how she mounted?" Jeremiah asked of no one in particular.

When Lou reached the other end of the valley and the cluster of three homes, she found only Sundancer and Katy tied up outside, along with the others' pack mules. Sliding off Lightning's back, she dropped the reins, ground tying him, and rushed into the Heath's home.

"Ike, I'm so glad you…" she came to a sudden halt as she realized the only one of the travellers there was Emily. Lou's face suddenly lost all color and she reached out to grab the door post. Barely able to breath, she stuttered, "Where's…. where's Ike? And… and the others?"

Emily jumped to her feet, holding out one hand in a vain attempt to reassure Lou. "They're fine! I swear. Just turned out they had to go all the way into Oregon City to file their claims. Couldn't file at Fort Bridger with the Army gone."

Lou's shoulders slumped. All the energy and excitement bleeding away with those few words. She was glad Ike was safe, so far as she knew, but she wanted him home. Now.

Mrs. Heath walked up and patted her shoulder comfortingly. "It'll be alright, dearie. He'll be back before the baby gets here. You'll see. He wouldn't miss that for anything."

Lou crossed off another day on the calendar they'd bought back in St. Joe, bringing it all the way out here with them. It had been three weeks and five days since Ike had left. Her baby was due any day now and still there was no sign of his return.

Bending forward, Lou pulled the blue and white checked curtains she'd made aside and peered out the window. Snow was still falling again, and it was coming down thicker than ever.

"Lou! Lou!"

She turned at the frantic call filtering through the thick cabin walls. Grabbing her shawl, she wrapped it around her shoulders as she stepped out into the breezeway to find out what Teresa was yelling about.

"What is it?"

"The milk cow, she's broken through the stall again," Resi said, slightly frantically.

"I'll be right there to fix it," Lou sighed. "Let me just grab my hat."

"No, Louise, you don't understand," Resi pleaded, finally reaching the steps to the breezeway. "She's gone. She got out somehow last night."

Lou rubbed her aching back. She didn't need this. Not today. She just wasn't up to it, not mentally, certainly not physically. "She's just going to have to make do on her own for awhile, then I guess."

"We'll go find her," Jeremiah offered. "Won't we Resi? Tall Elk and Panther's Tracks have been teaching us about tracking. We'll be back in no time."

Lou cocked her head, considering the proposition. She'd been relying on the children more and more the last week. But this seemed like almost too much.

"Please," Resi added. "It'll be so much more fun than being stuck in the house all day."

At last, Lou relented. "All right, but I want you back by sundown, cow or no cow, you understand? And you bundle up good!"

"Yes, ma'am," the children chorused, putting their heads together and hatching their plans for the search even as they moved back toward the barn. Lou shook her head.

Back in the house, she found herself moving restlessly from room to room. Her back ached horribly and she was tired as all get out, but she couldn't seem to sit still. Thus, she greeted a knock on the front door with a sense of relief.

"Pretty Flower! Blue Sky!" she greeted the Tall Elk's two wives happily. It was strange, but in many ways she'd become closer to them over the last few months than with the other women in their small community. "I didn't expect to see you two today, not with that storm brewing." She indicated the growing storm cloud with her chin, in the Indian way.

"Storm come tonight," Blue Sky said. "Plenty time. But no spend night."

Soon, the three women were seated before the fireplace with cups of heavily sweetened coffee in their hands and plates of cookies on their laps. But Lou found, even now, with her two good friends to talk with, she couldn't sit still. Standing, she began to move slowly, back and forth, between the fireplace and the kitchen table.

Catching a look passed between the two sisters, she asked grumpily, "What?"

"How feel today?" Pretty Flower asked, moving behind Lou and beginning to massage her lower back.

"I dunno," Lou said, unable to verbalize her odd feelings. "Restless, I guess."

"Back hurt?" Blue Sky queried.

Lou looked up at her in surprise. "Yes."

"Feel… tight? Here?" Pretty Flower asked, running a hand along the lower edge of her own belly to indicate what she meant.

Lou nodded slowly. "Yes. Has been fer awhile now. What are you gettin' at?"

"Baby come soon," Pretty Flower pronounced solemnly, then broke into a wide smile.

"Oh no! Hell no!" Lou said, backing away from the two women now beaming at her. Shaking her head violently she added, "This child ain't goin' no where 'til Ike gets back!"

"Baby no care 'bout father," Blue Sky said sagely.

Trying to ignore the two women now following her every movement with their eyes, Lou returned to her pacing.

"This one does," she muttered to herself. "I do!"

"I say we stay here," Carl Metcalfe argued. "We've got shelter, food, warmth. No sense heading out into a storm."

"We'll be safer," Preacher Heath added. "The ladies will still be there if we wait another day or two to get home."

Ike watched his companions as they tried to convince him to stay, ride out the storm in the cave they'd spent the last night in. But he knew he needed to get back now. Something in his gut told him he needed to hurry.

Shaking his head, he said, *No. I need to get back now. We're already almost two weeks late. The baby's due any day now. I can't wait."

"Ike you won't do her any good if you go and get yourself lost, frozen or worse trying to get home in the middle of a storm," Tim Nolan made one last attempt to dissuade him. But Ike was having none of it.

*Lou would come for me,* he said simply.

In a matter of moments, he was wrapped up in as many layers as he could manage, his head covered in his customary bandanna, a hat on top of that and a thick muffler wrapped around the lot, then down around his neck and face. Mounting up on Big Red, he headed out into the gathering storm, praying he'd make it home safe and sound.

"Here," Pretty Flower said, "Tea. Help calm you."

"I don't want any damned tea," Lou gritted out between her teeth, trying to ignore the repeated tightening of her abdomen. "Where are those children?"

"Blue Sky go home. Tell Tall Elk find, take to village. Not good they be here now."

"Shouldn't you be headed home, too?" Lou asked, glaring at the woman tormenting her with her constant cheerfulness.

"No. You no be alone when baby come," Pretty Flower answered, unflustered by Lou's rising temper. "I stay."

"I won't be alone," Lou ground out, trying not to groan as another round of cramping rolled over her belly, much stronger this time. "Ike'll be here."

"Hmph," Pretty Flower grunted non-committally.

Lou suddenly bent over, a hand to her belly, as she felt a sudden gush. "No!"

"Waters break," Pretty Flower commented drily. "Time take clothes off."

"What?" Lou practically shrieked, as the other woman began tugging and pulling at her clothes. "No. You don't need to take my clothes off. This baby's not comin' yet!"

"Baby come, you say yes, you say no. Baby come," the implacable Indian stated, finally managing to pull Lou's shirt off.

The snow was coming down so thick now Ike could barely see in front of his face. He just prayed he was still heading in the right direction. He'd had to dismount a couple miles back and was now plowing through the thigh deep snow on foot, breaking a path for Big Red.

He was so cold. He wanted nothing more than to stop, dig a hole in the snow and go to sleep. But he couldn't stop. Lou was counting on him. His Lou needed him. He refused to not be there for her.

With slow, deliberate determination, he pushed through the snow, concentrating on just putting one foot in front of the other.

"Nooooo!" Lou screamed as yet another pain passed through her, leaving her feeling like someone was trying to split her insides in two.

"Yes," Pretty Flower said softly. "Baby come soon."

"Noooooo!"

Pretty Flower shook her head sadly. "Not good fight pain. Relax. Baby come soon, easy. Fight, baby hurt more."

Lou reached out with one arm and grabbed a fistful of the other woman's deerskin tunic, dragging her in close.

"This… baby…. is… not…. coming…. until… I… say…. it's…. coming!" she panted before pushing the Indian away with all her force, sending her skidding across the floor.

"Mother have much spirit," Pretty Flower muttered as she picked herself up off the floor. "Baby be strong."

Were those lights he saw up ahead? Ike wondered. He was so cold now he was no longer sure what he was seeing. It could as easily be an illusion as one of the cabins. But it didn't matter. He had to keep going. Lou needed him. He wouldn't let her down.

"You need stand up," Pretty Flower said. "Make baby come easy. Like falling."

"I told you-"

Lou's repeated protest was cut short by a sudden banging against the closed and latched door. Pretty Flower hurried over to it and began to fight with the unfamiliar leather latch. Finally, she managed to get it in place and pulled the door open. A tall man, nearly completely white from the snow encrusted in his clothes, almost fell into the small, cozily warm room.

Lou pushed herself up off the bed she'd been sitting on and moved across the room as quickly as her condition would allow. Falling to her knees, she began frantically pulling the muffler away from the man's face, unwinding it from around his hat and shoulders.

"Ike," she whispered. "You made it, Ike."

One mittened hand, as white as the rest of him, reached up to brush against her cheek.

*Promised,* he motioned.

Lou nodded, leaning down to press warm kisses against his frigid lips and cheeks. "And you've always kept your promises to me. I knew you'd make it."

"Now you let baby come?" Pretty Flower asked, unheard.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 15

"Is a boy," Pretty Flower said, placing the newborn infant in Lou's arms. Looking at Ike, she admonished, "No let her sit. Still work to do!"

Ike, who was standing behind Lou, his arms wrapped around her, holding her up on her feet, nodded absently, his eyes clapped to the baby.

"A boy," Lou whispered, reaching out to slowly brush a smear of blood off the child's cheek. Ike reached up and jerked his bandanna off his head. Using it, he gently began cleaning the newborn with the red cloth clutched in one hand, even as he kept Lou on her feet with the other. Neither was really aware of Pretty Flower's continued ministrations, dealing with the afterbirth.

His hands full, Ike found himself unable to tell Lou all he was thinking and feeling. Yet, when she looked up at him and their eyes met, green to brown, he knew she understood. They were overwhelmed. This perfect miniature human being had just been given into their care. They knew how easy it was for a warm, loving family to be ripped away from a child. It had happened to both of them. And both were determined it not happen to this one.

By the time the baby was cleaned off, he was already rooting around, looking for Lou's breast. She gasped when he first latched on, then relaxed back against Ike, sighing in wonder. Ike, too, was astounded by the primeval experience.

"Put in bed," Pretty Flower said softly. "Mama, baby need sleep."

With a nod, Ike leaned over to slip his other arm under Lou's legs and lift both her and the baby boy into his embrace. A few steps and he was gently laying them down on the bed and pulling the covers up over them. Her eyes already closing in slumber, Lou whispered, "You, too, Ike. You need sleep, too."

"Louise! We got to spend the night with Tall Elk and Blue Sky!"

"We're sorry we didn't make it back before nightfall," Resi piped up. "Tall Elk wouldn't let us. Said it wasn't safe."

"Shhhh!" Pretty Flower tried to quiet the children as they burst through the door. "Mama sleeping."

"Why's Louise sleeping?" Resi asked, confused.

"Mama," Pretty Flower repeated. "Baby."

"Louise had her baby?" Jeremiah shouted in sudden excitement.

"Yes," Pretty Flower nodded, sighing in resignation. There would be no quieting the exuberant children now.

"It's alright," Lou said from the bed where she was cocooned in a nest of blankets and Ike's warm arms, the infant lying next to her. "I'm awake."

"What is it?" Teresa asked, as both children tentatively moved toward the bed.

"It's a boy," Lou said quietly, pushing the blankets away from the newborn's face so her brother and sister could get a good look. "A strong, healthy little boy."

"Woo-hoo!" Jeremiah exclaimed. "I win! You have to water the horses for a week!"

Lou laughed as she realized the two had laid bets on the gender of their new nephew.

"You two've been around Express riders too much," she muttered under her breath.

"What's his name?" Teresa asked, reaching out to reverently touch the baby's cheek with one extended finger. He yawned, turning in the direction of her finger, one fist tightly clenched near his head, eyes still closed.

"I.. I don't know," Lou stuttered, taken off guard. "We never talked about names."

A movement behind her caught Lou's attention and she looked over her shoulder at Ike, who had awoken and was trying to sign something one handed.

*We should call him… James Kidd McSwain… for fallen brothers.*

Lou promptly burst into tears.

"So, what's his name?" Amy Nolan asked as she cooed over the quietly sleeping infant later that day.

*James Kidd McSwain,* Ike signed.

"We're calling him J.K. though," Lou said over the lump that always seemed to block her throat when she thought of the name with which Ike had christened her son. There was no way she could explain to them they didn't want to pick one name over the other because even now they couldn't tell which of their fallen brothers had been the baby's father. His eyes, not just the blue of them but their shape as well, reminded her of Kid. But his long fingered hands made her think of Jimmy. It would probably become apparent as he grew older, but for now his parentage remained a mystery.

Not that Ike seemed to care, Lou thought as she watched him gently take the newborn and place the infant in the fine, cherrywood cradle Ike had brought back through the storm as a gift for her. Ike was more in love with their son, that's what Ike called him, than even she was.

"He's a good father," Mrs. Heath said, echoing Lou's thoughts.

"Yes, he is," Lou whispered in agreement.

After all their well wishers had left, Ike began to unpack the rest of the supplies he'd brought back with him. Walking back into the cabin from the barn, he handed Lou a packet of papers.

"What's this?"

*Letters,* he said. *There was a lot of mail waiting for us at Fort Bridger.*

"How'd they know where to find us?" she asked, as she began to sort through the missives.

*I told everyone where we were headed, back when the train stopped outside Rock Creek,* he explained. *Carter knew we'd left the train, so he held on to the letters rather than send them on to Oregon City.*

Lou nodded absently. The first letter was from Emma, addressed directly to Lou. She sat that one aside to read later, when she was alone. She pretty much knew what Emma would have to say and wasn't sure she was up to handling it. There was another letter from Rachel. Cody had sent a short note and Noah had, unsurprisingly, sent them the longest letter of all.

"You didn't read any of them?" Lou asked, noting that all the letters were still sealed, even the ones addressed to both of them.

*They were to both of us,* Ike shrugged. *Didn't feel right reading them by myself.*

The letters were full of news from home. Noah was still courting Cassie, but had hopes of convincing her to marry him by spring. Cody had joined the Army as a scout and left for Kansas. The Express had come to a crashing halt with the advent of the telegraph. Buck and Noah were working as Teaspoon's deputies, but asked if they could come join Ike and Lou in the spring.

*What do you think?* Ike asked. *I know you needed some time away, time to grieve, but I think you're past that now. Would it be alright?*

Lou smiled at him, touched by his concern for her feelings.

"They're our brothers, how can we turn them away?" she asked. "No, I'll be happy to see them. I've missed them all more than I'd ever thought possible." She still wasn't sure she was safe to be around, but nothing had happened in months. Maybe, just maybe, she had outrun the trouble that seemed to dog her footsteps, always missing her and felling those she loved the most, instead.

*I'll send them directions,* he said, *first thing in the spring, soon as the pass to Fort Bridger opens up again.*

Those first few weeks of real winter slipped by the young couple, almost unnoticed. They spent the time in a daze of midnight feedings and daily exhaustion. Lou quickly came to understand why Mrs. Heath had jumped at the chance to end her journey early when they'd decided to stay in McSwain Valley.

But Ike was always there to relieve her when the stress of being a new mother became too much.

*Let me take him with me while I feed the animals,* he'd say, wrapping little JK securely in a fur blanket and strapping him into the cradleboard Pretty Flower had gifted them with.

Pretty Flower and her sister wife, Blue Sky, continued to make regular visits, often appearing without warning at the McSwain place, which they preferred over the Americans who lived at the other end of the valley. They came for friendly conversation, to offer advice on caring for JK, and of course to satisfy their sweet tooth.

Christmas morning, Lou awoke to a smiling Ike kneeling next to the bed, a small package held in his hand for her. Sitting up, she sleepily wiped her eyes, trying to clear them. JK had been fussy the night before. She thought he might be teething. Insistently, Ike pushed the gift toward her.

"What's this?" she finally mumbled, taking the small box.

*Open it and find out,* he grinned at her.

His suppressed excitement slowly wormed its way past her exhaustion, waking her more fully. With a quirked eyebrow, she quickly tore the box open then paused to gasp at the sight of what was inside.

"Oh, Ike," she murmured in awe. "You shouldn't have."

*Why not? A beautiful ornament for a beautiful woman,* he signed. *I saw it and immediately thought of you.*

She reached into the box with reverent fingers and pulled out a beautiful cameo, carved into an ivory oval and set against a gold backpiece, all hanging from a long golden chain. She held it up in front of her, slowly twisting in the air as she admired its beauty.

"I've always wanted something like this," she murmured quietly, missing the satisfied grin that covered Ike's features. Then, she held the necklace out to him. Pulling her hair, which had by now grown down below her shoulders, up and out of the way, she asked, "Would you?"

Ike leaned forward and carefully fastened the necklace behind her neck. His sudden proximity caused her breath to shorten with desire as she found herself gazing at his face while he watched his hands to make sure he didn't catch any of her hair in the clasp. When he pulled back, she reached up to caress his cheek. Ike reached up to cover her hand with his before leaning back in and placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

The gentle kiss quickly turned hot with a passion that might have gotten quickly out of both their control if it weren't for the sudden giggles and gagging sounds coming from the loft above.

"Oh, gross! They're at that mushy stuff again!" Jeremiah complained in a loud voice, before beginning to make a noisy, stomping entrance down the ladder from the loft.

Ike and Lou laughed as they pulled apart, slightly abashed to have been caught necking by her 13 year old brother.

*Merry Christmas,* Ike signed, standing up and heading over to give the children his customary 'good morning' hug.

"Merry Christmas!" they chorused back, before running straight to the fireplace. "What did Santa bring us?"

"I don't know about Santa," Lou smiled, "but I know Ike got you both something special. And so did I."

The next few minutes were filled with shouts of glee as the children opened the presents Ike had picked up for them at the Fort Bridger trading post. In addition, Lou had made each of them a new outfit and given them a peppermint candy stick and an orange, which she'd carted all the way from St. Joe. Ike claimed his now customary place behind Lou, arms wrapped around her rapidly shrinking waist, chin rested on her shoulder, as they watched the children enjoying their first real Christmas in years.

"It makes me think of last year," Lou said wistfully. "Everything seemed so happy and full of hope. I didn't see how anything could ever change."

*All things change,* Ike slowly signed. *Sometimes for the better. Sometimes for the worse. All we can do is control how we react to the changes.*

Lou turned around in Ike's arms. Leaning up, she kissed his chin. "How'd you get so smart?"

"Would you two stop it?" Jeremiah complained over his shoulder, but he had a grin on his face. He might pretend to dislike the apparent affection growing between his sister and her husband, but deep inside he was as happy about it as Teresa.

Lou simply pointed up at the rafter over their heads, where a bunch of mistletoe dangled, and went back to kissing Ike, who didn't seem the least bit concerned about being the object of her affections.

The entire community of McSwain Valley gathered at the Heaths for a special Christmas Day prayer service, followed by a large communal feast. Even Tall Elk, his brother Panther's Tracks and their wives had come to join the festivities.

Everyone spent the afternoon talking, laughing and generally having a good time. That evening, the musicians amongst them pulled out their instruments and began to play while the rest took to the cleared floor for an impromptu dance.

"I need to rest," Lou laughed after her fourth dance in a row. "Besides, I think it's time to feed little JK."

Ike nodded agreeably and escorted Lou to a private corner where JK and the Heaths' five month old son, Joey, were wrapped warmly in their cradles near the hearth. Settling herself comfortably, Lou looked over and saw Emily sitting by herself.

"Why don't you go dance with Emily," she suggested. "She looks a little lonely. No one should be alone on Christmas."

*Are you sure?*

Lou shrugged. "Makes more sense than for you to sit here watching me feed JK."

Soon Ike was walking across the room. But, before he got halfway to Emily's side, Preacher Heath waylaid him.

"Ike," he said, "I've been wanting to talk to you, son."

*What about?* Ike asked curiously.

"Well," the man of God began to hem and haw as he blushed bright red. "Well, you see, there's this time, after a woman's brought this new life into the world that she needs a little extra help."

*And I'm helping Lou all I can,* Ike said.

"I know you are son, I know you are." The preacher patted Ike on the shoulder, even as he kept talking. "But that's not… exactly.. the type of help I'm talking about. This is more in the way of help.. uh… healing. The Bible says you should let your wife rest up good and long after having a baby."

Now it was Ike's turn to blush bright red, as he realized what the preacher was getting at. Nodding his agreement, he signed a quick *sure!* and made his getaway. Only to be stopped a moment later by Tall Elk and Panther's Tracks.

*We need to talk to you,* Tall Elk signed, turning his back to the room in an obvious attempt to keep their conversation private. *I understand you have no father to guide you in these matters.*

*What matters might those be?* Ike asked.

*Matters between a husband and wife,* Panther's Tracks added, smiling slightly. *It is important to give your wife time to heal after the birth of a baby.*

*We know it can be difficult for newlyweds, such as yourselves, to abstain for so long, but her body needs that time,* Tall Elk added helpfully.

*How much time are you talking about here?* Ike asked slowly, almost fearfully.

*Amongst our people, it is normal to wait until the child is weaned,* Panther's Tracks answered.

*That is one reason why those who can provide for a large family often have more than one wife,* Tall Elk said. *It can get lonely on a cold winter night while waiting for your wife to be ready to join you in the furs.*

Tall Elk and Panther's Tracks laughed uproariously at their joke., even as Ike backed away from them, his face blanching from a blushing red to a pale white.

Lou looked up from little J.K. as she laid him back down in his cradle, fast asleep after his meal. She watched as Emily's features brightened when Ike finally reached her side and held out his hand to her in question. Soon they were twirling their way around the room in time to the music.

"Is good," Pretty Flower said, coming up to stand next to Lou. "She good choice."

"What are you talking about?" Lou asked, confused.

"Now good time," Pretty Flower began, then paused, flummoxed by her lack of English vocabulary. Finally, she lapsed into sign language. *Now's a good time for Ike to take a second wife. A strong, virile man like him needs someone to keep the blankets warm while you are nursing. It's not good to make him wait until your baby boy is weened.*

Lou stared at Pretty Flower in horror.

"We… we don't believe in multiple wi….wives," she finally stuttered.

"He not courting Emily?" Pretty Flower asked, now confused herself.

Lou shook her head, almost violently. "They're just friends."

Pretty Flower made a doubtful grunt. "Not look like friends to me."

Lou looked again at Ike dancing with Emily held securely in his arms, her head thrown back in laughter at something he'd just done. She tried not to let it, but a moment of doubt wormed its way into the back of her brain. Was Ike in love with Emily? Did he regret marrying her? Taking on the responsibility for Jeremiah, Teresa and now baby JK? Was he accepting her affections as his due for the sacrifices he'd made for her, not because he really wanted her? Was he just making the best of the situation he'd gotten himself in to?

Chapter 16

The biggest surprise of the winter turned out to be the success of the Metcalf Saloon. Carl had been right about there being plenty of mountain men and trappers in the area who'd appreciate a place to stop by for a game of cards and a taste of the 'good stuff.' There were never more than two or three at a time, but their presence worried Ike.

*I'm afraid they'll cause trouble, especially after they've been drinking,* he told Lou one night as they sat by the fire after supper. She was feeding a quickly growing JK while Ike was writing in his journal. He'd set the leatherbound book down on his knee to share his thoughts with her.

"It's not like their presence is exactly a secret," she said. "Why don't we make it a practice to drop by the saloon, any time he's got customers, just to make sure they know we're keeping an eye on them?"

*We?* Ike asked.

"I can handle a gun better than you and you know it," she replied acerbically. "And honestly, you're better with the baby. Don't see why I can't drop by and scare a few idiots straight occasionally. Used to do it all the time fer Teaspoon."

Ike grimaced. He knew he could argue with her that she had a responsibility to JK, not to mention Jeremiah and Teresa, but she'd just turn around and say he had the same responsibility. By that logic, neither of them should go anywhere near the saloon. No, he knew exactly what she'd say and he knew exactly where they'd end up, with her doing more than her share of the law enforcement in the valley.

Instead, he said simply, *Alright. But, I take at least half the visits.*

Lou nodded agreeably.

Ike sighed as he straightened his gunbelt. He'd really thought he'd put it away for good when he'd come west with Lou to start farming. For better or worse though, it felt strangely comfortable and comforting. Pushing his hat back on his head, he stepped through the front of the Metcalf Saloon.

"Hey, Ike," Carl greeted from his place behind the small table that served as his bar. "What kin I do fer ya?"

*Got any sarsaparilla?* Ike asked.

"Sure," Carl said, reaching down to pull out a dark brown bottle. Prying off the cap, he handed it over to Ike. "Enjoy."

"Hey, Carl, who's the dummy?" a fat, grey haired man clothed in buckskins asked from a table near the fire. The other man at the table with him laughed at the comment. Ike stiffened.

"I'd be careful who I call a dummy, Otis," a suave, southern voice said calmly as the familiar face of a tall, thin man with long, curling blonde locks never raised his eyes from perusing his cards. "Miss Emily says that there's the man who found this valley." Now he tilted his head up until his light blue-grey eyes met Ike's green ones. "In fact I do believe the valley is named for him."

Ike tipped his hat in recognition of the man's defense.

"That's the truth," Carl said. "This here is Ike McSwain, the man who discovered McSwain's Valley. Ain't none of us would be here weren't fer him."

"Pa, you seen the auger?" Emily asked, stepping through the blanket in the doorway that separated the saloon from the Metcalfe's living quarters.

"No, can't say as I have," Carl said, shuffling his feet awkwardly.

Emily heaved an aggravated sigh. She knew it wouldn't do any good to quiz her parent anymore. He probably didn't even know which tool she was asking for.

"Why don't you stop worrying about silly things like augers and come have a seat with us," the tall man said. "We could use a third for our game. And having a playing partner as pretty as you sure would make it more interesting."

Emily giggled as she moved over to stand by him. "Why Horace Neville, you're so sweet. But you know I never play cards. I leave that to Pa."

Neville smiled up at the pretty young lady. "Can't blame a man for trying."

Emily laughed at his compliments, tucking a stray lock of her short hair back behind an ear. Leaning over, she said to him, just loudly enough for Ike to hear every word, "Why don't you stop by for supper before you leave. We can discuss things further."

Without another word, she walked back through the door to the living quarters, her hips swaying enticingly.

"That's one mighty fine piece of a female," Otis whistled slightly between his teeth.

*And you'd better treat her like the lady she is!* Ike signed, staring at the two men with a determined intensity.

"What'd he say?" Otis asked again.

"That Neville's become a real regular," Lou said a week later as she returned from making a stop at the Metcalfe Saloon. "I don't like him."

*Me either,* Ike said, reaching out to peel her coat off her shoulders. *But there's not much we can do about him.*

Lou sighed as she turned toward Ike to receive his customary kiss of greeting on her cheek. She watched him walk away from her to hang the coat on a peg by the fireplace, where it would dry quickly and be nicely warmed the next time she needed it. He was always doing little things like that for her, things she could do for herself easily enough. He was always ready to kiss her on the cheek or forehead, grab her hand or wrap her in a warm, comforting hug. He brought her little gifts he'd made or found. But, he never really touched her. Their little play on Christmas morning was the last time he'd really been romantic with her. She didn't understand what was going on. She missed the man she'd begun to know those weeks before he'd left on the supply run. She wanted him back.

She was starting to wonder if he'd just been a figment of her imagination. Or, if Ike had only taken advantage of what she'd offered him so freely simply because he'd known there could be no consequences. But now, he wasn't interested, because she wasn't the woman he really wanted.

Ike struggled with himself as he moved away from Lou. It was the last thing he wanted to do. He wanted nothing more than to kick the children out of the house for a day or two and spend the time properly christening the big bed Lou had moved into the house while he'd been gone. He could feel his body reacting just to the thought of holding her, really holding her, again. But he needed to give her some time. Her body needed time to recover. Her mind needed time to adjust to all the changes going on around her. She didn't need a randy goat like him constantly bothering her.

He was so thankful to Preacher Heath and Tall Elk for both taking the time during the Christmas party to point out the need to give Lou some space after JK's birth. Ike just wondered how much longer he needed to wait. He wanted the wife he'd barely had back. He doubted he could hold out the two or so years Tall Elk had suggested. But he'd not been able to get a more tenable answer from the highly embarrassed reverend.

Once Ike felt he had himself back under control, he turned to Lou and said, *Just be careful around him. I don't like how he looks at Emily. And I'm afraid he'll start getting the same ideas about you.*

"Ike! Lou! Louise!"

At the increasingly frantic call, Lou walked out of the barn where she'd been re-shoeing Katy. "What's the matter, Jeremiah? Why aren't you at school?"

Panting for breath, Jeremiah said, "Mr. Nolan sent me to get you or Ike. There's trouble down to the saloon."

Already on the move, Lou grabbed her gunbelt and began fastening it on.

"Talk to me," she ordered.

"Mr. Metcalfe accused that Neville fellow of cheating. Now he's holdin' Emily hostage!"

Lou nodded, muttering under her breath, "I knew he was trouble." Looking at Jeremiah as she moved toward the barn, she said, "You did a good job. Stay here with JK, he's in the barn in his cradleboard. Ike should be back soon. He's out gathering firewood. When he gets here, tell him what's going on and where I'm at."

With that, she swung up onto Lightning's bareback and tore out of the barn.

Ike paused, letting the ax fall to the ground as he struggled to catch his breath. He could see why Kid had spent so much time chopping firewood when he'd been frustrated dealing with Lou. It had become Ike's way of working off the sexual frustrations he was dealing with, waiting for Lou to be fully healed from JK's birth.

Looking up at the bright blue cloudless March sky, he inhaled a deep breath of the crisp mountain air. There was no sign of the winter cold letting up just yet, but he hoped that the passes would open within another month or so. Then, he'd head out to Fort Bridger for supplies and to mail letters to their family back in Rock Creek. By the time he got back, surely she'd be ready to return to the relationship they'd begun just before he left on the last supply run.

The familiar sound of rapidly pounding hooves drew his attention. Moving through the trees, to a clearing that overlooked their cabin, Ike saw Lou racing away on Lightning, Jeremiah looking after her.

Something was wrong. Without another thought, Ike turned and vaulted over Big Red's hindquarters, landing easily in the saddle. A nudge of the knees and she was off.

"Oh, thank God you're here," Amy Nolan said as Lou came flying into the yard between the three homes.

"Is she alright?" Lou asked quickly, as she slid off Lightning's side, landing on the ground ready to move, one hand already palming the butt of her gun.

Mrs. Heath nodded mutely.

"Stay out here, then," Lou ordered. "Better yet, go into your cabins and stay inside, out of the line of fire if things go downhill. Wait until the men get back. Whatever you do, don't come in after me. NO matter what you hear."

"Are you sure you shouldn't wait for Ike?" Mrs. Heath asked cautiously.

"If I wait for Ike, it might be too late for Emily," Lou said. "No, I've handled situations like this before. I'll be fine."

Without another word, Lou turned and pushed her way through the door of the saloon.

"Alright, Neville, you mind tellin' me what's goin' on?"

Ike came pounding in a few moments later, Big Red sliding to a stop near Lightning, her head hanging low, her sides heaving in and out as she struggled to catch her breath. Ike jumped to the ground.

*Where?* was all he asked. The women, peeking out the door of Mrs. Heath's home, pointed to the saloon door.

Even as he turned in that direction, Amy called out after him in an exaggerated whisper, "Tim went to get the others for help."

Ike waved a hand in acknowledgement but never slowed his race across the yard. He came barging through the door just in time to see Neville turning his pistol toward Lou. He knew Lou was fast, but he loved her too much to take the chance she'd be that fraction of a second too slow this time. He pushed her out of the way, stepping into the space she'd occupied, even as he pulled his own pistol, took aim and fired.

"Unh!"

"Ike! No, Ike!"

A second shot followed from the ground that seemed to be coming awfully close to his head. Ike landed on the ground, an odd pain in his chest chasing most thoughts away. But he managed to turn his head just enough to get a clear look at Lou. She was lying on her side next go him, her gun hand extended, her pistol still smoking. Even as his eyes started to slide closed, he saw her drop the pistol and scramble toward him.

"Ike!" Lou screamed in panic. "No! This can't be happening again. Not Ike. Not him too!" Wrapping her hands around his precious face, she said, "Hold on, Ike. Hold on! It's going to be alright. We'll be alright."

She never noticed the tears streaking down her face or the crowd gathering slowly around her. When someone reached out to touch her gently on the shoulder, to pull her away from Ike, she began to fight.

"No, he needs me. He needs me," she wailed, brokenhearted, sure he was gone, that, just like all the others, he'd left her behind.

Chapter 17

"Louise," Mrs. Heath said quietly, trying to calm the frantic younger woman. "You've got to let us move him, see what's wrong."

Finally, Lou realized the people around her were their friends, trying to help. In no time, they'd moved Ike to a bed in the Metcalfes' living quarters. Isaac Brown began cutting Ike's shirt off him. Emily moved in to help. Lou, feeling useless, slowly began to move toward the back of the room as the others worked frantically over him.

"The good news is the bullet went right through," Isaac said softly. "We'll just need to clean the wound and then wait. If it didn't hit anything vital, and he doesn't catch a wound fever, he'll be alright."

Lou was grateful to their friends for arranging to bring Ike back to their cabin, where she could tend him in the comfort of his own bed.

"Don't you die on me, Ike McSwain," she muttered. "Don't you dare leave me alone after all this."

Through the night she kept her silent, lonely vigil, watching his chest to make sure it kept rising and falling, constantly checking to make sure he wasn't feverish. The quiet gave her a lot of time to think. And she didn't like where her thoughts were taking her.

Once again someone she loved was in danger, might already be dying, because of her. Because whatever curse she was under refused to let her pay for her sins, but always punished those she loved. And she did. She loved Ike. That was the other mistake she'd made. She'd let herself fall in love with her own husband. Had she only realized it in time to lose him?

Shortly after dawn, a knock sounded softly on the door. Rising tiredly to her feet, Lou moved toward the sound. Opening the portal, she saw Emily standing diffidently on the steps, twisting her hands together in front of her.

"I came to help," Emily said.

Lou just looked at the other woman dumbly for a moment, then she stepped back and let the her in. Maybe this was her answer, she thought sadly.

"How is he?"

"No change," Lou said. "No fever, but he hasn't woken up, either."

Emily nodded as she moved over to stand beside the bed, staring down at a pale Ike, his chest heavily bandaged. "I feel so guilty," she said. "My flirting is why he's here."

"No," Lou said. "It's not your fault." It was hers, she thought. She was the bad luck. Everyone she loved too much ended up dying to protect her. She'd never even had the chance to tell him how she felt. Looking upward, she prayed, _Please, let him live and I'll leave. I'll leave them all. I can handle being alone, if I know they're safe. They're better off without me. They'll be happy together. They'll all be happier without me here, _she thought, her eyes returning to the sight of Emily bending tenderly over Ike.

The two women spent the next three days hovering over Ike's sick bed, spooning gruel down his throat, changing his bandages, cleaning up the messes he made. They didn't speak much to each other, each too focused on her own guilt and on keeping Ike alive. Others stopped by occasionally to help or just provide a little company, but they never stayed long.

On the morning of the fourth day, Lou suddenly couldn't take it anymore. She needed to get out of the small confines of the cabin.

"I'm going out to check on the animals," was all she said as she slipped out the door. Emily just kept wiping a cool wet cloth across Ike's forehead.

In the dim interior of the barn, hidden from the eyes of the world, Lou finally released all the fears and guilt and sadness she'd been feeling. By the time she was done, it felt like her entire body was sore from the strength of her sobs. But, she felt better, like she could handle whatever came next.

"Don't die, Ike," Emily begged. "Please, don't die. Don't leave Lou and the kids because of me. I could never live with myself if I stole you away from them with my foolish flirting. I'm so sorry. I should never have encouraged him. But he made me feel wanted after everything with you and Lou.. and me. Oh, Ike, I'm so, so sorry."

Caught up in her own pleadings, she didn't notice Ike's eyes had opened and were watching her blearily, until he reached up a hand and caught hers in it, stopping its motion across his forehead.

"Ike!" she exclaimed. "You're awake! You're going to be alright!"

*Where's Lou?* he asked, signing slowly, wincing at the pain the movement caused in his chest.

"Out in the barn," Emily smiled down at him happily, a great weight suddenly off her shoulders. "She'll be back soon."

Ike reached up to touch her cheek, capturing a tear on his fingers.

*Why are you crying?* he asked.

Emily just laughed in relief and rested her cheek in his cupped palm.

That's how Lou found them when she walked back into the cabin. She knew then what she needed to do. But first, she'd make sure Ike was really going to be alright.

Her footsteps as she moved toward the bed caught Emily's attention. The other woman started, then stood up quickly, a broad smile lightening her features. "He's awake!"

"So I see," Lou smiled softly. Kneeling down next to the bed, she added to Ike, "You ever scare me like that again, Ike McSwain and I'll shoot you dead myself!"

Ike started to laugh at the comment, so typical of Lou, but stopped, putting a hand to his aching chest.

"Yeah, you better watch it! It's gonna be awhile 'fore yer back to normal."

A week later Ike was sitting up in bed, propped against a pile made up of all the pillows in their house, waiting for Lou to bring him his breakfast. He watched her move through the door with an unconscious grace that always made his heart beat faster. Even as sore as he was, she could still make him want her. It never failed to amaze him.

His eyes followed her movements hungrily as she crossed the room toward him. So desperate for her attentions was he, he didn't protest when she tucked a napkin under his chin and began to spoon feed him the oatmeal. He was perfectly capable of feeding himself by now, but this seemed to be the only way he could get her to spend any time with him.

He wondered what had changed. She'd become very quiet, almost distant. Doing her chores mechanically, staying as far from him and the children as she could without neglecting anyone's basic needs. Almost like she'd been after Kid and Jimmy's deaths. The sudden thought struck Ike to the bone, setting his heart to aching more than his chest ever had. No! He didn't know if he could start all over again with her. He had to figure out what had happened.

Lou watched as Ike chewed and swallowed the spoonful of oatmeal she'd just given him. The sight of him, barechested except for the white bandages wrapped around him, never failed to stir her. She wanted nothing more than to lay her head on that chest, feel him wrap his arms around her and accept all the love and comfort he had to offer. Except, he wasn't really hers, was he? She had to accept it, stay strong. She gulped back a sob. She'd been putting things off, waiting until he was healthy enough to take care of himself and the children before leaving. But it was obvious at this point he was just humoring her, letting her coddle him. It was time.

Setting the spoon down on the tray next to the now empty bowl, she said, "I've got to go get more firewood. If you can watch the baby for a little while? Emily'll be here soon."

Ike nodded uncertainly. There was something about the way she was acting that bothered him, he just couldn't quite put his finger on it.

Lou tightened the cinch on Lightning's saddle one last time. Tears were streaming down her face. This was the hardest thing she'd ever done in her life, but it had to be done. She had to keep those she loved safe. And obviously the one thing putting them all in danger was her. So, she was the one that had to go.

Reaching down to grab her carpetbag, she started to tie it onto the saddle next to the saddle horn. Her bedroll was already firmly attached to behind the mantle.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Lou whirled around to see Emily standing in the barn door, her mule's reins held in one hand.

"Leavin'," she finally said, the one word all she could manage to force out. Turning back to Lightning, she double checked the knots holding everything to her saddle.

"Why?"

At that question, she turned toward Emily with anger in her eyes this time. "Why? Do you really have to ask that? Why? How about because you love him and he loves you! He only married me to rescue my brother and sister. How about because I'm a danger, to him, you and the kids! How about… " her voice broke now but she forced herself to continue, "How about because he deserves better than a whore that didn't even bother to charge two bits?"

Emily gaped at her for a moment, then started laughing for all she was worth. "You have got to be kidding me!"

"You think this is funny? It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my whole danged life. Harder than learning to be a boy, harder than telling Kid I couldn't marry him, harder even than killin' Wicks. But it's gotta be done."

"You are so full of yourself you can't see the forest for the trees, can you?" Emily spat out, her voice full of a vitriolic anger that was the only thing that could pull Lou's attention away from her own misery. "Ike? In love with me? In my dreams. Maybe. Maybe if I'd met him before you. Maybe if you'd never said yes or if your precious Kid had lived. But, guess what? Ike can't see I even exist, he's so starry eyed over you. When we talk? All he can talk about is, 'Lou said this', 'Lou did that', 'Lou thinks', 'Lou wants'! Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou! I'm sick to death of your name!"

Emily slowly advanced on Lou, pushing her backward toward the stall wall as she continued her diatribe. "Hell, I'd love to have met this Jimmy of yours. I think we'd have had a lot in common from what Ike's told me! Both of us in love with someone who can't even see we exist. And you're ready to walk away from all that? Walk? More like run as fast as you can. You're either the stupidest or most selfish woman I've ever met in my life!"

Lou just stared at Emily, her mouth agape, unable to comprehend what she was hearing.

"You know what? I've only been coming out to help you because Ike's a good friend and I felt guilty over him getting shot on account of me. Well, guess what? I'm through. You try riding out of here with a clear conscience, knowing you're leaving him to handle the farm and the children all on his lonesome, with no one to help out!"

"But… but…"

A sharp rapping on the barn wall caught both their attentions. The two women's heads swung around to see Ike leaning against the barn wall.

*Emily, that's enough,* he angrily signed.

"That's just what I was telling your precious Lou," Emily spat, mounting up onto her mule and riding out of the barn. Lou watched her gallop off with a poleaxed expression. Once the other woman was out of sight, she turned her gaze on Ike. Suddenly, she couldn't stand there anymore, not knowing what all he'd seen.

Turning, she fled out the other door, into the corral with the other animals. Tripping over her own feet, she practically fell near the donkey they'd named Samson, in honor of Emma's donkey they'd left behind in Rock Creek. Reaching out, she caught herself on the slats of the corral fence, just as Ike caught up with her.

Grabbing her arm with one hand, he signed, *Would you wait? I can't keep up with you right now!*

His look and his words froze her in place. Unable to move her feet, she wrapped her arms around herself protectively.

"What's there to say? I'm leavin', before I 'cause more trouble. You'll be able to patch things up with Emily and you can all live happily ever after without me. Live!"

*I'll never live happily without you, Lou,* he signed, a sad look pulling at his beautiful face. *I'll survive, but I won't really live and most definitely not happily.*

She cocked her head, not really understanding what he was saying.

"What… what do you mean, Ike?"

*Haven't you figured it out yet?* he signed, his motions jerky with anger. He moved closer to her step by step, as if she were a skittish mustang. Stopping just a couple paces in front of her, he sucked in a deep, fortifying breath and said, *I love you, Louise McCloud McSwain. I. Love. You.* He ended the last with a sharp, emphatic poke of one finger into her chest, pushing her back toward the fence again.

"No, you can't. I'm not the kind of woman people love. I'm fer sleepin' with, not makin' a life with. I'm fer leavin', not keepin'. I learned that lesson the hard way," she said, starting to turn away from him.

*No,* Ike signed, taking the chance to close the distance between them even more, reaching out to grab at her arm to keep her from turning her back on him. *No, you're for loving. It would take my entire life and then some to love you as much as you deserve. I've loved you since the day we really met for the first time.* Taking one more step, so he was standing directly in front of her, he reached down to put a finger beneath her chin and tip her face up so she could see his eyes. *And I'll love you until the day I die.*

Dropping to one knee, he asked, *Will you marry me, Louise? For real this time? Because I love you and… you love me?*

"How…" she started to say, stopped, then fell to her knees in front of him, shaping his face with her hands. "How'd you know I love you Ike? I never said anything."

*Because you were about to leave me,* Ike signed slowly. *And I've been waiting a long time for you to realize how perfect we are for each other. I should've realized you'd think that meant you had to leave to protect me. How about we protect each other, instead?*

Lou laughed a bit as he bent forward to press his lips to hers in a kiss that quickly went from tender to passionate to out of control.

Finally pulling back from him, she smiled a watery-eyed grin up at him. "If I say yes, will you promise you boys will stop proposin' to me in barnyards?"

Chapter 18

Ike laughed at Lou's joke, looking around at the animals milling about. *I don't know,* he signed. *Seems kind of appropriate to have Samson here with us, even if he isn't the original.*

Lou joined his laughter as she pushed herself to her feet. She sobered when she saw him staying down on the ground. Tilting her head to one side she questioned him without words.

*I think I need some help getting up,* he signed, smiling at her. *I may have overdone things a bit.*

"Oh!" she gasped, rushing to his side and pulling him to his feet, putting her shoulder under one arm to help him walk back to the house. "You shouldn't be out of bed!"

Ike looked down at her, eyebrow raised in disbelief as she started to scold him, and she had the grace to blush prettily and shut-up.

"Sorry," she muttered.

Soon, she was tucking him back into bed. He sighed with relief, his eyes starting to drift closed. Lou reached out to gently run one hand down the side of his beloved face. He reached up to grab her hand and kiss it, before jerking heartily on it so she tumbled into the bed next to him.

*Much better,* he signed with a smile, his eyes still closed. Lou laughed, laying her head down on the pillow next to his, enjoying listening to the sound of his quiet breathing as it slowed into sleep, one hand pressed gently to his chest, carefully held clear of his injury.

"Does this mean Ike's gonna be alright?"

"'Going to' not 'gonna'."

Lou surfaced from her exhausted slumber slowly, opening her eyes to see Jeremiah and Teresa peering down at her and Ike in the bed.

"Oh, good, you're awake," Resi smiled.

"Please tell me this doesn't mean more mushy stuff," Jeremiah begged, not even trying to hide the broad grin plastered across his face.

Lou blushed. Scrambling out of bed she hurried over to check on a still sleeping JK. Assured he was alright, she grabbed her apron and headed toward the door without looking back. "I need to get supper going."

For the first time in a week, Ike got out of bed, despite Lou's protests, and joined the family at the dinner table. He didn't eat much, but it felt good to have him back.

"Now, don't overtire yourself," Lou said for the dozenth time, hovering over him worriedly.

*I'm fine,* Ike said, smiling at Lou's antics. *Stop worrying, Sit down and eat this delicious meal you've provided.*

"That just goes to show how far from fine you are," Lou harrumphed as she took her seat at his side. "Talking about my 'delicious' cookin'."

"It's gotten a lot better," Jeremiah encouraged.

"Yeah, you barely burn anything anymore, Lou," Teresa added helpfully.

"Oh, you two are a laugh a minute," Lou smiled, balling her napkin up and tossing it at her brother and sister across the table.

Dinner proceeded in the same lighthearted vein, everyone happy to see things getting back to normal. But Lou kept a close eye on Ike the entire time and could see he was rapidly flagging.

"Alright," she finally said, "back to bed with you, before you collapse."

*Wait,* Ike smiled tiredly. *One more thing, then I'll go like a good little boy.*

"I'd like to see that," Lou snorted.

Ike mock glared at her.

"Fine, fine," she held up her hands in surrender. "What is it?"

Ike turned to Jeremiah. *Jeremiah, can you go get my saddlebags?*

"Sure, Ike," the earliteen said, jumping up eagerly from the table. He returned a moment later with Ike's saddlebags draped across his shoulder. Handing them over he said, "Here you go, Ike."

Lou watched curiously as Ike opened one compartment and began to dig through it, eventually pulling out a small blue bag. Her eyes widened as Ike turned back to her.

*You agreed to marry me, for real, today,* he began, then paused as Teresa squealed in joy and even Jeremiah let out a shout of excitement at the news. *I remember a conversation we had once, and a ring you gave me. Both our thoughts were on other people then. Things have changed.*

Lou blushed and looked away. That had been a long time ago, what seemed like another lifetime. Ike waited patiently until she turned back to him. Reaching out, he captured her left hand in his. Pulling it up to his mouth he kissed it gently before placing the small, silky bag in her palm.

*This ring is mine, and mine alone. Meant for you only. I hope you'll wear it to remember the promises we've made.*

Lou sat staring down at the bag, afraid to open it, tears coursing down her face. Its very existence was proof of the hopes and dreams Ike had held. The most recent time he could have gotten it was at Fort Bridger, before JK was born. But she hadn't seen anything like it the last time she'd been there. It looked suspiciously like the packaging from a popular jewelry store in St. Joe that she and Kid had looked at once while window shopping.

"Go on, Lou, open it!" Teresa encouraged.

"Let me savor the moment, will you, Resi" Lou smiled over at her little sister, then at Ike. "This is a moment that doesn't exactly come more than once or twice in a girl's life."

"I don't get it," Jeremiah complained. "You're already married, what's the big deal?"

*You'll understand someday,* Ike said. *When you find the right woman for you.*

While they were talking, Lou slowly opened the drawstring on the pouch and upended it, dumping the ring out onto her opened palm.

"Oh, Ike," she exclaimed. "It's beautiful!"

Ike reached out to take her left hand in his and, confiscating the gold filigreed band topped with four rubies in a diamond shape surrounded by several smaller emeralds, he slowly slipped the ring onto her third finger. Smiling down at her, he leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.

The next week passed quickly as they all worked to help Ike recover from his wound. Soon, though he still tired easily, he was back in the barn doing daily chores with Lou and the children. It was a quiet, peaceful time for them.

At night, after the children had gone to bed, Lou would cuddle up to Ike's side, held tightly to him by the arm he'd wrapped around her, his other kept free to move, her head resting on his shoulder, and they'd talk, about anything and everything.

But Ike would never touch her more than that daily embrace or a simple kiss here or there. He was openly affectionate with her, but never let things develop into more. Lou was starting to get frustrated and decided to take things into her own hands.

One morning, after chores were done and the children off to school, she followed Ike back to the house. Closing the door gently behind her, she walked up to Ike and began to cuddle him from behind, running her hands across his shoulders, kissing his neck.

Ike stepped away from her and turned around. With a soft smile, he signed a simple *No.*

Lou looked at him, mouth agape. "What?!"

*No.*

Lou clenched her fist, using the feel of Ike's ring to keep her from losing control, and asked, "Why the hell not? If you can muck out stalls, why can't we… well… you know?"

*Because I love you.*

"Oh, now that makes a whole lot of sense," she muttered sarcastically. At her raised voice, JK began to whimper, quickly turning into a full blown cry. "Now look what you've done."

She marched over to his cradle and picked the baby up.

"Don't mind your mommy and daddy little one. We're just a little crazy." She emphasized the word 'crazy' as she glared over her shoulder at Ike. Unfortunately, the tension in her body only upset the child more and he began to cry in earnest.

*Let me,* Ike said, walking toward her, stretching his arms out to take the infant.

"Fine!" she snapped, handing over the infant. "I'll be in the kitchen." And she stomped out of the room, leaving Ike with her quickly quieting son.

Lou stiffened as she heard the door to the kitchen open and then close behind her.

"Is he calm now?" she asked, without turning around, continuing to chop viciously at the potatoes on the cutting board in front of her. A slapping sound reminded her that she needed to look at Ike, not something she often forgot. Dipping her hands in the basin of water sitting in the sink, she grabbed a towel to dry her hands and turned to face him.

*He's sleeping,* Ike said.

"Then would you care to explain yourself?" she hissed at him, obviously still angry with him. "You say you love me, want to marry for real, then you won't touch me?" Frustrated beyond measure she pounded on the counter next to her, trying to keep from crying.

*I do love you,* Ike signed. *That's why I won't touch you. Not until our wedding night.*

Lou looked at him, more confused than ever. Ike continued.

*I heard what you said to Emily. You're not a whore, Lou. No matter what might have happened. I won't have you believing that. And since this marriage has never been real in your mind, we'll just wait until it is. I won't have you feel like you're buying my presence, or my love, with your body.*

Lou looked at him standing there, so tall and strong, so smart. Tears gathered in her eyes.

"How'd I get so lucky?" she whispered.

Ike shrugged and walked up to her, pulling her into his embrace. Framing her face with his hands, he leaned down and kissed her with all the passion in his soul. When they were both struggling to breath, he pulled back.

*I want you, Lou. Don't ever doubt that. I just need you to know I respect you, too. For that, we wait.*

Then he turned around, heading for the door.

"Where are you going?" Lou called after him.

*The creek.*

After much discussion, they decided to set the date for their second wedding for the first weekend in June. They hoped that meant Buck and Noah would be there in time to celebrate with them. And their Arapaho friends would still be around, not having left yet for the summer hunts.

In late April, the passes were finally clear and Ike and the other men made another supply run to Fort Bridger. Ike took with him several letters to be mailed and came back loaded down with gifts, as well as supplies.

Dismounting in front of their cabin after a weeklong absence, Ike smiled as his family poured out into the yard. This was the way things were supposed to be, he thought, as he swung Teresa up into a bear hug, then pulled Lou close to his side for an intoxicating kiss, accompanied by Jeremiah's hoots and hollers.

"We missed you," Lou whispered, when he finally released her mouth.

Setting Teresa down, Ike answered, *I missed you, too. How's JK?*

"Growing like a weed! He rolled over for the first time on Wednesday, and I swear he's already trying to crawl."

*Impatient, just like his momma,* Ike smiled, reaching out to tweak her nose. Lou dodged his efforts, punching him lightly in the arm in retaliation.

Turning, Ike began to pull packages off his horse. Most he handed to Teresa and Jeremiah to carry into the cabin. But one special one he left for last. Finally, he untied it and handed it reverently over to Lou.

Lou looked at the brownpaper-wrapped package in her hands and asked, "What's this?"

Ike smiled at her. *Open it.*

Peeking up at him through her eyelashes, Lou proceeded to rip through the packaging to reveal a length of creamy white satin, accompanied by several yards of gold ribbon.

"Oh, Ike, it's beautiful!" Lou exclaimed, running one hand over the soft cloth reverently.

*I saw this at Carter's and thought of you,* Ike said, reaching out to tilt her face up to his. "I know our first wedding wasn't exactly what a girl hopes and dreams of. Let's make this one special, alright?*

After consulting with Mrs. Heath, Amy, and even Emily, on the pattern, Lou finally took scissors to the beautiful fabric, cutting out her wedding dress. There was even enough of a white netting to make a veil. She spent every spare moment hunched over the fabric, stitching it together. But she was careful to never let Ike see it. As he'd said, this time they were going to do things 'right' and that meant following all the traditions.

Finally, the big day arrived. Lou's dress was finished and carefully laid out at the Heaths', just waiting for her. Amy had agreed to make and decorate the chocolate groom's cake while Emily had surprised Lou by offering to make a beautiful white frosted bride's cake. Everyone was rushing around making last minute preparations, getting washed up, shaved, hair combed and in place. Tall Elk, Panther's Tracks, Pretty Flower, Blue Sky and several other members of the neighboring Arapaho band were milling around, watching all the commotion curiously.

"White men silly," Pretty Flower was overheard telling Emily at one point. "Why marry woman who already wife? Not understand. Supposed to marry another woman. Silly!"

The only disappointment for Ike and Lou that beautiful day was that Noah and Buck hadn't arrived yet. Lou had just gotten to the Heaths, with Teresa in tow, and was starting to strip off her trousers and shirt to put on her wedding gown when the unexpected sound of a wagon pulling up penetrated the cabin walls. Buttoning her shirt back up as she went, Lou flew out the door.

"Buck! Noah!" she called in excitement when she saw their familiar forms standing by the wagon.

"What about me?" a familiar feminine voice asked, a head capped with a full fringe of frizzy red hair poked around the end of the wagon.

"Emma?!" Lou stopped in her tracks, then began rushing forward again to embrace the woman she thought of as her mother. "Oh, Emma! I can't believe you're here!"

"Lulabelle," Emma scolded lightly, even as she held Lou tightly to her. "You didn't think I'd miss your wedding day, now did you? A pack of ravening wolves couldn't have kept me away!"

Pulling back, Lou asked, "Where's Sam?"

Emma waved the question away.

"Probably off dining with the Territorial Governor, or chasing bank robbers, or something, having a grand old time. He'll be happy to see me when I get back though, if you know what I mean," she added, a wicked twinkle in her eye. Lou laughed in appreciation.

"Sorry we're late, Lou," Noah said, coming around from the other side of the wagon. "We had to wait for Emma to get to Rock Creek before we could leave."

A slight, pretty woman with chocolate skin and a cap of dark curls that matched Noah's accompanied him, holding lightly to his arm.

"Cassie!" Lou exclaimed, holding out her hand to the other woman. "I take it, this means you finally put Noah out of his misery."

Cassie just shrugged as she smiled happily up into Noah's face.

"And then we had another surprise addition to the party," Buck added, a wide grin splitting his features.

"Where's my pretty girl? I've got to kiss the bride!"

"Teaspoon!?" Lou wasn't sure if she could handle any more shocks, as her Express family passed her from person to person, hugging her tightly in greeting, pressing kisses to her cheeks.

"Gotta say, Lou, that's a new look for you," Buck teased, reaching up to flick at the cloth rollers tied into her hair to curl it. "Is that how you managed to finally corner Ike?"

Lou reached up bashfully to touch her hair, having completely forgotten its condition. Then, as Buck was moving past her to grab something out of the wagon, she stretched out her leg, tripping him in retaliation.

"I can't believe it," Lou smiled, tears starting to leak from the corners of her eyes. "I can't believe you all made it."

"So, where's this baby boy of yours?" Emma asked, hooking her arm through Lou's and starting her back toward the cabin. "Boys, why don't you go find Ike. I'm sure he would appreciate a little support about now!"

"Gettin' impatient, Ike?" Teaspoon asked.

Ike nodded. At the sight of Emma walking out of the cabin, little JK in her arms, he straightened, wiping his palms down the sides of his dark dress pants, before reaching up to straighten his string tie. He nodded.

*It's time to get married,* he signed.

"Mr. Spoon," Emma called. "Lou's got a favor to ask of you."

"Well, boys, seems like I'm needed elsewhere 'bout now," Teaspoon harrumphed. "Try to stay out of trouble while I'm gone."

*Is she alright?* Ike asked Emma nervously.

Emma smiled serenely, a glint of mischief dancing in her eyes. "Wait 'til you see."

Still bouncing the infant in her arms, cooing to him as she went, Emma glided between the two rows of roughly hewn log benches the pioneers had set out to form an outdoor chapel for the wedding ceremony. Taking a seat, she looked around, admiring how they'd decorated the entire area with fresh picked spring wildflowers, even forming an arch of flowers at the front of the aisle, where the bride and groom would stand. Preacher Heath stood on the other side of the arch, Ike in front of him, his brothers Noah, Buck and Jeremiah at his side. Emma took a seat in the front row, next to Cassie, baby JK smiling in her arms.

Tim Nolan and Carl Metcalfe started playing an unusual version of the wedding march on violin and harmonica. At the creaking noise of a door opening, Ike turned to behold the vision that was his bride.

Lou, clinging tightly to Teaspoon's arm, walked slowly toward him. She'd turned the material he'd brought her into a beautiful white gown with large puffy sleeves that ended at the elbow. Flat pleated ruffles decorated the entire circumference of the neckline, edged with the gold ribbon Ike had brought her. More gold ribbon formed a leaf pattern circling the skirt about a foot up from the hem. But Ike never noticed her dress. His eyes never left Lou's as she made her way slowly toward him, a gamine smile struggling to take over her face, shouting her happiness to the world.

When Lou and Teaspoon reached the front of the aisle, she and Ike just stood there, staring at each other, until Teaspoon cleared his throat and reached out to grab Lou's hand and place it in Ike's, manually maneuvering them into the proper position in front of Preacher Heath, accompanied by titters from their gathered friends and family.

Lou ducked her head, blushing.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today, in this company, to witness the marriage of these two young people. Again. And forever," Preacher began with a smile for the young couple. "It took them a lot of hard work to get to this point, but if there's one couple that belongs together, it's these two. If anyone disagrees, let him speak now or forever hold his peace."

An expectant hush covered the crowd for a moment and when no one spoke, Preacher smiled and said, "I didn't think so!" rather emphatically, before adding, "Who gives this bride to be wed?"

"We do," Teaspoon grumped, hiding a smile as he indicated the rest of their Express family. Turning around, he took a seat next to Emma and grinned, relieved to have his part of the ceremony completed.

"Marriage is the most serious commitment one can make. But these two have already shown they have made that commitment, to each other and to the children in their care. Today, they come to pledge a deeper troth, to each other and before God. To that end, they have written their own vows. Ike?"

Letting go of Lou's hand, Ike began to speak, Jeremiah translating for those who couldn't see.

*I loved you once in silence. I've loved you since that first time I saw you in that pretty pink dress, peaking around the corner of Emma's stairs, threatening to punch the first one of us to laugh. We all fell in love with you, at least a little bit, that day," Ike shrugged. "But I knew then you're heart was already taken. I was willing to let you go, if that made you happy. I could have lived my life happily married to someone else, but you would always have held at least a small corner of my heart. But then… suddenly… you weren't happy anymore. Life changed. You were in pain and I couldn't just let you walk off thinking you were alone in this world. You're the love of my life. And I want to spend a lifetime showing you, Louise McCloud McSwain, just what you mean to me. I promise to love you forever, until the day I die.*

Lou reached up one hand to caress his cheek, before beginning her own vows.

"You're the love of my life, too, Ike. I don't think either of us ever imagined me saying that, but it's true. You sort of snuck up on me with your kindness, gentleness and wisdom. Even before, you were always there when I needed someone to talk to, or just a shoulder to lean on. And when the darkness came and I was lost so deep inside myself, ruining everything with my own fears and selfishness... there you were, reaching out to catch me and pull me back into the light. You put up with my foolishness and waited patiently for me to come to my senses. I've never known a love like this, a love that is patient and kind and forgiving, a love that is laughter and light and friendship. You're in my heart and soul. You're all the joy and tears that I cry, now. And you don't ever have to say a word, Isaac Matthew McSwain. I can see your love in your eyes. I promise to love you forever, until the day I die."

Teaspoon reached up to surreptitiously wipe away a tear from the corner of one eye. Noah found his eyes searching out Cassie's gaze. Tim Nolan reached over and captured his wife's hand in his, squeezing it tightly.

Preacher Heath cleared his throat and asked, "Do you have the rings?"

Lou nodded and pulled a large ring off her pinkie finger, where she'd been holding it. Pressing the ring to her lips, she kept her eyes on Ike's as they listened to the preacher.

"Repeat after me, with this ring, I thee wed."

Reaching out, she slowly slid the ring onto Ike's finger, grimacing slightly as it caught on his knuckle. He reached down with his free hand to help wiggle the simple gold band into place.

"With this ring, I thee wed," she whispered, glancing up at Ike, almost shyly, through her eyelashes.

Ike pulled her ring out of his pocket and repeated the motions, slipping the band into place next to her engagement ring. Finished, he signed, *With this ring, I thee wed. With all my wordly goods I thee endow.*

Ike and Lou stood staring at each other, awed by this powerful moment that had joined them together for life.

Finally, breaking the moment, Preacher Heath intoned, "By the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Ike, you may kiss your bride."

Ike needed no encouragement, leaning down to capture Lou's mouth with his in a kiss full of all the love he felt for her, all his hopes and desires, dreams and plans for their future together, a kiss that seemed to last forever, a kiss designed to carry them through all the storms life would throw at them.

**Wedding vows heaviliy influenced by Sammy Kershaw's Love of My Life

Epilogue

_June 8__th__, 2012_

_McSwain Valley, Wyoming_

"I can't believe we're finally here," CK said excitedly as she crawled out of the car.

"Don't know why not," her smiling husband of less than a week answered, walking around the front to meet her. "You've only been planning this trip for, what? Six years, now?"

Laughing, he pulled her in close to lean down and press a kiss to her lips. Swatting at his shoulder playfully, she smiled back up at him.

"Come on, let's get the bags and get checked in."

Moments later she was walking down a long paved sidewalk, a hefty backpack slung over one shoulder, a stuffed suitcase bumping and rolling along behind her. The walk wound its way through a lovely rose garden and past a little stream before stopping at the base of a wide veranda that surrounded the lovely, Victorian style house, mansion really. Three stories tall, it's peaked rooftop and gabled windows provided a stunning contrast against the backdrop of the Rocky Mountains around them. CK paused at the end of the walk to take a deep breath, soaking in the moment.

The sign at the top of the steps read, McSwain Homestead Bed and Breakfast. CK shook her head as she read it, then started up the steps to the front door.

"Can I help you?" the young lady sitting behind a desk just inside the door asked, setting aside the magazine she'd been reading.

"Yes, we have a reservation for the McSwain Suite," CK said, locking her wheeled suitcase into an upright position.

"Oh!" exclaimed the receptionist, suddenly snapping into an alert position, her dark eyes widening in recognition even as her two long, dark-haired braids, proclaiming her heritage as loudly as her dusky skin, went flying behind her. "You would be Mr. and Mrs.-"

"Just call me CK," CK said, holding out her hand to greet the girl. "I figure since we're going to be here awhile we ought to be on a first name basis… ah…" she paused to read the girl's name tag, "Rose. This is my husband, Chris."

"Nice to meet you, Rose," he smiled in greeting, both hands occupied with two more suitcases.

"Wow! Nice to meet you, CK, Chris," Rose said, rapidly shuffling through a pile of paperwork in front of her. "Ah, here it is," she announced, finally pulling out one particular sheet. Turning it toward CK, she pointed at the blank line at the bottom of the page. "Just sign here."

While CK bent forward to sign in, Rose reached back to a row of hooks on the wall behind her and grabbed a set of keys. Turning back, she traded the keys for the signed paper.

"Thank you," CK said, moving to grab her suitcase.

"The room's upstairs, at the end of the hall," Rose said, smiling. "Um, if you don't mind my asking, what are you planning on doing here? We've never had someone book a room for three whole months before!"

CK laughed. "I'm a history professor at Iowa State University. I'm here working on my doctoral thesis, Women and Minorities on the American Frontier."

"That is sooo cool," Rose gushed. "And you definitely came to the right place. You know McSwain Valley is the home of the first Woman and first Deaf Sheriff, first Native and first African American Mayor? This is about the most evenly split, racially, not to mention completely integrated town in the entire country!"

"I did indeed. That's why I'm here."

"The McSwains over there, they started it all. It's such a romantic story," Rose continued, pointing to a large painting hanging over a fireplace at the other end of the foyer. CK gasped as she moved slowly toward the family portrait, listening with half an ear as Rose continued to chatter. "Ike McSwain? He found this valley just for his wife, Lou, 'cause she was tired of traveling the Oregon Trail. Isn't that sweet? They had eight kids, five girls and three boys."

CK stared up at the portrait with a tall, bald man standing behind an old fashioned horsehair sofa, one hand resting on the shoulder of the petite brunette seated on the sofa. Four boys stood next to Ike. Four girls were seated, two on each side of the woman CK assumed was Lou, Ike's wife. Two smaller girls, obviously still infants, were seated on Lou's lap and the lap of the eldest girl sitting next to her.

CK pointed at the painting. "I thought you said they had eight children? Who are the other two?"

"Oh, the oldest girl and boy are Lou McSwain's brother and sister, Jeremiah and Teresa. They were orphans and Ike and Lou raised them as their own. In fact, Jeremiah started using the McSwain last name when he became an adult."

"What's this picture?" CK asked, already digging into her backpack for a notepad.

"I'll meet you upstairs when you're done down here," Chris whispered in CK's ear, even as he handed her a pen. She smiled gratefully at him, already starting to scribble down details.

"That one?" Rose grinned as she moved out from behind her desk to come stand next to CK in front of the collection of painted family portraits and old time photographs and tintypes. "That's from before they moved out here. Ike and Lou, well Louise was her real name, but everyone called her Lou, anyway, they met riding for the Pony Express. Some say they even worked with some gunslinger who was famous for a short time back then, a Wild Bill Hickok, not to mention the great Buffalo Bill Cody! In fact, Cody, Wyoming? He's supposed to have gotten the idea for the place from McSwain Valley. This photo was taken by a traveling Englishman back in 1860, at the Sweetwater station, where they worked. See, there's Running Buck Cross, too. He was Ike's blood brother. The Crosses are another of the founding families around here."

"He was the first Native American Mayor, right?"

Rose nodded.

"Yep! He married Emily Metcalfe, another of the Valley's founders. They had five kids, four boys and a girl, the youngest." She pointed to another photo, a couple dressed in their wedding clothes, smiling happily at each other, an unusual pose in such an old picture. CK wondered about that. "He was instrumental in getting the Army to agree to allow the Arapaho that lived in this area to settle in the valley, part of their traditional hunting grounds, rather than shipping them off to a reservation. He even brought some of his Kiowa family here, later on, his brother Red Bear, a few others."

CK's eyes kept moving across the trio of paintings. The second was a family portrait of Emily and Buck with their five children, all seated outside a tipi. Then she stopped at the third portrait. "Would those be the Dixon's?"

"Noah Dixon brought his bride, Cassie, with him when he moved to the Valley with Buck, at Ike and Lou's invitation. Her younger brother is the one who painted all these portraits. He was a great artist. You'll find his work scattered all over town."

"Tell me about Noah? Did he ride with the Pony Express, too? He's not in that photo."

"He hadn't joined the Express yet when that photo was taken. But he did ride with them, that's how he met the others. Noah was an unusual man for the times. Born free, he used to go to slave auctions and buy slaves just to free them. Nearly got him killed more than once. He and Cassie moved here when the U.S. Army wouldn't let him join up during the Civil War. After they settled here, he headed East, collected a group of runaway slaves and led them West on a wagon train. After the war, he just kept it up. This town is almost precisely one third white, one third Native and one third African American," Rose said proudly. "Eventually Cassie convinced Noah to retire and stick around here when she was pregnant with their third child. Said she was tired of being a single mom! And either he stuck around or she was going to find another man to be a father to her children. He stuck around after that."

The two women laughed, imagining the dressing down the slender lady in the portrait must have given her tall, handsome husband.

CK kept examining the collection before her, this time concentrating on the photos and tintypes lined up on the mantel. There was another one of three young men holding their weapons in front of them. Noah was in that picture with a distinctive looking whip in his hands. Next to Emily and Buck's wedding photo was one of Noah and Cassie at their wedding, then two different photos showing Ike and Lou, one where they were dressed in formal clothes, but Lou had unusually short hair and was dressed as a boy, another where Lou had long hair, and Ike and Lou were dressed formally, Lou obviously in a wedding gown, an infant cradled in her arms. CK pointed to it.

"Why does it look like this picture was taken after the other one?" she asked curiously. "It would've been a huge scandal if that baby was born before they got married! And I've never found anything about such a scandal in my research."

"No doubt! That's JK, their eldest. Sort of. He wasn't actually Ike's son. His father was one of the other riders, Lou'd been engaged to. But, he got killed. This photo was taken after Lou and Ike's second wedding, though. They got married before they left on the Oregon Trail, so they could adopt Lou's brother and sister. That's the first photo. All of them dressed up just before leaving on the wagon train. It's a fascinating story."

"How do you know so much about them?"

"Oh, I've read the McSwain Journals hundreds of times," Rose smiled. "It's so romantic, how he loved her before she ever thought of him as anything more than a brother. How he brought her West and got her to fall in love with him."

"There are journals?" CK asked, her excitement growing. "I didn't know about any journals!"

"Oh, yes! Come back to the library and I'll show you," Rose said, already heading through an open doorway to her left. "We don't exactly advertise their existence, but Ike McSwain was an incredible journaler. He wrote nearly everyday, liked to draw pictures, too."

CK followed Rose into a large room filled with floor to ceiling built-in bookcases. A large fireplace dominated one wall with a painting of an elderly Ike and Lou McSwain hanging over it. Rose moved to an area where the bookcases had been encased in glass.

"We've put in special climate controls," she explained, "to protect the journals. They're so detailed they've become one of the most sought after items of Old West memorabilia, despite the fact we've tried to keep knowledge of them limited. You have to put on a pair of gloves if you want to handle them," she added, pointing to a box of latex gloves sitting on the next shelf over. "But otherwise, they're made available to anyone who wants to read them."

CK ran a hand reverently across the glass, imagining spending the next several weeks wading through the journals, gleaning all the bits of history from them. Turning back to Rose, she asked the question that had been nagging at her since they'd left the foyer.

"So, who was JK's father?"

"Oh, he was named for him, and another rider who died about the same time. James Kidd McSwain. They never really knew his father's name. He just went by a nickname, The Kid. Folks could do that back then."

CK smiled in agreement. Times had been different. But Rose barely stopped for breath now that she had a captive audience with whom to share her favorite stories.

"He named his eldest son Kidd Isaac after his birth father and the man who'd raised him. Kidd and Lou's maiden name, McCloud, or Cloud, became real common around here. Why, I remember back when I was in school I had three Cloud's, two McClouds and five Kidd's in my grade alone!" Rose laughed at the memory.

"Rose Cross are you back here? You better not be shanghaiing guests again to tell all your stories! Mom'll kill you!"

A smaller, younger version of Rose, her hair flying loose around her shoulders, came running into the library, only to skid to a halt at the sight of CK.

"Oooh, you are so in trouble when I tell Mom!"

"It's alright Lily," Rose laughed. "I'm just answering her questions. She's a historian. She wants to hear my stories."

"Hi, I'm Lily Cross," the little girl said, stepping forward to hold out her hand toward Ck. "Who are you?"

"Lily, it's very nice to meet you," CK answered, coming to her knees so she could look Lily in the eyes as she introduced herself. "I'm Cloud Kiddette McSwain Wright. And it's very nice to meet you, too."


End file.
